To be miffed about joint money account contributions??

[Lisjones]

Just moved in with partner. He is the main earner.
My take home is around £1400 a month but some months can be less as I'm self employed; his is around 2500-3000 a month after tax.
Our joint outgoings including mortgage, energy, water etc. are around £1100.

When we moved in, we agreed I'd put £850 in and he'd put £900 but I'm sat here working out my costs now and he's saving a much bigger percentage than me.
WIBU to ask him if I could put around £750 in instead. I feel cheeky asking but Ill struggle to save otherwise.

Atm I earn around £1800 before tax

You seem to have a big disparity in earnings. Even as a full time teacher, I can't imagine you'll be earning anything close to 6k a month? I think in the early stages of living together it's reasonable to split bills quite equally. However if you've got to the stage of buying together I feel you must both have accepted your career choices etc and I don't think it's reasonable for one person to be rolling in cash while the other struggles, just feels very unbalanced. I'm the higher earner in my relationship, DH does a valuable, tiring job but it's just not that well paid and I don't want to penalise him for that.

I'd split mortgage equally then Bill's by percentage

You should have the same spending money once you've sorted all bills

Totally unfair- what's he doing with the rest of his money? Is he aware of your situation? Have you actually told him ?

You're part time?

Why should he subsidise your lifestyle choice?

Your story is all over the place, his salary has doubled since you first mentioned it (and your explanation over first payslip makes no sense) and now your has gone up by about a third as well. So I just don’t know what is what.

I fully believe in sharing finances and DH and I both consider everything to be joint and we operate as one pot. But I wouldn’t do that with somebody I am not married to, I would keep a degree of separation of finances. I probably wouldn’t have bought a house with somebody without marriage either, but if I did, I would have at least worked these things out beforehand.

Your earnings are also suggesting that you work part time, but you have not mentioned any caring responsibilities that would explain that. So no, I don’t think he should subsidise you further, I think you should take control of your financial situation yourself by earning more.

This! Are you thinking of marrying him.. does he realise that if you did get married this is unsustainable and it would be all shared? Tread carefully xo

Sorry it didn’t post the quote I was referring to! Deffo sounds unfair to me and he would need to be generous for me to consider him long term.. x

I do really feel like some posters are missing the point - I'm not asking him to pay my share of the house; I can afford half of our mortgage and bills; I just don't want to put extra in as the Extra is a lot of money to me;

I'm a supply teacher, I usually work full time but September is a slow month so I've taken on a role which pays me £450ish a week for now until things pick up and I'm back to £700ish a week.

I don’t understand what the problem is then, if you can afford the bills and mortgage and you don’t want him to increase his share to cover it what is the issue?
Surely you just say “I’m not saving any money for a holiday while I’m working less”. Why aren’t you saying/doing that?

Do you not feel able to just say to him "obviously I'll still pay my half of the house and bills but I can't put any more money into a holiday fund until work picks up again I'm afraid"?

If not, or if you think he'd have an issue with that, then this isn't a healthy relationship.

Pay the £550.00 only. Sit down, talk through your incomes and point out the situation you are in. Have your own savings and see if you can afford a holiday when the time comes.

I do really feel like some posters are missing the point - I'm not asking him to pay my share of the house; I can afford half of our mortgage and bills; I just don't want to put extra in as the Extra is a lot of money to me

That's all in your power though, so just tell him that?

NRTFT. You still live really cheaply considering what most people's monthly outgoings are. Will you still expect 50% of the house if you split? From your posts I have read there's no reason why you couldn't earn elsewhere or that you work PT because you have joint children so I think it's reasonable to split expenses equally in your case.

Not really. You say the mortgage is £550 and you put £850 into the pot. The other £300 a month surely is mainly swallowed up by the bills.

People are missing the point because your information has been all over the place tbh!

Just tell him this, it’s perfectly acceptable, you’re still covering your side of the bills and saving for holidays isn’t something you can afford to do right now.

No, £550 is half the £1,100 mortgage & bills total, the extra £300 was savings for holidays.

She’s not asking him to, she just doesn’t want to put in extra for savings right now.

Although tbh no wonder the Op is having a hard time communicating this to her DP as she’s making the entire story incredibly convoluted!

I'm really sorry I've confused everyone, was not my intention!

Unless your lower income is due to caring responsibilities ( either now or in the past affecting your earning potential), or because you've jointly agreed for you to take a back seat in our career in order to take on more of the load at home, then you split the bills 50:50, surely? You can earn much more than £1400/m as a full time teacher.

What about just because you don't have a "career"? You just have a low-paid job? Splitting the bills 50/50 when that 50% could take 30% of one partners wage and 90% of the others doesn't really seem fair. So you just have one partner who is skint all the time?

If he’s earning 5-6k a month and you earn a lot less then he shouldn’t be expecting you to put in so much.

Im going against the grain here.
I personally wouldnt ever feel comfortable not paying half my share of the house. It confuses me why its assumed because someone has a better paid job that they should pay more and why it shouldnt be equal for a house u both live in.
I wouldnt agree to live in a house i couldn't afford my half of and wouldnt expect my partner to pay more because i agreed to a house i couldnt afford.

@Loki64 but I can afford the house and the bills? Half is £550ish each. I'm just saying that I'd rather keep my savings for other things like holidays in separate bank accounts so I can keep track of my money.
Anyway, I spoke to him tonight and for this month we're putting the exact in and then next month will put a bit extra in each month for emergencies. He was fine about it all and I feel so much better now I've expressed my worries to him. Thanks everyone x

So after all the PP giving advice, providing you with an outline of proportions, against the backdrop of you creating the thread to saying you're not happy that you're paying about the same (him extra £50) for the same property that he earns 4times your wage in your partnership & build up personal savings & you hardship. Your update is in light of this you've now had a talk & you've modified payments this month (the month that you naturally in your role always earn less) to now this month you both will pay exactly the same contribution. So he's £50 up & you're down again from when you started this thread.
And it's all hunky dory now.
I'm baffled.