To think DH's plan is mad (re dd party)

[partlamaam]

DD is turning 5id October. She's just starting reception now.

We were not planning on doing a birthday party this year (probably just a birthday tea and cake with family) as we were going to take her to see frozen/Disney on ice/wicked (whatever she chose) in the west end. We spoke about this with DD a few months ago and that was her choice, but in true 4 year old form had changed her mind this weekend and wants a party instead.

I'm looking at booking a set party place which holds up to 20 children. Once DD, her cousins and our close family friend children are invited, there will be about 6 spaces. DH and I were talking about what to do with those spaces, and I suggested that I will give it a week or two of school to see what friends DD makes and what names we are hearing, and then I will message the parents directly on the class WhatsApp with an invite.

Here is where DH and I disagree.

I think that is perfectly fine and enough.

DH thinks we should put a message in the main WhatsApp with all 30 sets of parents explaining that we are having a party for DD but there are only 6 spaces, that's why not all children are invited, almost an apology. I think this is totally overkill and brings odd attention to something that is not an issue anyway.

I think he feels uncomfortable as there have already been two 'whole class' party invites go out on the WhatsApp group. But as I told him, that doesn't mean that there aren't other smaller parties we don't know about too. He seems to think that we will be setting up DD to be public enemy number 1.

So: AIBU to think that inviting 6 school friends is ok and DD will not suffer after effects and we do not need to announce this to the other 24 parents?

What a bloody awful idea. Take all phones off him immediately.

YANBU

Your DHs plan is silly

He’s over reacting. Not every child will have a whole class party, many places charge per head and it’s not practical to invite everyone. No-one issues an apology, it’s expected that your child won’t get invited to every party there is.

YANBU, your DH is being daft. However if she’s just changed her mind after her first week of primary school, are you sure it’s not a class party that she’s wanting rather than a family one? They love the class party experience at that age.

Do not let him put that message on! Everyone will think you are weird.

Just invite the 6 she seems to like most or even ask the teacher maybe who she seems to be friends with (sometimes kids mention names a lot that it turns out they aren’t friends with at all but for some reason the name is one they bring up!)

Your DH is batshit! It would be so weird to talk about a party to everyone that most aren’t invited to.

It would read to me like “only 6 of you will be special enough to come.”

He's mad.

Why would he think he has to apologise for not inviting people to a five year olds party? Like she's the centre of everyone's universe rather than just yours.

Noooo! Do not do this, bad idea. There were lots of eye rolls when a school mum posted on the group about an exclusive party they had (nothing bad just if you’re invited to Xs party parents welcome to stay).

No do not do DHs plan. No one does that. Stick with your plan.

From my experience, reception age children have whole class parties. They haven't really been at school long enough to make 6 friends.

Wow! Way to make an impression!! He needs to be removed from the WhatsApp group immediately. Don't risk leaving him on it

But I wouldn't post the 'apology' on watsapp!

Omg - "Hi everyone. We're having a party but most of your children won't be invited"

Noooooooooooo!!!!

Oh he's just trying to do his best so nobody's upset. Yes it's a daft idea but he's not being an idiot or whatever else people are calling him.

Don't send the message though!

You are right, he is wrong. That would be such a weird thing to do, discreetly invite the six kids, no need to publicise anything.

Thanks for the reassurance I am not batshit! It's usually me that other thinks social situations so I'm not sure what's gotten into DH!

Re throwing a class party... given that DD has given me 4 weeks notice to organise this, I think some compromise will be needed on her part. 😂 Regardless, she wouldn't want to not have her cousins and oldest friends there I don't think, and lord knows I'm not throwing a party for 40 kids!

WTAF. No. Do not do that

This reminds me of a thread about why men mostly aren't included in class WhatsApp groups 😂

You just know this one's going to get picked up by the media

We've only had one whole class party in my DD's class (just started Y2) there were no parties at all in reception because of covid, and people have just kept it smaller since.... it's much better! Nobody minds at all if they're not invited.... as my daughters little friend said the other day, when they were discussing a party he was going to, but she isn't invited to.... 'ah well, that's life isn't it!'

Maybe if he had actually done it, it would....
But I don't think there is enough drama as it stands 😂

Either way, glad I changed my username!

Jesus, well that would be one way of alienating pretty much all of the parents. Is he usually such an idiot?

id look at minimising the other invites & maximising the school ones.

Take his phone away and hide it , he cannot send that message

Haha what a silly man. They can’t be trusted with the politics of the class WhatsApp group. I’d make sure only you are a member of the group in case he sticks his foot in it in future about this party or any other issue. Ha

At that age we would do party tea and games at home for cousins/family friends and then a class party at the venue.

Can you not take the 6 classmates parents off the group WhatsApp & message them directly? (If you can figure out whose who.)
Or if not then can't you get your dd to give the chosen friends a paper invite instead?
I definitely wouldn't do your husband idea, but I wouldn't do yours either. Some people are weird imo & might be offended your having an exclusive party.