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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 3rd cousin isn't really a relative?

204 replies

CallMeNutribullet · 13/09/2022 15:37

Not really a Royal family thread but inspired by some of the conversations I've seen online since the Queen's death.

I've seen lots of people suggesting the fact that the Queen and Prince Philip were 3rd cousins is creepy and incestuous. To me it's such a distant relationship that I honestly wouldn't even consider myself related to a 3rd cousin. Google tells me you share less than 1% of your DNA with a 3rd cousin and I can't imagine the vast majority of people have any idea who their 3rd cousins are.

Would others see it as a deal breaker in a relationship if you found out a potential partner shared great, great grandparents with them?

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 13/09/2022 15:41

No. I don't have a clue who my third cousins are and I wouldn't care. It's averaged most people have around 190 third cousins, and I can bet they don't know who they are. I wouldn't consider myself related to a third cousin.

NC499 · 13/09/2022 15:42

I would only be interested in a third cousin if they were well known, and even that would be a cursory interest, and yes, I have many first cousins, I know a few second cousins, but I know nothing of my third cousins and could for all I know have married one!

And no it wouldn't be a dealbreaker!

Maybe you are one of my third cousins OP!

InsertPunHere · 13/09/2022 15:42

It’s a very distant relative.

picklemewalnuts · 13/09/2022 15:43

Generally speaking it isn't a problem.

It becomes a problem if it's happening a lot, so the cousins are all more closely related.

Butchyrestingface · 13/09/2022 15:47

There was a similar thread to this recently.

I don't think it's creepy and incestuous. Certainly doesn't make you a Targaryen. I couldn't even tell you who my third cousins are - could have shagged any number of them unawares. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Having said that, the centuries long amount of inbreeding in the European Royal families makes me think they should avoid any sort of consanguinity weddings, if poss.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 13/09/2022 15:49

I think how you regard them depends on how much interaction your families have.

there's part of my family that I'd have NO IDEA who they are, but another part of my family that third cousins meet (with the rest of the family) at least a couple of times a year & so it would be too weird.

if they never met up as family first & foremost, then
id say it's not an issue.

80sMum · 13/09/2022 15:54

I met a few of my 3rd cousins during the course of family history research about 20 years ago. We're still in touch, but only infrequently (usually just a catch up letter at Christmas or a post on Facebook). We feel connected and keep each other updated with family news from time to time, but we don't think of ourselves as close relatives.
I must admit, though, that it would feel a bit strange to be marrying a cousin.

newnamethanks · 13/09/2022 15:57

I have dozens of third cousins and don't know any of them. I expect most of us are the same. Barely any relation at all although I wouldn't marry one.

PinkHeadphones · 13/09/2022 16:02

So am I right that my second cousins are my parents’ cousins children (Ok, I have met a few of them) and my third cousins are my grandparents’ cousins’ children’s children? No idea who my grandparents’ cousins are let alone their children’s children.

Samcro · 13/09/2022 16:03

so my cousin has a child.....what are they to me? (googled but still confused)

x2boys · 13/09/2022 16:04

I don't know my second cousins let alone my third cousins, generally it wouldn't be a problem but there was a lot of inter relation marriage between European royal families at the time .

alexdgr8 · 13/09/2022 16:09

in uk it is perfectly legal to marry your first cousin, though may not be wise, if there is any hereditary weakness.
i think this feeling against any kind of cousin marriage comes from countries that do not allow first cousins to marry ?
it is a non-issue generally in uk.

fyn · 13/09/2022 16:09

@Samcro second cousin once removed

AprilRae91 · 13/09/2022 16:09

I see my third cousins a few times a year at family events, we all look a little bit alike and call one another cousins. It depends on the family situation though.

AprilRae91 · 13/09/2022 16:10

unless they’re not third cousins- my Grandmas brothers daughters children?

fyn · 13/09/2022 16:10

@Samcro sorry, read it wrong! Your first cousins children would be a cousin once removed

Samcro · 13/09/2022 16:11

fyn · 13/09/2022 16:09

@Samcro second cousin once removed

yep get that now lol so a third cousin would be my dads, cousins child?

x2boys · 13/09/2022 16:12

Samcro · 13/09/2022 16:03

so my cousin has a child.....what are they to me? (googled but still confused)

First cousins once removed i think ?

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 13/09/2022 16:16

Don't know if this will come up high-res enough — if not, Google cousin chart, and there are plenty of images that make the whole thing much clearer.

To think a 3rd cousin isn't really a relative?
x2boys · 13/09/2022 16:17

So I think my children are second cousins to my cousins children, so third cousins would be any grandchildren I might have and any grandchildren my cousins might have ??

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 13/09/2022 16:23

According to this Elizabeth married a guy who was apparently her father's father's father's mother's daughter's daughter's daughter's son, and her father's father's father's father's son's son's son. So (at least) doubly related, but fairly distant on both counts.

Royals are traditionally inbred tho.

To think a 3rd cousin isn't really a relative?
Weightlossanne · 13/09/2022 16:24

I’d seen something on Facebook about her doing nothing about the incest in the Royal family. I’ve googled it and can’t find anything closer recently than the Queen and Prince Philip being third cousins.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 13/09/2022 16:25

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 13/09/2022 16:23

According to this Elizabeth married a guy who was apparently her father's father's father's mother's daughter's daughter's daughter's son, and her father's father's father's father's son's son's son. So (at least) doubly related, but fairly distant on both counts.

Royals are traditionally inbred tho.

Sorry, that second one was father's father's mother's father's son's son's son. Got tangled up Grin

Bramshott · 13/09/2022 16:25

My grandmother and her cousin were almost as close as sisters, so I definitely know my third cousins on that side and consider them a part of my family.

Day20 · 13/09/2022 16:33

It's creepy. But what springs to mind is my own family so my immediate cousins are mainly around my age... but their youngest sib is 7 which is the same age as my own Son!

So it's just not right there's enough people in the world surely to be not dating your own family members.

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