Are you "allowed" to talk to child outside school gates?

[Macbeth8]

Bit of a "should I have" moment

Day off and I always have the toddler- she doesnt go to any nursery or preschool yet.
She has gotten used to her big sis being home for the summer and seems lost without her. Bless
Before summer my 4 year old would only do 4 days at nurseryso we always had one day off all together
Shes just started Primary. And today I took toddler out to cheer her up, to cafe and the library which so happens to be near dd1s school so decided to have a walk past with no idea if it was their play out time!
Anyway it so happens it was! And dd1 was out with her friends n spotted us. They came running to the gate and wanted to talk. Dd2 had some blackberries in her hand and dd1&her mates all asked if they could have one
I just gave them 1 each n told them to go back&play. Just as I walked by, another parent who also has a son in my dds class walked past too - she gave me a really annoyed, angry look..I said hi (because recognised her) but didn't look happy at all! I think she had just pulled up and saw me hand those blackberries to them!
Im really distressed now worrying she might have reported me or tell the other mums!
Ive not seen any rules stating you arent allowed to do this? Was I wrong? I feel like an idiot now.

🤣

At my primary school in the late 1970s it was forbidden to talk to anyone at all through the school gates or railings I distinctly remember being told 'even if it's your friend or family'. Any attempts would result in a severe bollocking. So even then it was a definite no no

Op.. you won't do it again.. but a story that might help explain why stopping isn't a great idea.. i used to help out at school. My ds reception was playing races and losing.. as soon as he saw me burst into tears.. this was the end of lunch.. i had to hand my sobbing child to his teacher.

In my opinion if he hadn't seen me would have got on with it.

Its fine whilst all going well its not when they aren't.

I think you may be reading too much into it, but at most schools I am aware of talking to people through the fence is discouraged. Yes, on this occasion it was your child, and it was innocent, but another occasion it could be an adult talking to a child they are not allowed to have contact with etc etc.

Don’t worry about it. You walked past the school and chatted to the kids. It’s not a big deal

I work in a school and it’s incredibly annoying when people appear at the gate or fence and start chatting to the kids.
I have no idea if the woman trying to talk to the children is a mum/aunt/Nanna/mums friend/stranger.
Then I have to go over and look like a miserable cow to tell the kids to come away. It’s a safeguarding issue and we’ve recently been told to report to safeguarding leads in school when people appear at the fence.

Just to reiterate I didnt walk by on purpose. Like mentioned on my OP..I didnt even know it was their lunch time. It is a route to get back home.

Anyways, I actually mentioned it to both parents at pick up today and they found it hilarious 😂🤣. They said it was fine and said maybe they may expect us to walk by more often and slip them something even more tantalising ! Maybe strawberries next time!
We joked how we could all have shifts on our days off.

Some of the responses on here have been ridiculous..they were given lne blackberry not sweets! Ironically, they were given chocolates today at home time because it was someone's Birthday 🤨

You can’t walk past our school with out a gaggle of kids shouting ‘it’s X’s mummy!’ I usually wave to the teachers too.

Even in the 1970s we weren’t allowed near the fence to talk to people going past and that was a little village school where it was extremely unlikely to be an adult unknown to a child.
Wave as you go past is fine. Stopping and talking to children is not. I’d be concerned the adults on break duty hadn’t noticed and come over to check who you were and usher the children away.

I’ve also worked in a school where it was a safeguarding issue that had to be passed on.

Definitely not allowed!
One day it’s a mum, the next a paedophile. How are the staff supposed to know the difference? They can’t, so no talking to anyone through the gate.

TRIGGER -

Not RTFT but blackberries can be highly allergenic. I would not give them to kids I don’t know.

This is the sad story of a little girl who died

Blackberry Allergy Death

Absolutely not allowed at our school.

The children aren’t allowed right near the fence and if a parent talks to them then a text is sent reminding all parents not to talk to children through the fence.

So yesterday you were distressed and you knew you had make a mistake as soon as you had done it and you would never do it again and you were worried as you already don't feel like you fit in.

And today you think it was completely fine and that other posters are ridiculous for thinking it's not OK to talk to children when they are at school and comparing you giving children fruit through the playground fence to children being given chocolate for a birthday.

I've worked in lots of schools, and the children are never allowed to eat things like birthday sweets until they get back to their own parent. It's not the same at all.

Yes, you know those children out of school. But the problem is that you are teaching your child that it's OK to talk to people through the fence whilst she is at school.

So don't go in and complain if someone you don't know talks to your child through the fence when she is at school as it is you that has shown her it's OK.

We regularly walked past dd school as we only live around the corner and the local shops are directly opposite the playground.
if I see dd I wave and say hi but that’s it really. I wouldn’t pass food in to dd or her friends.

First week of school and the OP is already CPOMed. Only fourteen years to go.

Yabvvvvu.

Parents are not allowed talk through the gates at playtime, it is a safe guarding issue.

Teacher's cannot know every parent or police adults approaching DC during playtime so as a rule they insist parents don't do it.

It is a no no.

Wow the other parents are selfish too thinking it was hilarious.
Have they no idea about safeguarding DC either.

Definitely shouldn't have given it the food. What if one had a severe allergy or something. I've chatted to my dc before - their playground is on a main road so I'm sure it happens from time to time but I wouldnt hang about long as staff need to come and check etc if seen

Organic - YANBU

Not organic - YABU

So you are fine.

@Macbeth8 oh dear, I can see the anxiety in your posts you poor thing. It was a silly thing to do, but don't go making it into a bigger deal by putting it on the school whatsapp group or texting the mums. You did it, move on and just don't do it again (as I'm sure you won't!)

It really isn't the end of the world and will be forgotten about soon. When you see the mum who look at you just say hi and act normal and leave it there.

I think you’re really overthinking this and worrying about nothing. You seem really anxious about it. Just try to forget about it it will be absolutely fine

There’s a child in my DD’s class with a berry allergy. Didn’t find this out until we hosted a party. I don’t see the issue with saying hi if you want to unless the school has said not to. The kids at the local primary (not the one my DD attends) yelled at me through the fence to throw their ball back the other day and I obliged, and that was in London, not a quiet village. I’ll confess to giving the local park a swerve when DD is doing sports on the playing fields so I don’t disrupt her though.

I don't think you're well OP.

My ds7 always runs over to me at lunch when he sees me dropping his bro at nursery and every single time a playground staff comes over and asks him who I am and how does he know me and then stands and stares despite the fact this happens most days as I can’t avoid him going to nursery. I appreciate they do it tho as one day it might not be me and I’d be glad they protected him