To think detention for lateness is wrong

[BelleMarionette]

My child's secondary school gives a detention for even one lateness in the morning.

My child left an hour early, for what should have been a 30 minute journey door to door by bus.

Unfortunately, 2 buses drove past them without stopping. They got very upset and anxious about being late, so I had to come and drive them (not ideal environmentally, and will not always be possible either, due to work).

My child has autism, so gets extremely anxious about the threat of detention, as rules are very important to them.

Aibu to think that detention in this circumstance is wrong, as it's often out of the child's control?

My DDs school give detention for one lateness, not having correct uniform and a few other things. My DD has missed several days of school due to these rules, if she thinks she’s going to be late she is inconsolable so I just ring in sick for her. When we thought she’d lost her blazer, when her shoes fell apart on the way home. Now the school have realised they have an attendance problem.

This sounds like a very rigid rule. At my school it was x3 lates before a detention. I was in late detention all the time. I learned bad time keeping from my family. I didn’t know how to function otherwise. I managed to get on top of it in my 20s and am rarely late now.

I don’t necessarily think my late detentions were unfair. But I wouldn’t say they served much of a purpose. They didn’t stop me being late. That was only something I managed to learn several years later.

depends on why a kid is late. We got one warning if no good reason. If late after that detention. With travel these days kids can be late for all sorts of reasons.

One school I worked at stopped issuing detentions for lateness. Within three weeks, 45% of year 8-11 were late every single day and a small number took to coming in some time between 10 and 11am.

By the time mocks came around, there was no guarantee there would be more than a third of students in by the time the exams started and there were still some coming in 40 minutes late for actual GCSEs. Turned out that those weren't even leaving their homes until fifteen minutes before the start time of the exams when they needed to be put their front doors before 7.30am to even have the slightest chance of getting there within the JCQ regulations for late entrance.

Late penalties were reintroduced, back to single digit numbers persistently late and an occasional bus load coming in 5-10 minutes late.

Give an inch, the group as a whole take ten miles.

My dc would not be in that detention.

Exactly

Maybe school just wasn't their priority that morning, the school doesn't own them. If they're late they're late better late than never.

I am not a good time keeper and remember quite often going out the door with a smack from mum on my behind to help me on my way to catch the bus. I think if there hadn’t been a sanction for being late I would’ve been late just about every morning

My eldest got a 30 min lunch time detention last week on like day 4 of secondary because he got there at 8.35 instead of 8.30.

Normally I’d be supportive of this but the bus didn’t turn up so he ended up having to walk.

He ended up with 10 mins to eat lunch, I don’t think it’s very appropriate really. Felt very harsh.

You have to teach your kids to bear with these things because life isn’t always fair. One of life’s lessons. What my mum said when I got stood in the corner because somebody else was talking

Speak to HoY and Senco about it then.

If you had a lunchtime detention you had to learn a page of Shakespeare off by heart. I hate Shakespeare even to this day - I wasn’t a naughty schoolgirl, I was shy and an easy target for bullying. Unfortunately if the bully was RC (convent school so obviously the majority) it was always the non catholic who came off worse.
I can still see the prefect who was my tormentor, a first class bitch ☹️
My mother was no support, I had to suck it up.

Our school issue detentions for being late. A late equals a after school detention.

Detentions are not given if it’s the school buses that are late as they are informed.

We was late last term because of a accident on the road the school issued a detention as my child was 15 minutes late. I spoke to the school and told them it was out of his hands that he was late we had left in plenty of time and that he would not be doing the detention.

Sorry I don’t understand what you mean?

I would say depends on child and circumstances.

In your case it wasn't anything he could control so they are punishing him and increasing his anxiety and he can't change the situation to prevent that iyswim?

Mh ds is also autistic and went on transport (MS school)

If his taxi was late I'd ring them in advance to warm them (he's turn up needing time out!) and never once did her get a detention or late mark because he couldn't prevent the situation.

If a child lives 2 minutes walk away it's entirely different and a 30 minute detention may help sharpen their minds about getting to school on time

Why?

Detention is meant to be a deterrent for behaviour.

How can a child do anything to correct his behaviour when it's busses not stopping?

If you were travelling to work and got stuck in traffic due to a RTA would you expect to get a formal warning?

It depends on the reason for lateness. If the child is usually always on time, and the bus is delayed/breaks down then a detention is unfair because that is definitely out of their control.
If the bus doesn't stop, then it depends why, I think. If it's a case that the bus is full, then that should be something the bus co. can confirm and therefore again, no detention.
The issue of autism is relevant here as your child may not feel confident in flagging down the bus, and as this is a change to the routine, is likely to be unsettled by this.

If a child is consistently late because they leave home 15 minutes before school starts (when it's a 15 minute journey), or because they can't be bothered to come in, then it's a different issue altogether, and a detention is a relevant sanction.

I would email the school and discuss - I would go to someone senior but not as high as the head (ours has a deputy speciically responsible for these type of issues). Usually at our school the rules are all flexible enough to take into account these real life situations - have you actually asked a teacher if this detention would be issued?

I wouldn't accept my child being punished for something they were not responsible for, so I think you are right to pursue this.

If you were travelling to work and got stuck in traffic due to a RTA would you expect to get a formal warning?

Yes. In almost every job I've ever had - NHS, Insurance, call centres, reception, schools, it was completely unacceptable to be late for any reason - I got fired from one for being in an accident where I literally broke my neck (fractured the second cervical vertebrae) because the paramedic phoned in for me whilst my head was sellotaped to a stretcher when the rules said I had to phone personally.

@NeverDropYourMooncup I hope you sued that company for unfair dismissal.

Oh stop it op

ALL kids dread detention not just your kid. And don't pull out the asd card for this example. Kids get detention when they are late as it is disruptive. It makes sense. Weve all been there.

If two busses pass him and dont stop Because they were full :flag with the school. And teach him to flag down a bus op!

@LondonWolf when YOU bring your kid to school late. You are right. Its not her fault. But it is yours. So leave earlier. Her special needs have nothing to do with you leaving your house too late.

Hadn't been there long enough, so they could do whatever the hell they liked.

Like hell would my child be doing detention under these circumstances. I'd be informing the school that my child will not be punished for something that is beyond his/her control.

This attitude always strikes me as unhelpful both to kid and school. Yes we want to be on our kid’s side but not to go storming in. Have a word with the school about it and see if something can be worked out. You often find people are reasonable.

it is good when schools clamp down on things like lateness. Our school was pretty hot on it. I remember complaining to mum after getting the slipper for being late, “But I was only a few minutes late, mum!” She said, “Don’t you realise in the real world being a few minutes late for your job can get you fired?” Having said that it is an awkward situation where it is probably not the kids fault if they are late but if it is just a detention maybe best if they just suck it up.