AIBU?
To be sad at how entitled society seems to be becoming?
ForestPeace · 13/09/2022 22:16
Mumsnet is a force for good, so I’m not meaning to point at it specifically, though I suppose in some ways the views found here are a reflection of society as a whole. I’m just struck sometimes by how entitled and self-centred society has become. It seems people are so ready to look at how something is affecting them, and don’t seem to see beyond that viewpoint. Some examples might be ‘ I can’t have the bank holiday I want, because of the Royal Family’ ( I’m not talking about people missing medical and other appointments here, but people saying they’re going to ‘trapped indoors’ etc). Other things such as ‘this shop/restaurant did something wrong so I want somebody sacked’. ‘ This friend offended me, so I’m ending the relationship’. I’ve been reflecting recently on the Queen ( though I am not a Royalist), and feeling that somehow our society has lost sight of values like consideration for others, flexibility, compromise, acceptance that things don’t always go well, forgiveness, awareness that we may feel hard done by, but there’s probably someone else worse off, and so on. Of course, it is a generalisation to say society is like this, and hopefully the majority of people still hold these values, but I feel sad to see so much self-centredness and eager to blame creeping in just about everywhere you look it seems sometimes. Wondered if anyone felt like this?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Monkeyrules · 14/09/2022 16:59
Half the problem is that in real life when someone is unreasonable usually most people don't challenge it and let the unreasonable person get away with it. I think over time others think why am I doing the right thing when others don't and gradually everyone starts to behave similarly.
Another issue is authority has broken down over the decades. Discipline in schools isn't upheld, security guards arn't allowed to get too involved for insurance purposes, cuts to the police, the poor conviction rates in uk courts and people are scared of being sued and so unscrupulous people can probably get away with a lot more nowadays which probably makes the average person on the street more cynical and self focused.
Rosehugger · 14/09/2022 16:59
I feel like more people are of the 'buy clothes second hand off eBay' and Aldi shoppers rather than what I think of as middle class
Middle class is not to do with income or where you shop. Aldi and Lidl near me are full of middle class shoppers and buying clothes second hand is very environmentally conscious middle class.
Freedomfighters · 14/09/2022 17:17
Shortandfurry301 · 14/09/2022 16:31
I am probably going to get flamed for saying this but I think we are so invested - for the best of reasons - in making sure that our children are self confident, happy, fulfilled etc that we are not bringing them up to think of others enough and of their place in the world in relation to others. It's all about them! And I don't think that this is doing them any good tbh. We have quite an individualistic society in modern day Britain and I think other European countries, which take more of a collective approach to child rearing, have happier children.
I agree with this. Also helicopter parenting. Parents not giving children / teens the opportunity to sort things out for themselves. And parents don't stop stepping in to defend / micro manage their children. Even when they become young adults. How are children suppose to learn to navigate the world, learn to compromise, negotiate fairly and become proper adults when the adults in their lives don't let them.
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 17:20
Rosehugger · 14/09/2022 03:58
Perhaps move out of London then, I don't recognise any of that at all.
Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37
I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.
Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.
Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.
I don't live in London 🤷🏼♀️ I don't even live in a city either..
Freedomfighters · 14/09/2022 17:22
Half the problem is that in real life when someone is unreasonable usually most people don't challenge it and let the unreasonable person get away with it. I think over time others think why am I doing the right thing when others don't and gradually everyone starts to behave similarly.
I think people are more scared to challenge things. The risk of physical harm isn't worth it.
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 17:23
Choconut · 14/09/2022 09:16
Move out the big town/city. London and Reading were like this IME, the village that I live in now I know everyone in my street and a lot of people in the village. Literally everyone says hello even if they don't know you, if you did that in London they'd think you were a weirdo. Big town/city mentality and village mentality and two completely different things in the UK I've found.
Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37
I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.
Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.
Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.
I live in a Village too and no where near London.
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 17:32
Actually one key thing is I live in a village but I didn't grew up in it, u came as an adult as an "outsider " Some villages are cliquey unfortunately, although mine people just don't bother with eachother. There's a church but you wouldn't go unless of course you are religious, a gp surgery and two shops one at each end. Otherwise nothing. So not much to go on.
