Page 4 | Unborn Baby - Friend Is Being Pushed Away

Confusedbannana · 2022-09-12T19:59:08+00:00

A male friend of mine is being pushed away by a women who he accidentally got pregnant whilst dating (yes, we did all ask the age old contraception question!). She broke up with him after about 8 weeks of dating, and then got back in contact to tell him she was pregnant. Although shocked, he was genuinely happy, he even wanted to try and give a relationship a go. He tried to show her how he wanted to be involved, tried to maintain contact etc etc. Heartbreakingly, she has completely frozen him out. She speaks to him like he is worthless and doesn't want to involve him at all. It appears she was just after a sperm donor. He is completely heart broken and doesn't know what to do. She won't involve him in discussions about names, has said she won't put him on the birth certificate, had a go at him for not being in contact for a few months (following on from her completely losing it at him so he gave her space). He is a genuinely nice bloke who wanted to settle down and have a family. I completely agree with her not wanting him at the birth as 100% that is a vulnerable position to be in and very personal, and at the end of the day they don't really know each other. But in all other ways she's treating him like complete shite. What should he do? What steps shall he take? AIBU for thinking she needs to grow up and accept he has rights too?

legsarerequiredforjumpingdancing · 13/09/2022 14:35

Gymnopedie · 13/09/2022 14:08

If that's aimed at me, no I'm not an MRA. Anything but. However if a woman says she's on the pill but isn't, I'm not prepared to give her a free pass just because she's female.

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it wasn’t but having read your posts, you also sound like an MRA. hope that helps

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/09/2022 14:54

They had a short fling, didn't use protection, now he is overwhelming her with wanting discussions about the future and names etc, getting his friends involved too.
How dare he want to be involved in decisions that are responsible for the future of his child. He must be a right scummer.

She really hasn't done anything wrong
Apart from tell him he wasn’t going on the bc which is just game playing, and not in the best interest of the most important person here, the child. Oh and apart from telling him to leave her alone then using that to berate him about not caring? Some might call that gaslighting.

Obviously there are 3 sides to this story but it’s getting pretty embarrassing to read the same man hating bitterness over and over. Women can be cunts too, yet this always seems to be overlooked because men are the devil and everything we do must be to defeat them… not putting your child at first, just men are bad at all costs.

legsarerequiredforjumpingdancing · 13/09/2022 15:11

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/09/2022 14:54

They had a short fling, didn't use protection, now he is overwhelming her with wanting discussions about the future and names etc, getting his friends involved too.
How dare he want to be involved in decisions that are responsible for the future of his child. He must be a right scummer.

She really hasn't done anything wrong
Apart from tell him he wasn’t going on the bc which is just game playing, and not in the best interest of the most important person here, the child. Oh and apart from telling him to leave her alone then using that to berate him about not caring? Some might call that gaslighting.

Obviously there are 3 sides to this story but it’s getting pretty embarrassing to read the same man hating bitterness over and over. Women can be cunts too, yet this always seems to be overlooked because men are the devil and everything we do must be to defeat them… not putting your child at first, just men are bad at all costs.

where’s the man hating?

10HailMarys · 13/09/2022 15:18

He's your friend and you've only given his side of the story, as interpreted by you, so nobody here can say what the pregnant woman should or shouldn't do.

Anyway, this is between him and her to sort out. I don't think it will really help him to have you gossiping about the situation on Mumsnet, and I think you sound very over-invested in the situation.

MessyBunPersonified · 13/09/2022 15:27

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/09/2022 14:54

They had a short fling, didn't use protection, now he is overwhelming her with wanting discussions about the future and names etc, getting his friends involved too.
How dare he want to be involved in decisions that are responsible for the future of his child. He must be a right scummer.

She really hasn't done anything wrong
Apart from tell him he wasn’t going on the bc which is just game playing, and not in the best interest of the most important person here, the child. Oh and apart from telling him to leave her alone then using that to berate him about not caring? Some might call that gaslighting.

