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AIBU?

To be sad at how entitled society seems to be becoming?

119 replies

ForestPeace · 13/09/2022 22:16

Mumsnet is a force for good, so I’m not meaning to point at it specifically, though I suppose in some ways the views found here are a reflection of society as a whole. I’m just struck sometimes by how entitled and self-centred society has become. It seems people are so ready to look at how something is affecting them, and don’t seem to see beyond that viewpoint. Some examples might be ‘ I can’t have the bank holiday I want, because of the Royal Family’ ( I’m not talking about people missing medical and other appointments here, but people saying they’re going to ‘trapped indoors’ etc). Other things such as ‘this shop/restaurant did something wrong so I want somebody sacked’. ‘ This friend offended me, so I’m ending the relationship’. I’ve been reflecting recently on the Queen ( though I am not a Royalist), and feeling that somehow our society has lost sight of values like consideration for others, flexibility, compromise, acceptance that things don’t always go well, forgiveness, awareness that we may feel hard done by, but there’s probably someone else worse off, and so on. Of course, it is a generalisation to say society is like this, and hopefully the majority of people still hold these values, but I feel sad to see so much self-centredness and eager to blame creeping in just about everywhere you look it seems sometimes. Wondered if anyone felt like this?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

391 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
21%
You are NOT being unreasonable
79%
ComtesseDeSpair · 13/09/2022 22:20

When in history are you comparing now to?

BlueThingie · 13/09/2022 22:23

I wouldn’t take MN whinging as indicating anything much about society as a whole. People post all sorts of nonsense on here that I’ve never heard anyone say IRL.

Fairislefandango · 13/09/2022 22:26

I don't think attitudes have changed that much. I think reading examples and stories in the regular media and particularly social media massively skews people's impression of what people are like. After all, stories and posts about people being quite nice, regularly polite or pleasantly cooperative do not get clicks, likes or shares, do they?

PurpleMarie · 13/09/2022 22:28

Mumsnet is a force for good,

This is the funniest thing that I’ve read in weeks.

ForestPeace · 13/09/2022 22:33

It is my first time posting, and I didn’t want to upset people right away by seeming to come on and bash Mumsnet! In general I feel it probably is helpful to a lot of people, which is why I said that it is a force for good. But yes, maybe a bit OTT!

OP posts:
ForestPeace · 13/09/2022 22:34

Yes, I agree. Definitely easy to get things distorted looking at social media, etc.

OP posts:
Featuredcreature · 13/09/2022 22:34

Mumsnet is a middle class website steering opinions for mostly middle class plebs. If I could even slightly be arsed I would look into how many more accounts were created during the intensive pandemic phase. An awful lot seemed to suddenly disappear though Hmm.

Social media feeds are constantly feeding aspirational messages, why would people not think they are entitled to better. Bots exist in the multitudes on other sites, they do here too. People here seem more naive though.

Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37

I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.

Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.

Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.

You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.

I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.

ForestPeace · 13/09/2022 22:46

Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37

I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.

Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.

Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.

You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.

I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.

Oh, I’ve worked out how to reply to a post! Yes, I agree with much of what you say, especially about reduced day to day social interaction meaning we’re maybe less aware of other people. I notice this just on my daily commute on the bus.

OP posts:
lailamaria · 14/09/2022 00:45

'this friend offended me so i'm ending the relationship' good honestly good why should i have people in my personal life who make me miserable or go against something i believe in - coworker different story, personal friend nah cannot be bothered.

mybest · 14/09/2022 03:39

mumsnet does not represent society. Or normal people in general. It’s full of people making up shit for ‘fun’ and people who reply to posts purely to be contrary and dickheadish

BiasedBinding · 14/09/2022 03:51

“somehow our society has lost sight of values like consideration for others, flexibility, compromise, acceptance that things don’t always go well, forgiveness, awareness that we may feel hard done by, but there’s probably someone else worse off, and so on”

when do you think these things were more widespread in our society?

Rosehugger · 14/09/2022 03:56

People are entitled to better lives and we'd get better if people united against companies giving shit customer service, shit governments, shit employers and so on instead of being encouraged to engage in a perpetual race to the bottom in a society where working full time does not pay enough to have a good life and fight amongst ourselves about who dares to be so entitled as to demand better.

Rosehugger · 14/09/2022 03:58

Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37

I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.

Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.

Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.

You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.

I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.

Perhaps move out of London then, I don't recognise any of that at all.

onlythreenow · 14/09/2022 04:13

You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.

I definitely agree with this.

ChagSameachDoreen · 14/09/2022 06:24

It's the natural result of turning people into consumers. We are taught to want and acquire endless stuff, told that we are lacking, while those at the top of the pile get richer. No wonder we're angry, disillusioned, entitled.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/09/2022 07:19

I think you're right OP

There have been multiple threads from people who work in retail and other public facing roles (GPs, teachers) saying the level of entitlement has gone up so much the last few years and is now so bad that they are considering leaving their jobs.

