Are you "allowed" to talk to child outside school gates?

[Macbeth8]

Bit of a "should I have" moment

Day off and I always have the toddler- she doesnt go to any nursery or preschool yet.
She has gotten used to her big sis being home for the summer and seems lost without her. Bless
Before summer my 4 year old would only do 4 days at nurseryso we always had one day off all together
Shes just started Primary. And today I took toddler out to cheer her up, to cafe and the library which so happens to be near dd1s school so decided to have a walk past with no idea if it was their play out time!
Anyway it so happens it was! And dd1 was out with her friends n spotted us. They came running to the gate and wanted to talk. Dd2 had some blackberries in her hand and dd1&her mates all asked if they could have one
I just gave them 1 each n told them to go back&play. Just as I walked by, another parent who also has a son in my dds class walked past too - she gave me a really annoyed, angry look..I said hi (because recognised her) but didn't look happy at all! I think she had just pulled up and saw me hand those blackberries to them!
Im really distressed now worrying she might have reported me or tell the other mums!
Ive not seen any rules stating you arent allowed to do this? Was I wrong? I feel like an idiot now.

I don't think it's a great idea to disrupt your child at school even if it is playtime. If the school is situated so people can interact with children in the playground (which is not ideal in the first place) then parents should definitely not be encouraging their children to do so. The schools near me who have playgrounds next to public pavements usually have a wooden kind of trellis up so people can't see in.

Last term my son was conveniently sat by the fence when i went to drop off his hat, it saved a teacher or TA having ho walk all the way to the gate or office by plonking it straight on his head. So there are times teachers are glad of a quick chat through the fence!
I wouldn't pass food, especially to other children - but I don't think it's worth bringing up an apology, just leave it and move on.
Just walking past saying hi, keep moving during playtime is fine, children aren't encouraged to chat for long but to not acknowledge people would be a bit weird!

@MelodyPondsMum For all they we and the other mother know the OP could’ve been handing the kids over crack or any drug. Thankfully it wasn’t the case, someone in the future may have other ideas which is why it needs to be reported so it doesn’t happen.

Behave! OP would know if her school was berry free.
We have allergies in our family that have resulted in hospitalisation. I really don't appreciate you using real health issues to try to catastrophise and panic an already anxious mum.

Jesus, why do you do that? . I'm surprised nobody's taken you to one side yet...

As others have said, not really the done thing and probably not something to repeat with the food.

However, you reacted instinctively and the “I didn’t think about it” reason would respirate with anyone sensible if anyone did ever mention it (highly unlikely!).

Of course they were. How very mumsnet! 🤣🤣🤣.

It's really not a big deal. I wouldn't give it another thought

I know, that would be completely unacceptable at our school and nursery. How is a kid supposed to settle and enjoy with his bonkers mother screaming at the fence. Don't people use their free time to do something else for a couple of hours?

Oh dear, is it that bad? I've done it maybe 3 or 4 times in the 6 years he's been at primary school. We're at a tiny school where everyone knows everyone else so whenever I've done it the teachers just wave and smile at me. I only do it because it gives him such a thrill! He tells me to talk to him if I'm walking past!

Yeah that's really inappropriate. Let him play with his friends.

You must be the talk of the staff room with those sort of antics.

Of course I do! I love my free time. I don't purposely hang around the school gates at break time. It happens to be en-route to my office so if I see him I'll say hi. As I said above I've probably done it 4 times in 6 years.

OK, I'm never going to do it again! 😅Feeling embarrassed now.

I’ve spoken to my kids through the fence before as they’ve spotted me when on a dog walk and then you have to say hello. Playground staff couldn’t be less bothered they know I’m a parent. I wouldn’t feed them through the fence though!

It happens all the time here the fence that runs along the playground must be 500m long and it’s a small place with one main road which runs past the school. There’s no pavement on the other side of the road either so it’s hard to dodge.

such a non event to post about on the class WhatsApp. I wouldn’t bother unless saying something twee like “was passing by school today at break it was so lovely to see them all playing together so good to be back!” Type thing

It is distinctly odd that certain posters on here seem to struggle with the basic concept that not all schools are like their own and that their rules and approaches aren't universal. And it seems lots have forgotten that the point of MN is supporting other parents - not trying to put the fear of God into an already worried OP and pretending there is one school to rule them all (a school which seems to be large, inner city, impersonal and English).

Talking to the kids, no problem. Giving them berries, I wouldn't be happy although it came from a good place (my son reacts to blackberries).

Yeah I really wouldn't do it. Regardless of size of school etc it isn't really appropiate as kids need their time to play with their friends.

But also don't overworry or apologise on school app etc. Pretry much most people have said don't do it but don't worry about it!!

The OP is obviously now very aware that the food thing is a huge no no but yes, just to echo, I could feel my blood run cold at the food thing because my DS has allergies and until very recently (He is 12 and has learning issues) was unable to work out for himself what might be risky or not regarding food.

He once cadged some banana cake off a friend and came home and told me how much he had liked this strange cake he had never had before. Cue me anxiously calling the other boy's poor mum and asking her to read the ingredient list to me over the phone (which she did, the wonderful kind woman).

I actually have to agree with on this.

@SallyWD after reading that you are from a small area I actually don’t think what you are doing is as strange as I originally thought.

In the city or a large town especially in a popular school I still stand by the fact that handing over food to children you hardly know is very worrying. Especially considering how ignorant many people can be when it comes to allergies.

Reading this thread is so sad. what a world we living in. so much fear.

When plump parents handed their kids pies and chips through the school fences it made the national papers. It really is that inappropriate.

Yeah its the food thing, allergies are a huge issue these days and these kids are too young to say - no thanks I'm allergic etc. Say hi next time, never hand anything over.

Some of you sound like very needy parents. Just leave your kids alone while they're in school. My daughter has had 10 years of school so far and I have never felt the need to go to the school gate for a chat. They will get independence from non clingy parents.

How did you not hear it was play time? I live in a village, about 10 mins walk to the school and if I'm outside my house I can hear whether it's first play, lunch or last play.
It makes me smile (wistfully as mine are 13 and 23 now).

If I happened to be passing the school when it was play time (the surgery used to be right next door) then I would look for my son while I was passing and give him a wave, but that's it.

Last play? Do you mean at lunch time or do they have another playtime!?