To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

The OP said she's in her 20s and her DH is around ten years older.

I’m a SAHM. I have no income and low savings. Myself and DH applied for a joint mortgage in 2021 using money from DH’s account. Both the mortgage and the house deeds are in joint names.

Get legal advice and don’t tell your DH you are doing so. Sounds to me like he screwed you over on purpose 🤨

I think this is a lesson to learn - never ever rush into big life decisions.

You're in your 20s, so your dad is unlikely to be very elderly(?). Why the worry about him being on his own? Why the rush for him to sell his own house?

With hindsight, you should have left your dad where he was for the time being and found another rental rather than being propelled into an unnecessary elopement to Gibraltar (which was bizarre when registry offices are an option) and rushed house purchase.

What's done is done though, and can't be changed.

You can protect the 100k as your deposit so if you split you get that and the remainder is split. I can't understand why you wouldn't be on the deeds tho.

If you are actually serious about building a career/independence then get on with it, don't have more children just yet and tell your DH he has to sort out childcare for his kids.

Re-read the above. You are in a precarious situation. And frankly if you both already have kids, that's enough for a burning planet. You need to see a solicitor, protect yourself and your children and focus on your earning potential.

Am wondering as others are, if you are in your 20s, why your father is being characterized as so vulnerable and elderly. And why you needed to go abroad to be married.

Good luck to you.

Think about it this way.
Your married it is a family home, so you would each get half, or you a bit more as you have the children.
Also his wages are being added to your family wealth and income so say after 4 years he would have paid in more than the 100k your Dad advanced you on your inheritance,

Gosh.

this is scary

I've literally just brought a house, and there is no reason why you couldn’t be on the mortgage, or the deeds

hes scammed you good and proper sadly. Get yourself on the deeds asap.

I agree.

Write down a time line of everything that happened. Get together all the legal documents that you have.

Take them all to your own solicitor, get their advice and act on it. I mean a solicitor who wasn’t involved in any of this and doesn’t represent anyone in your family.

Attend the appointment alone . Don’t tell anyone that you are going. Don’t telll anyone in your family what they said. Pay the bill yourself.

how did your dh declare where the 100k was from-at that point it could have ben ringfenced unless he lied which is fraud

Accept you? The deeds are who owns it legally, nothing to do with the bank or anyone else.

The bank owns it and when approving a mortgage they can absolutely decide who they want on the deeds. There are ways around it which is why independent legal advice is important.

For reasons I won't go into a wedding in England even at a registry would have been weeks. you have to have an appointment with the registrar and they were fully booked for ages. It was something like that.

I will make the appointment with the solicitor, attend and pay yes without telling DH. I can quite easily do that.

The thing is, again not being defensive, but I am being dragged over the coals for being naive, well! read all these posts, there are many conflicting response in which one person says one thing and another person then directly contradicts it, so it seems like I'm not the only person in the world who doesn't know the ins and outs of these things!

I have my own DC yes

I wanted to do the deed of trust. My DF and I did get independent advice at the time, an appointment I made! It got changed though as after we found out there were no mortgage offers except for just DH. I was very angry that my DH would not insist the broker looked for another one, he had had a very good mortgage offer and wanted to take it. I was not happy at all but again, my DF said that marrying before purchase and going on the deeds after would be fine.

@greenhousegal

No I'm not constrained by religion or culture. However I will not deny that my husband throughout our relationship and now marriage has always controlled finances not in that I can't spend money but that he deals with it and eg. I have no idea what's in his accounts right now. We have joint cc and an account but otherwise I don't know his income.

The registry office is only 10 minutes here after you've waited weeks sorting out the license and things. Gibraltar you could get married on Monday/tuesday if you wanted to.

Yes I do academic studies in a humanities subject and I'm on track to receive a first believe it or not! But I had never bought a house before and the process and problems it throws up were new to me.

What do you mean, it got changed? Who changed it and why? The way you are relating events seems to make things deliberately vague. There was no reason to change the appointment.

I think that for the sake of your own kids and safeguarding their financial security and general stability, you need to be much less passive about decisions that have such a big impact on them.

The fact you're married but have no idea about your DH's finances is really worrying.

How would you feel about insisting to your DH that your name now be added to the title deeds?

One of the things a registrar does is check the marriage is not fraudulent, that both parties have the capacity to consent, and that no-one is being coerced. So hearing that there were reasons to circumvent this, alongside everything else you've said, is extremely worrying to read.

@endofthelinefinally I mean the situation changed. I made an appointment and asked for advice basically, how can we structure this mortgage/how can we protect the 100k. They went over the deed of trust and things although said there was still an element of risk.

After this appointment there was a lot of struggle to find a mortgage offer. first we found out I couldn't be on it as I have a couple of defaults on the brink of 6 years but still there, and my credit rating. Then it was posed as how about me and your DF. I was not very happy but I said it had to have my dad on there. then again after lots of complaints from the broker about it being so hard because of his age it was posed as 'let me try with just you (DH)', At the time I said no way and was told it was just a test. well they had a very good mortgage offer and as I said this is when the arguments came because I was very strongly against this.

I wanted to do the deed of trust etc etc, the deeds, but was told that the rates had gone up and we would have to reapply for a much higher rate, and that no lender would like it if mine or my DFs name were anywhere on the paperwork. So then it was said that the 100k would have to be a gift, and then the marriage idea, which my DF said is all the protection I'd need.

Again I did stand up for myself I was very very strong in saying that I must be on the deeds, I was told 6 months I can go on. If it was just my DH It would have been a different story but my DF also wanted to proceed and I was told it was fine

OP, do you accept that you can not take advice from your father on this? He was so, so wrong about all of it. Being married has not protected you at all. He gifted the £100k to your husband. That means he gave him £100k to do whatever he wanted with it. Your husband chose to buy a house with it, but equally he could have bought a car, or a field of dirt, and your father wouldn't have had any say in it. Neither you nor your father own any part of the house you are living in. Do not listen to your father. Your husband has been very cunning. I'm guessing he knew getting married wouldn't make any difference to him owning the house. It just made your father think his money was safe.

Christ. Get your name on the deeds. Get your 100k ring fenced . Please make a will -> this is non negotiable, what if you died tomorrow?! . And I would even get a charge put on the property whilst you get this sorted. You should be getting your skates on as fast as possible and dead hope your dh does not resist .

@Trespatch I am going to get legal advice and then yes I will insist. If he tries to brush me off or gets defensive I will make sure to raise it with my DF in the room so that he can't get out of it

So what if you had to wait weeks for a registry office wedding?

You haven't been with the guy all that long and if it was a case of losing the house then another one would have come along.

I can't get my head around any of this. How a supposed grown woman with children could be this stupid?

More red flags than a communist party parade.

It is astounding bad advise you've received . Please pay some decent money to a lawyer to get this sorted. A professional who has studied the law and knows what they are talking about.