There was one from a teacher recently saying that a parent was demanding special lessons for their kids because they had taken their kid out of school on holiday and thought it was the teachers responsibility to ensure they were caught up. One from a GP saying they were leaving as they couldn't cope with people taking no responsibility at all for their own health and expecting a same day appointment and magic cure for a mild sore throat. People working in hospitality saying the last few years have got worse for rudeness and increased expectations like people getting angry they couldn't get into a restaurant that was full becsude others had pre booked and demanding they kick other people out, or at least move them from the window as it 'wasn't fair' that they hadnt booked so couldnt eat.

Probably not quite what you meant but people who deal with the public regularly are saying it has got steadily worse the last few years and then escalated in the pandemic

Manekinek0 · 14/09/2022 07:59

Yes. The west has been focused on consumerism and individualism since the end of WW2. The way we now live has eroded the communities our ancestors would have been a part of. Add in legal issues (definitely a bigger problem in the US) and people are put off helping one another.

In the last 10-20 years there has been a massive increase in excusing bad behaviour. If someone behaves terribly then they must have mental health problems. Maybe some do but some people are just arseholes MH problems or not. And I do think that if someone's MH is that bad that they go around threatening and being abusive towards people they shouldn't be in the community.

I was surprised at the food bank thread, quite a few posters thought it was acceptable for service users to be rude to volunteers and that they should not have to feel grateful for donations they receive. Sorry but it's BS. You should be grateful if someone helps you whether they are paid or not.

Choconut · 14/09/2022 09:16

Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37

I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.

Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.

Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.

You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.

I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.

Move out the big town/city. London and Reading were like this IME, the village that I live in now I know everyone in my street and a lot of people in the village. Literally everyone says hello even if they don't know you, if you did that in London they'd think you were a weirdo. Big town/city mentality and village mentality and two completely different things in the UK I've found.

Choconut · 14/09/2022 09:17

*are two completely different things

justaladyLOL · 14/09/2022 09:22

Agree 100% with OP
My parents had hard times during their lives
They got on with it and sorted it out for themselves
Now as soon as someone has a problem now they say
"it is all the govts fault"
"it is not fair"
"what is the govt going to do to help me"
So many people nowadays do not understand that sometimes bad luck happens and the only only they are responsible for their lives
As a child I was taught that if I want anything in life I have to work and get it for myself

justaladyLOL · 14/09/2022 09:24

"Literally everyone says hello even if they don't know you, if you did that in London they'd think you were a weirdo."
Disagree totally
This is a myth that is often repeated by people who have never tried to interact in London
I am in London I cheerfully chat to strangers in shops trains tubes pubs
No one thinks I am a wierdo

justaladyLOL · 14/09/2022 09:29

"People are entitled to better lives and we'd get better if people united against companies giving shit customer service, shit governments, shit employers and so on instead of being encouraged to engage in a perpetual race to the bottom in a society where working full time does not pay enough to have a good life and fight amongst ourselves about who dares to be so entitled as to demand better."

You just totally proved my previous point LOL
You are entitled to nothing other than what you do for yourself
I earn enough money thanks
So do my friends some of whom have set up business and are now very wealthy
If you think you are not being paid enough do something about it
Re-train
Get some qualifications
Help yourself
Stop whining and blaming the rest of the world for your problems

MichelleScarn · 14/09/2022 09:29

Manekinek0 · 14/09/2022 07:59

Yes. The west has been focused on consumerism and individualism since the end of WW2. The way we now live has eroded the communities our ancestors would have been a part of. Add in legal issues (definitely a bigger problem in the US) and people are put off helping one another.

In the last 10-20 years there has been a massive increase in excusing bad behaviour. If someone behaves terribly then they must have mental health problems. Maybe some do but some people are just arseholes MH problems or not. And I do think that if someone's MH is that bad that they go around threatening and being abusive towards people they shouldn't be in the community.

I was surprised at the food bank thread, quite a few posters thought it was acceptable for service users to be rude to volunteers and that they should not have to feel grateful for donations they receive. Sorry but it's BS. You should be grateful if someone helps you whether they are paid or not.

Absolutely agree with this, the spite and vitriol directed at the gp and fb volunteer while being told they should Absolutely accept abuse and rudeness and if they didn't want to accept that they should accept this to leave their post!

justaladyLOL · 14/09/2022 09:31

"shit employers and so on instead of being encouraged to engage in a perpetual race to the bottom in a society where working full time does not pay enough to have a good life"
If you are not happy in your job and think you are not earning enough - GET ANOTHER JOB

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