To be so embarrassed about this?

[TheLostNights]

Doing some work in a new department at a different base to cover staff absences.
All my life, I have been told I look incredibly young for my age. All my family do. My parents both look 10 years younger and my aunt who is in her fifties gets mistaken for early 40's.
Anyway, in a packed office one of the women called out and said 'How old are you? We have all been wondering.' I said 37 and there was a stunned silence and they asked me to repeat it so I did. Then it was all 'You're pulling my leg there is no way.' And 'WHAT?!' Literally the whole office was going mad at this revelation and I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I hate all the attention looking like a kid does. They all thought 22 or 23. I am 37 years old and sick of being treated like a kid. I knew they thought a lot younger previously as they asked me if I lived alone (not with a partner or kids) and kept calling me pet names. They were going on about it so much and looking at me as though I was like some weird freak amd even afterwards I could hear mini conversations going on about my age. Part of me is dreading going back on Monday. This is not a boast, who wants to look like a kid barely out of their teens when they are pushing 40? Who wants to be treated like a young kid by their peers because they assume you are so much younger than them? There's nothing to be envied about there.

It can be annoying to be look younger than you are, I had comments about teenage pregnancy when I was in my late 20s (Why do people feel the need to comment to strangers?), I was on holiday in the US more than once and they took my passport ID to their manager to check it (I was mid 30s - This was in a hot, dry state and I think the sun aged people more there) ...and once the waitress sat down next to me to ask about skincare! (which was just awkward). Add the fact people can be annoyed by you looking young as well and constantly being judged as the younger wife (Not younger).

Looking young isn't the same as looking beautiful, it's not a humble brag. I don't have this problem now but people didn't listen to me as much because I was assumed as being young and to have little life experience.

I actually love looking my age (or close to it anyway), I'm in my 40s now and women are absolutely gorgeous as they get older. I've always read that women age worse than men, but I don't see it myself. Maybe because I think personality shows through in looks and I know a lot of great people! (I like to think people who got to know me saw my age more clearly through my life).

My husband still jokes I look 25. Which I like now that I know it's not true!

I get the people changing around you thing too.
In my old job I was 30 and I used to get mothered and fussed over by a group of ladies who were only a few years older than me. Turns out that they thought I was in my first job and was only 18. I was mortified yet again but also upset as their whole attitude changed towards me. They instead started acting awkward and it hurt because it showed they only liked me because of who they thought I was (A kid) rather than the person I am. I never really know if people will like me for me or because they see me as a sweet young girl.

I get it. A conversation starts and then you realise that they think you are much younger than you are. Do you keep quiet or say something. If you do say something then you're met with distrust. But why would anyone lie about being older. I should be flattered but am left feeling like I've tricked them on purpose.

My sympathies op.
Sounds like a real traumatic experience.

Enjoy it while you can. I looked very young for years (30 something me looks 20 something in most photos) but now in my mid 40’s age and gravity has finally caught up with me. Even young looking people have necks that age at around the same rate as everyone else 😭

@TheLostNights

I can so relate to you starting a job and getting fussed over because it was assumed you were much younger, and then it becoming awkward. I have had the same thing happen and I felt daft, like I should have told them or something, but at the same time they didn't ask? It was different after they realised my age, I think it was a mixture of embarrassment and also just not sure how to act around you, because your looks and your age betray different things - like it's a type of incongruency or something. It doesn't help that when I'm nervous I looked even younger. (So I've been told anyway). That scared rabbit in the headlights look a bit (for me anyway).

Totally get it @NotSure87 you almost feel like you are deceiving people which is crazy but I have felt like that often and it's always sad when they change and go awkward once they learn my age and realise that they were way, way off.

😂

Your colleagues sound really rude! I think it's completely unacceptable for them to act like that - but probably the only way round it is to ride it out and ignore as much as possible. Try not to be down about it although I can see it brings unwanted attention on you.

It wasn’t occasional. I was IDd all the time up until a couple of years ago and I’m nearly 40 now. I usually just carried ID around (I also smoked so I needed it to buy those more often than alcohol). If I didn’t, I walked away empty handed more often than not. Once I got to my mid 30s, I got fed up with it and started to assert myself. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not.
The point Is they are actually in the wrong to refuse you as is anyone that treats you badly because they assume you’re young and sometimes standing up for yourself firmly works.
Lots of people look young in their early 30s. It is extremely rare for anyone over 35 to get asked for ID on a regular basis so it will probably get better.
I can say I enjoyed it now because it’s not so much of an issue. It was irritating at the time but in the general scheme, there’s much worse things that can happen to you.

