Do women really age worse than men?

[CoalTit]

I just read a novel where the protagonist thinks at one point how women age worse than men, and it took me back to a couple of boyfriends in the nineties saying that as if it were just something that everyone knows. I was really surprised that anyone would think the sex that goes bald ages better. Do any women think men age better than women?
YABU: yes, women age (physically) worse than men do.
YANBU: no, men as a class age just as badly as women.

Just done a quick tally of me and DP's closest family and friends, I've got a count of 8 women and 9 men including me (male) and DP (female), all between 35 and 46, mostly coupled up with each other but a few singles in there, all of the women but 2 have kids.

On the female side I can think of:
2 cases of breast cancer (both in remission thankfully)
3 people with regular persistant migraines
2 people with endometriosis, one crippling
1 hiatus hernia, causing regular indigestion and nausea
1 early onset arthritis

*Note: There are two completely healthy women here, some people have multiple conditions

On the male side
1 pancreatic cancer (died last year)
1 set of severely fucked knees (likely football related, multiple surgeries, running is now impossible.)
1 with a persistently buggered back

I've only included conditions above that are or have been in some way life limiting. For instance, I'm (more than) a tad overweight, so probably more likely to have a heart attack at 60 than any of the women, but I'm not counting potential future issues.

There's also the fact that men are less likely to seek medical treatment (cause we're idiots). So who knows what niggles are lurking under the surface that we don't talk about or get diagnosed.

And of course, this is all the very definition of anecdotal evidence here

But even accounting for that, there's a lot more illness there for the women and the men, and a lot more of that illness is uniquely female. The breast cancers*, the endometriosis, the hernia developed during pregnancy, and at least my DP's migraines are caused by her monthly cycle.

*I know men can get breast cancer, but it's so much rarer.

Tbh, we really ought to celebrate the fact that most of us have the opportunity to age. I can't say I love being nearly 50, but the alternative is worse!

We all know peri-menopause can last as long as 10 years so women will potentially start to see changes related to this in their early 40s…

My Mum went through the menopause at 40 so it’s shame to see a doctor saying 40 is very early to see ‘menopause changes’. It’s very early for the menopause yes but not for the hormonal changes related to it to start.

The menopause is one day. The process leading to it can take years and years.

Compare a 60 year old man with a 60 year old woman. One is more likely to be full of energy and vitality, the other will be the man.

I'm only in my early 30s and I think generally the men who were in my year group at school look older than the women.

😂😂

According to NHS statistics, there are more overweight men than overweight women. So in that respect, I guess they don’t.

Peri-menopause is not menopause.

Of course you can start seeing that as early
as 40, but it’s not typical.

Don’t confuse medical wording for lived experience. I am 47 and take HRT and am realising the benefits both in lived experience now and also with the unseen benefits (as of now) to bone health/CVD risk etc in later life.

Most women do not present at 40 with peri symptoms.

And my question, if you read it,
was wrt other health related issues.

That doesn’t mean that some might not have hormone related issues, but that it would be unusual for this to be the case for all women.

That is what I meant by that.

A 10 year peri menopause is unusual.

Very.

Anecdote is not data.

I am near your age and am 1/2 stone at least overweight but my face is young looking. I'm trying to lose the extra weight but do wonder if I will look older.

I'm not sure getting botox and fillers make people look better tbh ,i have Facebook friends from my year at school I left over 30 years ago ,some men have aged well,some women have aged well ,most of us look ,what ww are are middle aged and approaching 50.

Men do not age well at all. I am surprised this isn't universally recognised. Women look after themselves much better than men.

Its not universal, but I think its a yes in general.

Perhaps men generally wear their age more honestly and gracefully, whereas often women seen to be trying to pretend they are not ageing.

Eg look at hair dye - loads of women dye their hair to hide greys, but most men just accept grey hair and can look good with it. Men who dye their hair often look ridiculous, eg a pasty 50 yr old man with "midnight black" hair.

Women could probably look good with grey too, but vanity and intra-female beauty standards / expectations mean they see age as something to be fought - in contrast a mans visible age speaks of his experience or his "story".

