How bad is it not to see my nephews who’s dad abondened them ?

[ShareLove]

So basically , my brother has 2 kids with his ex girlfriend and he doesn’t have anything to do with them , hasn’t over few years ! He’s a waster .
i keep in touch sometimes with the kids mum and talk on internet . How bad is it for me not to bother with them because even his dad doesn’t bother . Should i still see them? Well we are not close anymore . Do I still have responsibility to keep them in my life or should I just not bother? My brother doesn’t want our family to have anything to do with them and his ex gf family and kids .

I lost touch with my nephews for about 8 years

event they asked their mum who the people sending them birthday and Christmas cards were and could they meet us

we don’t see them a lot, probably about 3 times a year

i told their dad that we would be meeting them but its never been mentioned since

My ex abandoned our child. His family (siblings and parents) are “not allowed” contact. Ex throws a tantrum whenever they got in touch and they only tried once or twice to be honest. They’re all wasters but my heart breaks for my son who has been abandoned this way.

From your posts I’d say it would be best to stay out their lives. It would be worse to have sporadic contact and drop it whenever their dad decides he’s unhappy with you having contact with them.

if you really want to be in their lives, then do, but make a commitment to stay in their lives (even if it’s only in a minimal way) and to place them above your brother. If you can’t do that then it’s right to stay out their lives.

my brothers ex didn’t want us to see her son. My brother have very little contact. I send 2x cards a year letting him know we are thinking of him and giving him our address. Then he can contact for more if he wants. I’d love to see him but his mum doesn’t let us and now he’s older there is no relationship to build on.

I'd rather fall out with a waster brother than his children who have done nothing wrong.

I’d rather not speak to my brother and keep in contact with my nephews. They haven’t done anything wrong and shame on you and your family for falling for his pathetic blackmail attempts and tantrums because he’s a complete loser. I’d use the c word, but I’m a lady!

You sound like an appalling family, you and your brother both.

But yes, the decent thing to do would be to stay in touch with your nephews, and get off your arse and make an effort with them - because you are their aunt, and your brother/their father is a waste of space.

But you know, you do you..

My dh has kept in touch with his 3 nieces after his waste of space brother left them. One of them was my bridesmaid.

I would keep contact with the children, and abandon my brother. He really doesn't sound like a prince among men.

At the very least, is he paying maintenance?

Yeah, that was my first thought. What an awful thing to say @ShareLove
What a stupid username for someone like you!

Why don’t you want to fall out with him?
I’d have fallen out with him pretty hard for abandoning his children.
You clearly condone it. Shame on you.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. My eldest son’s father wasn’t in his life, but his grandparents were for 5yrs. Then they moved overseas. Said they’d send on the new address and just never bothered. This has had a lasting impression on him, and if extended family had been bothered it would have helped soften the blow

This 💯. OP, you sound absolutely horrible. They're kids.

I'd be so disgusted with my brother if he abandoned his own children, how do you bear being around this loser?? Sounds like you are both the fruit of the same rotten tree though, maybe leave the kids alone, let them escape from your awful family

This thread has made me so sad.

My uncle didn’t bother after my DF died. 30 years later, he’s back in my life, he declares his affection, and his regret at not being there for me. I say and do the right things to maintain the bridges and keep the family bond strong (there are others involved), but I will never, ever forget that he abandoned DM and I. It still hurts.

So, @ShareLove i suggest if you don’t bother with the children, if it’s too much effort to deal with your brother, then don't ever bother with them; just don’t expect them to want anything to do with you.

If I was in your situation I would keep in touch with the nephews and politely tell the brother to go fuck himself.

In your situation I would be part of my nephews lives as much as their mum wanted / allowed and never speak to my brother again. You sound awful though tbh

Why does he not want you to see them?

Why does he not want to see his own children?

Bloody hell.

Those poor kids.

I would be very firm that I was seeing them regardless of what he decides to do.

And I would absolutely judge him for not seeing his own children through choice.

You are all supposedly adults.

I wouldnt be arsed about my brother falling out with me over this. My brother is also a waste of space as a father to two of his children. (Three children by three mothers). That doesnt mean im a waste of space aunt.

This thread has been informative for me, I always wondered why my ex’s family abandoned my son after I kicked my useless ex out. My ex was a prick who treated his own siblings and parents like shit but they still sided with him. I thought they were decent people and I actually met my ex through his sister and had thought she was a friend. They have no idea if my son is alive or dead I have no idea how people can be like that but you know what, my son is better off without them and if you can’t put those kids ahead of your waster brother they are better off without you as well.

I agree with this.

But why wouldn't you want to be in their lives? Just because your brother is a bad dad doesn't mean that you have to be a bad aunt. Just make the effort, show them that you love and care for them.

I would cut off your despicable. deadbeat dad of a brother before I cut off his DC. After telling him what a disgusting person he is.

Those DC need decent people who care about them in their life with a father like that. Preferably people who can reinforce that it’s not their fault their Dad abandoned them, (kids can feel like that after rejection from a parent), it’s his.

If you can’t be ‘bothered’ as you’d rather keep a relationship with him, you’re obviously not one of those people so leave them alone. Obviously you have a similar lack of morals to him.

Hmmm, so your choices are:

A. fallout with the useless waste of flesh that is your brother - who abandoned his kids - by seeing his kids, and making sure they know who their family is

B. be a similarly useless person and abandon your family members who are innocent in all of this, just to keep the peace

Tough decision...

It's amazing that after all this time on here I can still be shocked by how morally bankrupt some people are.