Obviously there are 3 sides to this story but it’s getting pretty embarrassing to read the same man hating bitterness over and over. Women can be cunts too, yet this always seems to be overlooked because men are the devil and everything we do must be to defeat them… not putting your child at first, just men are bad at all costs.

I don't hate men at all, just know enough about them to be able to read between the lines of what he's telling his mates so he can play the victim, and what's actually happening.

There is no baby yet, any decisions at this point are hers, and hers alone. For him to be involved in anything would entail some kind of relationship with her, which she doesn't want.

If she's decided not to put his name on the BC (therefore making it more difficult to get CMS from him) then maybe have a little think about why she would do that. As for his story of her saying leave her alone, then berating him for leaving her alone, that doesn't sound plausible either.

InsertPunHere · 13/09/2022 15:37

Until the baby is born there’s nothing have and or should bedoing - it’s her pregnancy and her business.

Once the child is born and paternity established, he can gain access through the courts to have a relationship with his child.

Starlightstarbright1 · 13/09/2022 16:15

MessyBunPersonified · 13/09/2022 15:27

I don't hate men at all, just know enough about them to be able to read between the lines of what he's telling his mates so he can play the victim, and what's actually happening.

There is no baby yet, any decisions at this point are hers, and hers alone. For him to be involved in anything would entail some kind of relationship with her, which she doesn't want.

If she's decided not to put his name on the BC (therefore making it more difficult to get CMS from him) then maybe have a little think about why she would do that. As for his story of her saying leave her alone, then berating him for leaving her alone, that doesn't sound plausible either.

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I often relate this to where are the men that ever admit they are abusive or a rubbish dad..

Op you haven't answered the question has he offered help to pay for set up? Pay maintenance?

bloodyunicorns · 13/09/2022 17:13

lemonyanus · 13/09/2022 12:20

It's quite rare that a mother will choose not to have the child's father involved, and accept their support. There must be a reason why and 'she only wanted a sperm donor' isn't the reason. He sounds full on and controlling.

You can't possibly surmise that from what Op has posted!

Men are damned if they do and dammed if they don't.

charliee112 · 13/09/2022 20:50

luxxlisbon · 13/09/2022 09:35

How is it anything to do with man hating? Just because OP (his over involved friend!) said he is lovely, other than that we have absolutely no idea what he is like or how this relationship went down. All we know if they “dated” for mere weeks and now she is pregnant. It clearly wasn’t going well enough for them to be together only a few weeks later.
This woman is her own person, he isn’t entitled to share her pregnancy with her. He is a complete stranger to her. 8 weeks is barely a relationship!

Like all threads on here we don't know the other the perspective from the other person. But we can give advice. Or does that count when it's men that need advice?

If she doesn't/didn't want him involved why tell him? Invite him to the 20 week scan and then snatch it away. If she was posting on her saying she was in a relationship for 8 weeks and now pregnant and the father hadn't been in touch everyone on this thread will be calling him a waste of space.

charliee112 · 13/09/2022 20:51

hewouldwouldnthe · 13/09/2022 09:48

Frankly I have no sympathy for your friend. An 8 week relationship, no contraception, no idea who he was really dating, now pushing for a relationship with her and access to the child. Disaster all round.

For gods sake did you not read the thread? He asked if she wanted a relationship when she first told him she said no he then backed off and hasn't spoke about it since!

charliee112 · 13/09/2022 20:54

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/09/2022 14:54

They had a short fling, didn't use protection, now he is overwhelming her with wanting discussions about the future and names etc, getting his friends involved too.
How dare he want to be involved in decisions that are responsible for the future of his child. He must be a right scummer.

She really hasn't done anything wrong
Apart from tell him he wasn’t going on the bc which is just game playing, and not in the best interest of the most important person here, the child. Oh and apart from telling him to leave her alone then using that to berate him about not caring? Some might call that gaslighting.

Obviously there are 3 sides to this story but it’s getting pretty embarrassing to read the same man hating bitterness over and over. Women can be cunts too, yet this always seems to be overlooked because men are the devil and everything we do must be to defeat them… not putting your child at first, just men are bad at all costs.

Absolutely this!