TooBigForMyBoots · 14/09/2022 18:21
The toxicity of the Brexit debate was never neutralised. It was insidious and carefully designed to create fear, hatred and contempt. We are still living with that poison in society and online.
People's lives have become more difficult over the past 12 years. Public services have been cut to the bone. Zero hours contracts are common. Our rights have been discarded.
PM Johnson's lawbreaking left people feeling completely mugged off. The government broke the social contract. As a PP said, A fish rots from the head.
MarshaBradyo · 14/09/2022 18:25
I do think some seek out the negative and get caught in downward spirals w
ie everyone is terrible but with that thought you’re going to be getting similar back.
With the opposite you’d see more positivity back
Atm London is full of people sharing a big moment but so many posts on how awful it is, so being part of a community like that is often looked down upon
Luredbyapomegranate · 14/09/2022 19:52
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 17:23
I live in a Village too and no where near London.
Choconut · 14/09/2022 09:16
Move out the big town/city. London and Reading were like this IME, the village that I live in now I know everyone in my street and a lot of people in the village. Literally everyone says hello even if they don't know you, if you did that in London they'd think you were a weirdo. Big town/city mentality and village mentality and two completely different things in the UK I've found.
Rosewaterblossom · 13/09/2022 22:37
I guess we can blame the internet to some extent and the increase in electronic technology.
Before, people would walk out their front door and probably say hello or have a quick chat with their neighbours who they knew, go to the bus stop and probably see someone in the community they knew. Get on the bus, have to speak to the bus driver and probably exchange a few lines of pleasantries. In town they'd do some shopping, exchange chat with the shop keepers etc. Go to the bank and chat with people there. Pubs/churches/social clubs were filled with locals in communities. People knew people and communities helped eachother.
Now, people walk out their front door, many don't know their neighbours, head phones in at the bus stop, pay contactless on the bus. In town alot of shops have self service checkouts so no need to talk to anyone. Banks aren't how they once were as most is online now. Pubs are on a fast decline because people can't afford to drink out so they buy booze at the supermarket and drink at home. Church/faith on the decline. Communities don't exist or at least aren't the norm. People live in their phones and mainly chat online via social media and order stuff online.
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
I was thinking recently you don't really so "characters " anymore.. ie: someone with maybe a nickname, a distinct look and an interesting personality. People are on the whole quite generic now and bland.
I live in London and in a nice, functional community.
There are big problems with lack of equality in this city, but much of it is as nice as anywhere, and it’s good for tolerance.
onlythreenow · 14/09/2022 21:05
Why do you think that? Certainly things weren't perfect but as a rule generally people were more outwardly polite and respectful of each other. Even if they didn't entirely mean it. But decent behaviour standards benefit society as a whole. The people who didn't adhere to that stood out. They don't anymore. It's the norm.
I agree - and yes, I was around in those days!
So many people now seem to be watching other people and seeing what they have, and wanting the same themselves, it's toxic - and yes, the internet has played a huge part in that. As pps have said, we are not "entitled" to anything, we have to get out there and get it for ourselves.
TokidokiBarbie · 14/09/2022 21:09
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
You don't have to speak to people at work?
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 21:47
TokidokiBarbie · 14/09/2022 21:09
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
You don't have to speak to people at work?
Some people don't if they are working from home.
TokidokiBarbie · 14/09/2022 22:18
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 21:47
Some people don't if they are working from home.
TokidokiBarbie · 14/09/2022 21:09
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
You don't have to speak to people at work?
That's part of the reason I reckon companies should start enforcing employees to attend their workplace tbh.
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 22:21
TokidokiBarbie · 14/09/2022 22:18
That's part of the reason I reckon companies should start enforcing employees to attend their workplace tbh.
Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 21:47
Some people don't if they are working from home.
TokidokiBarbie · 14/09/2022 21:09
You can literally go about your day without speaking to a single soul which as lovely as that seems some days, I'm sure there must be a link somewhere to this and the decline of people s mental health. It makes social interactions anxiety inducing and makes people only think of themselves so become selfish.
You don't have to speak to people at work?
Yeah it's a tough one though. It's good for employees to interact with other people but at the same time I think employers realised its cheaper to have people work from home.
It's hard to get right because some love working from home whereas others struggle.
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