Mumsnet Logo
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Just looked at someone's Instagram and now feel rubbish

74 replies

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:02

Someone I don't even know personally but who I went to school with, I think she was 2 years below me, so she'd be around 28 and I'm 31. I just landed on her page by chance.

She's beautiful, incredibly long, thick healthy hair. Mine's growing out from a pixie and is not quite a bob so basically looks awful atm. Also feel that my face is just quite plain sometimes.

She has a good group of friends who are the same friends she's had since high school as I recognise them. They seem to genuinely love each other and be supportive, as well as do lots together. I'm also in touch with a group of friends, but I'm lucky if I get a reply out of some of them, rarely see them and some of them like to tease me in a 'jokey' way/make little digs. I find it hard to make new friends especially as I do temp work, I meet nice people but you're never there long enough.

She seems to be in a stable career. I do temp work, I'm hoping to get something permanent soon with progression, have never really progressed in a role before. My working life is some sort of amusement for some of my friends sometimes, "I never quite know what you're doing." Type comments.

She's married, I have an amazing partner who I'm very lucky to have, I've been with him for 2.5 years but there's no guarantee he'll actually want to marry me. He's 27 so he's probably not going to even consider it for several years.

Very close family. I am also very close to mine but they'll soon be spending half the year abroad so I won't see them as much. I have one Grandma who lives far away, who has dementia sadly, my other grandparents are dead and we very rarely see aunts, cousins etc. So I often feel like I don't really have any family other than my parents.
I do have a brother that I get on with, but there's a very big age gap and he's interested in hanging out with people his age, plus he also lives far away. So growing up I was almost a third parent to him as I was a teenager when he was born.

This sounds so weird and stalkerish. It's nothing against her at all, his could be absolutely anyone and Instagram is just showing people's best sides, but it's just made me look at my own life and wonder how I could improve the above.

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:03

It's just made me want to fix the things in my life and feel better.

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Everley · 11/09/2022 22:05

The thing about social media is that it’s often a “highlight real”. Most people share the good stuff in their lives, not the boring/mundane/bad times.

Improve aspects of your life if you feel this will make you happy, but don’t do it because you feel inferior to someone.

Please
or
to access all these features

Everley · 11/09/2022 22:06

  • Highlight reel
Please
or
to access all these features

CollywobbleisCreepy · 11/09/2022 22:07

Just delete Insta if it makes you feel like shit and plays on your insecurities. It’s a fake heavily-edited snapshot of other people’s lives, there’s absolutely no obligation to be on it. I can’t deal with it for similar reasons.

Please
or
to access all these features

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:08

Yes you're right they only show the best sides. There are just so many posts of her with these friends, I have one photo with 2 friends from early May and that's honestly the most recent photo I've got with any friends.
I also think if I had a wedding they'd use it as an excuse to make little jibes and laugh at me but it'd just be "banter"

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:09

I will start using it less, but I think even without it I'm still feeling the same way sadly

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

MammaWeasel · 11/09/2022 22:09

Comparison is the thief of joy. Instagram is just heavily edited snapshots of the best parts of someone's life .

Please
or
to access all these features

FourChimneys · 11/09/2022 22:09

Do you believe what people put on Instagram?

Please
or
to access all these features

KeepYaHeadUp · 11/09/2022 22:10

You have no idea whether the life she's presenting on social media resembles her real life at all. You have no idea what her colleagues/friends think of her, who makes her feel inadequate and rubbish, excluded, etc.

I know it's a cliche but social media is highlights and often not accurate anyway. Try to focus on the positives (your partner, your future career, the family you do have) and by all means focus on things you want to change/progress but try to distinguish between what you really want and what you feel you need to do / be to be like the "her" she's presenting

Please
or
to access all these features

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:11

It's just very telling that she's got so many pictures with friends and I've got one this whole year.
Even if a lot of Instagram is fake, I think that some things are accurate

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

MissMaple82 · 11/09/2022 22:12

You could improve the above by coming off social media, you clearly cannot handle it!

Please
or
to access all these features

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 11/09/2022 22:12

Were you happy before you saw her "life"?

