How bad is it not to see my nephews who’s dad abondened them ?

[ShareLove]

So basically , my brother has 2 kids with his ex girlfriend and he doesn’t have anything to do with them , hasn’t over few years ! He’s a waster .
i keep in touch sometimes with the kids mum and talk on internet . How bad is it for me not to bother with them because even his dad doesn’t bother . Should i still see them? Well we are not close anymore . Do I still have responsibility to keep them in my life or should I just not bother? My brother doesn’t want our family to have anything to do with them and his ex gf family and kids .

It’s not your brothers choice who has contact with them. The kids are technically your family and have done nothing wrong.

Your poor nephews.

If my brother abandoned his DC (I don't think he would, but you never know) damn right I'd still see his DC. Because I absolutely adore them.

And if my brother caused arguments as a result I'd stop seeing him before I stopped seeing the niblings.

This.

Why do you care what your waster of a brother thinks? He can't even be arsed with his own children.

Children often come last. I have found that adults will often put their relationship with each other first, and not care about the children.

My dad abandoned me. My dad's brother and sister (my aunt and uncle) also abandoned me. For the same reason that you gave. That they didn't want my brother to fall out with them.

They never in my whole life checked on my welfare. At one stage my uncle and aunt lived in massive houses, while me and my mum lived in a homeless shelter.

I'm glad you at least asked the question on here, it shows you care about them to some extent. Do you realise that if you abandon them , then they will grow up without a father, or an aunty? Do you care about their welfare? Why are you putting your brother's feelings before theirs? You know that your brother is wrong and they are innocent children. Do you are if your brother falls out with you? He is in the wrong . Yes you should see them!

That should say "that they didn't want my father to fall out with them"

I split up from an ex over 20 years ago. His sister had a child who I classed as my nephew, we are still very much in touch. I went to his wedding, attended his sons christening, birthday party and so on.

How does he know if he has no contact?

But yesi would happily fall out with my brother if he told me i couldn't see my nephew

So in your own words your brother is a waster but you allow his reactions and opinions to dictate your life choices and who you love.
You let him take the lead and follow in his footsteps then instead of having a real relationship with your nephews.
It's not what most people would consider a good thing to base a decision on.

Why the hell would you care what your waste of space brother has to say about anything?
lose contct with him, build a relationship with his kids.

So wish there was a like button.

You've put the feelings of a grown man who abandoned his own children over the needs of said abandoned children? What's wrong with you?

This

I'm astonished you or any of your family speak to your brother - I would have cut him off by now. What a horrid human being he is.

Its been 9 years since BIL abandoned DN. None of us have (PILs, DH, and I) have ever regretted the effort to keep DN in our lives. She is a lovely girl (even when a stroppy teenager) and definitely family.

DH hasn't talked to his brother in three years... and that was his grandmothers funeral.

I'd see the kids and bin off the waster brother.

My BIL asked us not to have contact with our niece for the same reason your brother has given you.
We don’t miss him at all and have a great relationship with our (now adult) niece.

Honestly - as a stranger oP reading this I want to tell you - yes it is unreasonable to let go of the bond - these kids will grow up and if you don't get involved they will carry the trauma their whole life - and you have no idea what impact it will have

They might sit in a therapists office in 25 years saying 'not a single member of my dads family bothered with us - why? what was wrong with us? '

Or - they could be meeting you for lunch as adults getting to understand a bit about that side of their family tree, giving them at least some sense of who they are as a person

Your relationship with them should absolutely not be limited because of your selfish brother.

I think YABU not to stay in touch with them. They will feel so abandoned.

Jesus I can’t believe people are this callous

My dc fathers family doesn't keep in contact. Its been so long now, if they reached out I would tell them where to go. Family's who stand by the neglectful parent who abandons their dc are as bad as them. If he is a waster, then so are you.

Honestly, they're probably better off without you and your disgusting brother.

But in answer to your question, it's bad, really really FC**ING bad! But you know that.

Well your brother sounds like an arse...so why don't you drop him instead

My DD's father abandoned her when she was a toddler. His family though were fantastic and really stepped up from grandparents to aunts and uncles. I'm eternally grateful as my family were rubbish

This thread is really interesting to me as I was in the child's shoes. My dad abandoned me and his brother sister and mother also abandoned me. I often wondered how they could be so utterly heartless.

Your thread shows how adults can make a kind of flippant decision to cut a child off and not think of the severe emotional pain that this will cause the child.
think of how the childs life will be. Think it through.
ill tell you how my life was. Because my father's family cut me off, my life was absolute misery and suffering. My uncle and aunt cutting me off caused me huge suffering. I made several suicide attempts. Being cut off by your own family is incredibly hurtful. Being cut off by my father and by my aunt made me have absolutely no self esteem. I thought if my own family don't want me then I am worth absolutely nothing. It has hurt me terribly. It has caused me tremendous pain. Think about what those children's lives will be like if you cut them off.