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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by husbands underwhelming reaction

45 replies

Brum145 · 09/09/2022 19:34

My dad has recently told me that he would like to give my husband and me £50k as he is selling his rental property he owns to enjoy some cash himself. I am completely blown away by this. It’s a life changing amount of money for us.
when I told my husband his reaction was ‘that’s nice isn’t it’. I said did you hear me right, 50 grand!!! And he laughed and said yeah I heard!
what the fuck is going on here? AIBU to find him really fucking ungrateful and just feel like this is a really odd reaction! I cried when he told me, he’s acting like he’s lent us a tenner!
why would he be like this? Feeling emasculated maybe? He’s not usually like that but I just don’t understand at all.

OP posts:
Imissmoominmama · 09/09/2022 19:35

He feels it’s yours. It’s quite a respectful response, I think.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/09/2022 19:36

Sounds fine to me.

TheNewSchmoo · 09/09/2022 19:37

What did you want him to do? Skip down the garden, naked, shouting "we're rich"?

44PumpLane · 09/09/2022 19:38

Imissmoominmama

He feels it’s yours. It’s quite a respectful response, I think.

This is immediately what I thought too.

HangOnToYourself · 09/09/2022 19:38

Probably doesnt want to come across as grabby and entitled to your money. What do you want him to do? Throw himself.on the floor wailing?

lobsterkiller · 09/09/2022 19:39

Yeah, he thinks it's your money.

You'd probably get the hump if he dug the Grattans out and started bending pages over. 😂

It is a life changing sum and an amazing gift.

user1471457751 · 09/09/2022 19:42

Are you usually quite a dramatic person? I was given an early inheritance of the same amount which allowed me to buy a home instead of renting for the next 10 years. I didn't cry or go over the top about it. That didn't mean I wasn't incredibly grateful for the gift.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 09/09/2022 19:42

My husband had similar.
I didn't 'whoop, whoop.'
It was his money.
Obviously I felt some financial relief and was very pleased for my husband but I certainly couldn't rejoice in it.

Chikapu · 09/09/2022 19:43

I'd probably react the same, I don't do over-the-top outbursts over money. Maybe he's not counting his chickens?

girlmom21 · 09/09/2022 19:43

I agree he's being respectful of your very generous gift.

Original poster
Brum145 · 09/09/2022 19:44

Fair enough! I’m actually relieved this is a normal reaction. I don’t know what I expected, maybe somewhere in between ‘that’s nice’ and skipping naked down the garden 😂

OP posts:
KiraKiraHikaru · 09/09/2022 19:47

TheNewSchmoo · 09/09/2022 19:37

What did you want him to do? Skip down the garden, naked, shouting "we're rich"?

Well, that’s the reaction I would have had 🤣

Alopeciabop · 09/09/2022 19:51

Yeah I’d have been like wahooo but my OH is far more respectful and would be much the same as yours. Thinking it’s my money not his.

ReeseWitherfork · 09/09/2022 19:53

Lots of people would struggle with being given such a large sum of money. He may be finding a way to accept it and not saying much because he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful. Give him time, and openly ask him if there’s a problem should he not come round or say much more in a few days.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 09/09/2022 20:01

Yeah my DP would have reacted the same. I wonder if some people expect there to be strings attached... and if they act overly grateful, then it makes it harder to say no if there are any difficult favours asked of them down the line? Whereas if they act like it's not that big of a deal, they may not feel so liable... If that makes sense.

YoniWheretheSunDontShine · 09/09/2022 20:20

Op my DH underplays as well where I would be jumping around.

Maybe he's also shocked!

IchbineinBerlinerin · 09/09/2022 20:20

TheNewSchmoo · 09/09/2022 19:37

What did you want him to do? Skip down the garden, naked, shouting "we're rich"?

😂😂

BigBearLittleBear · 09/09/2022 20:22

He doesn’t want to celebrate like it’s him being given the money; it’s your money. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable reaction.

drpet49 · 09/09/2022 20:23

HangOnToYourself · 09/09/2022 19:38

Probably doesnt want to come across as grabby and entitled to your money. What do you want him to do? Throw himself.on the floor wailing?

This

darmaka · 09/09/2022 20:30

I think mine would have been happier because any money we get is really OURs not just mine. Different folks, different strokes.
We'd certainly both be please and making plans to invest it.

KylieCharlene · 09/09/2022 20:32

He will feel it's essentially your money. You will be the one who has the final say on any purchases.
Does he have a good relationship with your Dad? If they're at best polite but distance then he'll feel less able to be a part of this good fortune than if they were chummy.

arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 20:33

My husband would have been thrilled and me vice versa. It would be "our" money and we both rejoice in it.

darmaka · 09/09/2022 20:36

Just thought - do you think he's worried your Dad might hold it against both of you for ever . . .
I've had relatives do this with money. . . . i.e. "we paid for your ...."

MrsU2022 · 09/09/2022 20:36

arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 20:33

My husband would have been thrilled and me vice versa. It would be "our" money and we both rejoice in it.

Us too! Absolutely! Don't think OP is being unreasonable at all. I'd expect a more thrilled response!

washingbasketqueen · 09/09/2022 20:39

I'd think he thought it was yours. What do you plan to do with it? If you said I want to do an extension, but us a car, top up our pensions then he might be more excited.

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