Please
or
to access all these features

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:13

I also worry that if I were to have a baby we'd have no outside support (which I'm sure a lot of people don't) as my partner's family live a couple of hours away too.
Obviously wouldn't be palming the baby off on someone but i know my 3 friends with children have a lot of family support as they've all got people living locally

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

CeeceeBloomingdale · 11/09/2022 22:13

MammaWeasel · 11/09/2022 22:09

Comparison is the thief of joy. Instagram is just heavily edited snapshots of the best parts of someone's life .

I was going to post almost exactly this including the quote. You need to stop comparing yourself to others. Work on your self worth and do things that make you happy, not things that look good on social media.

Please
or
to access all these features

cardibach · 11/09/2022 22:13

So have you only seen friends once this year? Because if not you could have more pictures surely? You don’t know what those occasions with friends are - they take a pic all smiling and it looks great. It could have been a rushed meeting nobody enjoyed, or bumping into them when they are off to somewhere fun but she isn’t…you have no idea.

Please
or
to access all these features

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:13

No i still felt the same before Instagram, I think this has just exacerbated it.

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Dacadactyl · 11/09/2022 22:13

Get off social media where people just boast and filter themselves. Best thing I ever did. I have no SM with people i actually know in real life and I'm very happy with every aspect of my life.

Please
or
to access all these features

Bubblebubblebah · 11/09/2022 22:14

Oh my god, not everyone lies on isntagram🙄

However, it is indeed just snapshots and people of course tend to share the positives. Like they did before when they were showing physical photos around the tables.

If you are unhappy with your life, do something about it, change things. If you think you are unhappy because you saw someone with different life, you need to look at yourself and change your mindset first from comapring. It's just different life, different doesn't necessarily mean better or worse

Please
or
to access all these features

Everley · 11/09/2022 22:14

OP the last photo I have on Instagram with friends is from 2018. I’ve seen friends many many times since then but just don’t have photographic evidence.

My Instagram doesn’t show any of the parts of my life that I dislike, mainly health related. From just glancing at my account you would never know I had multiple chronic illnesses. It’s not that I ignore those parts of my life, I just choose not to display it on social media.

I wonder if you used it less you might feel more content with your life? Or I think there are ways of hiding certain people’s posts and stories. You still follow them but you won’t see their content. Might be useful.

Please
or
to access all these features

lilaccottagegarden · 11/09/2022 22:15

I think I’ve experienced the sort of friendships you mean, @Letsdancedavidbowie and they really do wear you down and make you feel rubbish. I don’t want to advise you to do anything too dramatic, but I would have a careful think about what these friends add to your life. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back from people if they are upsetting you and making you feel bad.

I had a feeling when I opened this that people would talk about best bits and it’s true but it’s also true some people just do have lovely lives as well. But life can change very quickly, to be honest mine wasn’t great for quite a while but is now, and I am sure yours will be too.

Hair is easy to sort, career less so but perhaps that could be your focus for the last part of the year? And secretly stick a finger up to your ‘friends’ once you have an amazing job!

Please
or
to access all these features

PaulineBrady · 11/09/2022 22:15

This is instagram doing what it’s designed to do. Dump it. It’s not reality. It’s poison.

Please
or
to access all these features

Letsdancedavidbowie · 11/09/2022 22:15

I just don't know how to change some of those things or where to start. But I'll have to find ways

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Loics · 11/09/2022 22:15

Don't believe what you see on Instagram, people put what they want you to see.
A friend of my mother does similar on social media, most recently about her engagement and how happy she is - her partner regularly cheats on her and her mental and physical health has suffered immensely from the stress he puts on her. Almost everything she writes is a lie and the complete opposite of her actual life.

Please
or
to access all these features

Evasmissingletter · 11/09/2022 22:15

Comparison is the thief of joy. Delete and think of the great things in your life no matter how small.

Please
or
to access all these features

Autumnisclose · 11/09/2022 22:16

You're comparing your inner view of yourself with the outer view she wants everyone to see.

Who knows what really goes on.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?