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AIBU?

To be annoyed by husbands underwhelming reaction

45 replies

Brum145 · 09/09/2022 19:34

My dad has recently told me that he would like to give my husband and me £50k as he is selling his rental property he owns to enjoy some cash himself. I am completely blown away by this. It’s a life changing amount of money for us.
when I told my husband his reaction was ‘that’s nice isn’t it’. I said did you hear me right, 50 grand!!! And he laughed and said yeah I heard!
what the fuck is going on here? AIBU to find him really fucking ungrateful and just feel like this is a really odd reaction! I cried when he told me, he’s acting like he’s lent us a tenner!
why would he be like this? Feeling emasculated maybe? He’s not usually like that but I just don’t understand at all.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

277 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
62%
You are NOT being unreasonable
38%
Dalaidramailama · 09/09/2022 20:39

Sounds normal. 50k is great but not life changing for a lot of people.

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DisforDarkChocolate · 09/09/2022 20:41

I'd be more excited when the cask hits the bank account. Up until then it's not real.

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nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 20:42

Imissmoominmama · 09/09/2022 19:35

He feels it’s yours. It’s quite a respectful response, I think.

Yes. A very respectful response

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Unicorn2022 · 09/09/2022 20:43

Maybe he is postponing the celebrations until you actually have the money in your hand, just in case the house doesn't sell or your dad changes his mind or something. I've been promised money before and not actually received it.

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Hillrunning · 09/09/2022 20:44

I think it would be pretty crass for him to celebrate way you did. It's not his father.

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wellhelloitsme · 09/09/2022 20:49

Dalaidramailama · 09/09/2022 20:39

Sounds normal. 50k is great but not life changing for a lot of people.

OP literally says: It’s a life changing amount of money for us.

I agree with others that he probably didn't want to seem grabby and / or genuinely sees it as yours to do what you wish with so didn't want to pressure you.

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Testina · 09/09/2022 20:59

I’d be saying, “dad, I love you, and I’m grateful - but what fuck is this giving it to “us” crap? I’m your daughter. My account, ta muchly” 😉

Agree with everyone else - what was he supposed to say?

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Ki44 · 09/09/2022 21:45

I would have an immediate negative reaction internally because I would absolutely hate to feel indebted to my in-laws. I would be distancing myself from that money in terms of my reaction. So I'd probably do the same 'that's nice for you'.

I just hate feeling like I owe someone money (I don't mean banks and whatnot) but family. It feels like a pressure to me.

I might come round to it eventually but my initial in the moment reaction would be me feeling like I want to push back against it, worrying someone was trying to control me with money type of thing but outwardly trying to be polite/happy for my DH. So basically mixed signs.

It could be that.

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fallfallfall · 09/09/2022 21:48

@Brum145 , my mom is still alive. Sold her home, moved into a +55 apartment complex and gifted my brother and I the proceeds (Canadian $190K each) I cried, cried like a baby, the generosity was overwhelming. I went to the bank and spoke to my investment group, I cried all the way through. Yup dh didn’t bat an eye. Hugged me a few times, said all the right things. I didn’t burden my friends as my dilemma was involving money. The fact my mom was still alive while doing this was touching.

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stayathomer · 09/09/2022 21:50

I didn’t think of what everyone else thought but it’s a nice reaction if that’s what it is. And I’d have been the same as you, OP! Congratulations!

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Tangled123 · 09/09/2022 21:52

I would be grateful he isn’t already spending it for you. He’s probably happy but didn’t want to assume he’s getting to benefit as he sees it at yours.

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Winceybincey · 09/09/2022 21:54

Could it be a pride thing? Some folks are a bit funny when it comes to being given money.

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weevil5 · 09/09/2022 21:56

Sounds like he's feeling jealous / inadequate.

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Echobelly · 09/09/2022 22:03

Yeah, if my DH came into some money from his side I wouldn't want to sound too excited as I wouldn't want to seem like I wanted to spend 'his' money.

I was left a very large sum from grandfather's estate that can pay off our mortgage (which is life changing for us) and I can't recall DH having any particular reaction when I told him - again because I assume he'd not want to make any claim for what to do with it.

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allinatizzy · 09/09/2022 22:07

I'd probably have thrown in a "wow, that's generous" or similar, but from his perspective, perhaps this has the potential to be awkward. He may want to respect that it's your money from your father, or he may find it uncomfortable to be so indebted to someone. Unless he's odd about it in the future, I'd let this go and celebrate privately.

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MatLeave · 09/09/2022 22:08

So very kind of your Dad, but it's really for you. Your husband isn't being grabby and probably feels like it's your money.

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Rewis · 09/09/2022 22:33

Imissmoominmama · 09/09/2022 19:35

He feels it’s yours. It’s quite a respectful response, I think.

This.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 09/09/2022 22:34

I think he thinks it’s yours.

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NeckFanInSoftPlay · 09/09/2022 22:35

lobsterkiller · 09/09/2022 19:39

Yeah, he thinks it's your money.

You'd probably get the hump if he dug the Grattans out and started bending pages over. 😂

It is a life changing sum and an amazing gift.

What tf is a hump?!?!

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Lunar270 · 09/09/2022 22:41

Brum145 · 09/09/2022 19:44

Fair enough! I’m actually relieved this is a normal reaction. I don’t know what I expected, maybe somewhere in between ‘that’s nice’ and skipping naked down the garden 😂

Thing is, we all have different ideas about inheritance.

A while ago someone posted about inheritance and it got very mixed responses. Some think it's a joint thing and should go in the family pot, others think it belongs to the person who inherited the money.

I think the latter and wouldn't presume that I had any claim to it. But would be very grateful if any came my way.

Although if it were my wife, I'd be more happy for her. TBH your husband sounded a bit flat.

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