Midnight Black hair 😂- I've just pictured my grey DH with that hair colour. No!

Physically - yes they do. Skin - yes due to their thicker skins. In attitude - most definitely no. I find men much more likely to get stuck in ruts and resistent to change, and quite grumpy and entitled. I generalise obviously.

Of course they don’t. Have a look at any 48 year old man and then look at 48 year old women. Women look far better.
Men are bald/balding/grey, fat and porky, wrinkled, wearing shit clothes, bad teeth , piggy eyes etc etc.
Is the average 48 year old woman bald or gray . A potato with eyes was how most older men have been described.
Does the average woman wear baggy combat shorts with any old slogan t shirt and trainers? No they don’t.
Men are used to not being criticised whilst women get berated.

Bad clothes, overweight and ropey hygiene are bad habits though, not age related.

Maybe thats it, maybe men who age badly have bad habits, but women who age badly are suffering biologically?

I have a male friend who gets very little sunlight due to working shifts in a warehouse and largely just sitting in his house when not working.

He has the most pasty skin, almost translucent, and looks like a morlock or something out of Lord of the Rings.

He also has a terrible diet (fruit and veg is to him what garlic is to a vampire) and all this means he looks notably worse than men of similar age.

It’s similar until kids happen, then the woman’s body is obviously damaged by kids: pelvic floor issues, more weight, stretchmarks, the physical effects of chronic lack of sleep, etc etc.

If the woman doesn’t have kids then she ages at similar rate to a man until menopause, at which point its a lottery but for most women there’s night sweats, sexual problems, hair loss/greying, a new beard (don’t ask!) weaker bones resulting in knee/back issues etc etc.

So yeah I’d much rather go a bit thin on top then be a sweaty yeti with hormone problems.

@Quincythequince

But the menopause is one day - so the wrong thing to focus on. The peri menopause lasts on average about 4 years but can and does last longer for some women. Symptoms and effects can well be felt by women in their early 40s. Anyway, I’m glad you’re not my doctor as you seem very dismissive of the fact that women in their early 40s can and do have ‘symptoms of menopause’. That’s not ‘very, very young’ to be experiencing symptoms. Surely peri-menopause is a symptom.

Anyway, I’ve derailed the thread - apologies OP.

I’m not focusing on menopause.
That’s the point.

I’m not dismissive of anything, I asked if it was about things not related to menopause/ Another poster mentioned menopause.

I was asking about other things that could be wrong rather than just assuming menopause, because the thread wasn’t about menopause and it’s lazy medicine but I just say ‘oh, you’re just menopausal’

Did you miss the bit where I said I take HRT? The original post that I responded to wasn’t about menopause! Please read properly.

Penguins
62% of women (67% men) in their 50’s or older are extremely over weight or obese.
so no amount of expensive dentistry or haircuts or nice clothes can hide the bingo wings, canckles, stretch marks and cellulite.
There are lots of older men and women who look great and a huge number of both who look absolutely fucking dreadful

Of course you can start seeing that as early
as 40, but it’s not typical

And did you miss this part too?

🙄

Certainly not in my experience.
I genuinely don't know one man my age who looks good. They are all some, or all, of: overweight, bald, extremely sun damaged, badly dressed, in urgent need of dental work.
The women I know of the same age are considerably more youthful in body shape, skin condition, hair and dental quality, and much better dressed.
In addition, the women typically have way more energy, enthusiasm for life, complain far less about ailments and aren't snoring in front of the TV by 8pm.
Interestingly, in a recent picture I saw of the Queen and King Charles, taken before her health declined, i thought they could have been a couple rather than mother and son as they looked so similar in age, and I think that's fairly reflective of the general population after a certain age.

And laying down muscle with an appropriate training regime isn’t hard, even for females in their 40s.

Like all changes to bodies, it takes time.

I think the societal expectation of men's appearance 'ages better' than that of women.

It tells us that older men are wise, and are leaders, that lines and grey hair are 'distinguished' and characterful.

It tells us that women are supposed to be pretty and that = young, so a woman who doesn't look young is past it, unattractive and irrelevant.