To think a 3rd cousin isn't really a relative?

[CallMeNutribullet]

Not really a Royal family thread but inspired by some of the conversations I've seen online since the Queen's death.

I've seen lots of people suggesting the fact that the Queen and Prince Philip were 3rd cousins is creepy and incestuous. To me it's such a distant relationship that I honestly wouldn't even consider myself related to a 3rd cousin. Google tells me you share less than 1% of your DNA with a 3rd cousin and I can't imagine the vast majority of people have any idea who their 3rd cousins are.

Would others see it as a deal breaker in a relationship if you found out a potential partner shared great, great grandparents with them?

I've confused myself now
I think someone posted both the family trees up thread

I mean I think it seems a little freaky I feel like the older relatives would generally know the family tree.

People generally only know so far and in big families the branch's they keep in touch with.

You'll be the older generation one day, you probably know your cousins, you might know their kids. Unless your very close the odds of you knowing their grandchildren is remote esp in the days before Facebook and social media.

Exactly there are people I don't know but the older people in my family would certainly know. Surnames are also usually a giveaway.

I doubt that, in the average family. If a family has had very small numbers of offspring for several generations and have remained local, then maybe, but otherwise, unless you are a professional genealogist it is highly unlikely that you'd know exactly many third cousins you have, never mind who they all are. As families get smaller and technology allows people to stay in contact more easily it probably will be easier to identify distant relatives, but for people my age whose great great grandparents were born in the Victorian era and had the typical large families of the day it's nigh on impossible to even count 3rd cousins, and even harder to know their names and current whereabouts.
If anything people would probably have been more likely to realise that they were marrying a distant relative further back in the past because families did stay closer geographically and lack of mobility reduced potential marriage options - particularly pre Industrial Revolution. They will have known, but it just wasn't seen as particularly problematic.

As families get smaller and technology allows people to stay in contact more easily it probably will be easier to identify distant relatives

So we are saying the same thing really. . . . .
We have several family whatsapp groups - I don't know everyone and their kids but if my children dated someone with a similar name from anyone in those groups we would ask and find out if we didn't know. There's a high chance someone will know - also based on where people come from.

I am much younger I think but also talking about my own grandchildren who I couldn't see marrying my cousin's grandchildren. We are close. I also have other cousins I am not close to but know them well enough that if my grandchildren dated one of their family members we would ask about their background and find out easily that they are a close relative.

There's also no way in my family that I would have married my grandmother's cousins' grandchildren - I know them, most of them anyway and all of my grandmother's cousins and their families used to attend family gatherings, parties, weddings, funerals etc. It would be just bizarre to be honest. A lot of them/us are flower girls, bridesmaids and family weddings. It depends what your family members are like.

They will have known, but it just wasn't seen as particularly problematic.

In most cases, they wouldn't have cared if it wasn't mentioned in the Tables of Affinity who may and may not marry.

www.churchofengland.org/prayer-and-worship/worship-texts-and-resources/book-common-prayer/table-kindred-and-affinity

I think it is weird.

I’m quite close to my second cousins, our grandads were brothers, and we even have physical similarities in our appearance, we’re all very tall for women - 6ft and over, same mouth and nose, we all have long narrow teeth with gaps between the two front ones, same textured hair, etc. Would these clearly genetic similarities be any less likely in third cousins?

I think you are unusual in that case @Farmerazza
You must be extremely close or have a very small family to know most of your third cousins.
Even in a smallish family, where each set of great great grandparents had only 2 children (which would be fairly unusual before contraception was widely available) and subsequent generations had that or less, you'd probably have somewhere around 100 in the "current" generation and I doubt most people know that many relations. Many families were of course much bigger in the past.
Each of my 8 sets of Victorian great great grandparents had at least 6 children, some many more which was pretty much the norm then. They didn't all survive of course, but lots did and many had large families of their own. That means that there are many hundreds, possibly thousands of people alive today who are descended from the same 16 people as me, scattered all over the world. And we're not unusual. I know plenty of other hobby genealogists and most have broadly similar experiences. I don't have a peculiarly large family.
I don't dispute that you know and view your 3rd cousins etc as close family, but honestly that's not the case for most people. And in genetic terms, we share only a tiny amount with relatives that far from us - the commonly quoted figure is that third cousins share 0.78% of their DNA on average. That's really not closely related.