Im 35 and waiters bring me crayons

Fgs OP. You really need to toughen up if you're that bothered. Your answer to theirs or anyone else's question about your age should be 'I'm 75, 10 years older than you' and refuse to tell them your actual age.

I get this all the time. Had someone at my hobby call over a bunch of people and asked them to guess my age. 20 years out! Yes, it is humiliating but you just have to nod and smile.

There's definitely a difference between looking younger in a 'glamorous' way and looking younger in a 'looking like a teen who doesn't know what they're doing' kind of way.
I always looked young for my age, smart clothes made me look like I was playing dress up, and I struggled to get taken seriously at work. I longed for the day I would look like a proper grown up; somehow I switched from looking immature to just looking a bit old! I never got the in-between stage and I felt rather cheated!

I like that I no longer have people doubt my ability to do my job though. I work with the public and often had people talk down to me because they assumed I was relatively new and they wanted someone more senior/experienced. It felt like I had to work twice as hard to prove I was competent.

I think there's a difference between youthful looks that eventually succumb to age in around 40's like a lot of people on this thread, and actual baby face bone structure which keeps people looking more child like throughout life.

The second isn't what people are queueing up for. It must be utterly frustrating to not be treated appropriately.

Honestly OP I think you might be slightly deluded. No one is going to automatically like a work colleague because they think they are a 'sweet young girl'. No one is going to start disliking someone because they find out they are older. I've never 'mothered' anyone lots younger than me at work and I don't know anyone who does. No one cares.

I understand totally. You do feel a freak and as though you don't belong anywhere. I was also nearly dragged into the primary school by a teacher, despite being a secondary pupil, asked if I wanted a child's fare on the bus to work, and under rated at work despite being well qualified. Now I am older I feel I can't just relax into my 40s and just have days of being invisible. I think people not in our position just don't get it Sounds brilliant but it isn't.

Oh and getting mistaken for my daughters sister and husband asked if he want to pay for 1 adult and 2 children 🤣

I have a question for all the women who genuinely (in their words) looked like teenage school girls when they had babies/got with partners etc. Do you worry that the men you slept with were attracted to teenage girls?

No, because we were both teenagers when we met and I was older than him.

It only really became much more of a problem once he started looking like an adult and I carried on looking far too young. He got a lot of dirty looks in hotels and restaurants, which was awkward for both of us.

I didn't worry about my partner - he also looked young for his age and we were friends for a while so I felt I knew his character

I did get a lot of creepy attention when I went clubbing though, from older men (eg in my early twenties by men who were probably late 30s early 40s) who thought I was under age. They were explicit about it as well. Luckily I had a protective group of friends!

To the poster who asked how I know what people think my age is... It comes up eventually in conversation normally eg at work or in groups I go to. For instance they might ask if I have kids and when I say that are in their 30s they look a bit confused or countless other conversations that drop info meaning I must be a lot older than they think. It's my 60th in a couple of months and when I said I had a big birthday even, people assumed my 50th. It honestly does happen frequently.

I was asked if I was breastfeeding and roundly scolded for saying no by the Asda cashier serving me a few years ago, because it's natural and best, especially for twins...

She went rather red and got flustered when I pointed out that being breastfed by their 49 year old grandmother probably wasn't natural in the slightest 🤣

My husband was taken to one side by an acquaintance and asked if he thought I should be smoking after he announced on Facebook we were adding to our family. I was 51, he was 54, I was a size 8 and slim, we're grandparents and the additions were kittens 🤣🤣🤣

I was at a work conference once (around 37 if memory serves) and someone there assumed that I was there as a part timer working for the events people and told me that I too 'should think about going to university when I leave school so that I can hob nob it with all these wealthy skilled people.' I told them that actually I'd spent 6 years at university already and that I was a lawyer. Oh how we laughed!
I was also ID's in supermarkets a lot in my late 30s. Not now.

I'm nearly fifty. It does change. My suggestion is to enjoy it while it lasts.
And you sound utterly disingenuous.

Why would I be disingenuous when you and many others on this thread have had the same experiences? Makes no sense.

I'm not saying posters on this thread are lying, but I'm a nurse a