Those who are saying 3rd generation cousins are too close to marry.
How many generations apart should cousins be? Keeping in mind the law allows for 1st generation cousins to marry.

If identical twins both married and had children (1st cousins) who then married, would they be closer in terms of DNA than the children of ordinary siblings? I can’t get my head round it!

Well I know all my 3rd and 4th cousins, so I wouldn't, we all grew up together. Be weird for me.

For instance I'm very close with my grandfather's siblings, their children and their children.

3rd cousin is a weak genetic link.

Your grandfather's siblings are your great aunt,
her children are your 1st cousins, once removed,
her grandchildren are your 2nd cousins.

Do your children know your 2nd cousins children?

My own GF was very close to one of his sisters and nephews, I'd know my second cousins, and I know off their children but I very much doubt my children would know their children.

Yes, they all play together and know eachother 😂 and because of how the ages have all worked out, my 2nd cousins children are a similar ages.

But we all live within like a 10mile radius of eachother and are all in and out of each others houses all the time!

Some of us call eachother aunty (enter name) but they are technically a cousin.

I'd odd I know! Haha

Well I know all my 3rd and 4th cousins, so I wouldn't, we all grew up together.
Honestly? How many 4th cousins do you have? That would be all the descendants of your 32 great, great, great grandparents. Mine would run into thousands I think.

It's the norm to have 4 generations alive at the same time and we have 5 generations alive still in some branches of the family tree. Very women heavy, all us women seam to live to our late 90's without much issue. The husband's seem to die in their late70's/ 80's.

Matriarchal family really.

I wouldn't have said it was the norm to have 4 generations alive at the same time. Unless they all started very young.

Most people are lucky to see their GGC.

I know all my first cousins and their children. But I only have 7 cousins.

But my mum had 9 aunties/uncles and about 30 cousins and my dad had 7 aunties/uncles and over 20 cousins. When I was growing up we only saw a couple of parent's cousins on each side, the ones they were close to. There's no way we saw 50 cousins and their families!

Sorry should have said "norm in our family"

We all have our babies in our early 20's. Were all done having babies by our late 20's.

Right now just for my direct line alive and kicking with no health problems and seeing eachother daily is

My grandmother (Born 1943)
My mother (Born 1965)
Me (Born 1990)
DS (Born 2014)

When my nephew was born, brother's son we had

My great grandmother (Born 1923)
My grandmother (Born 1943)
My Mother (Born 1965)
My Brother ( Born 1987)
My Nephew (Born 2011)

My ds met someone at a party during college and through conversation realised they were distant cousins. They had obviously never met previously and it was only through messaging his dad that the full connection was made. If there hadn't been a few clues...place of birth in a small village where ds knew his granddad had hailed from..the connection might not have been made. If the cousin had been female a relationship could have developed. My family are very aware of relatives even quite distantly but dhs family have no clue and very little interest so relationships are possible.

But what about their children?

Would that be acceptable?
Or their grandchildren?

How many generations is 'acceptable'?

I saw an article about this the other day. They said the kids of the twins' DNA was as close as brothers, not sure about the closeness of their kids though.

I wouldn't have said it was the norm to have 4 generations alive at the same time. Unless they all started very young

MIL died this year, she was born in 1928 and she had two great-grandchildren.

My uncle died at 90 and he had great-grandchildren.

But I don't really know the wider family. I think it would be quite easy for me to meet a third cousin and not know unless we got talking about our family trees. I do know some second cousins but I only met them at a funeral.

@gatehouseoffleet , that doesn't sound right. Wouldn't it be that the children of identical twins would be like half-siblings? Then their children would be like half-first cousins, not second cousins. (i.e one shared grandparent DNA)

Can anyone remind me what a third cousin is? If I found out I wouldn’t like And if you all married your third cousins and then children did the same, isn’t that when it becomes an issue? So if you know, you shouldn’t, just to keep everything as diluted as possible.

Ok I’ve worked it out. Yes I do know some of my third cousins and god that would be weird!! And we do share some physical traits actually. Ick.