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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About no-bookings restaurant tonight?

90 replies

mrswhippy99 · 09/09/2022 13:44

A few couples (me and DP included) have agreed to meet for dinner tonight. Originally we weren't invited, it was two couples who agreed to meet, and then we got invited too, I can't quite remember how. Not a big deal (I don't think). Anyway, turns out everyone has organised to meet at a place that doesn't take bookings. I'm 6 months pregnant, and just can't stand for long in a queue (so as not to drip feed, I've got PGP that seems to come and go but is worse if I sit down for a long time, or stand up for a long time).

I've said I can't do a long queue, but totally understand if everyone still wants to go there and queue for as long as it takes, rather than see what the queue is like, and head to a pub or something if the queue is longer than 15/20 mins. It's gone down like a lead balloon, but I don't think I've been unreasonable? I was very clear that I knew they'd made plans to go there before they invited me, and so I understood if they wanted to stick to the original plan, and I'd just meet them another time.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 09/09/2022 17:39

Yeah I think your options were either to go, and if the queue was longer than 15 mins or so explain to them that you were struggling to stand, and go and sit down on a bench/in a cafe/pub/back in the car until they got to the front. I think you'd have to accept your DP should stay in the queue though. Or just decline the invite without suggesting an amendment and making them feel guilty - say "sorry I'm really struggling to stand for more than 15 mins now, bloody PGP, so not able to queue for an indeterminate amount of time, have a great evening, I'll see you next time."

Basically you've put them in an awkward position because even though you've said it's fine if they want to stick with their original plans (which they clearly do otherwise they wouldn't have decided to go there in the first place), you've put the onus on them to tell you 'Yeah we'd rather go to that place without you than a random pub with you, sorry.' Which feels mean to say, even if it is accurate!

FirewomanSam · 09/09/2022 17:51

I think you'd have to accept your DP should stay in the queue though

Friendships on Mumsnet are so weird. In the real world, if someone says to their queuing friends ‘I’m in pain and need to sit down’ I just can’t imagine anyone saying ‘hmm OK but your husband needs to stay here’.

Midlifemusings · 09/09/2022 17:52

While your intentions may have been to be informative, the way you presented it was manipulative. You would have been better to just state what you could do versus expecting them to discuss changing plans.

You could have just told them that you can't queue so let you know when they have a seat and you will join them then. Then wait in the car (if the queue isn't that long) or on a seat somewhere if it is a longer wait and then join them. Not sure why your DH would need to wait with you - he can hold you space in line with the others.

Midlifemusings · 09/09/2022 17:54

FirewomanSam · 09/09/2022 17:51

I think you'd have to accept your DP should stay in the queue though

Friendships on Mumsnet are so weird. In the real world, if someone says to their queuing friends ‘I’m in pain and need to sit down’ I just can’t imagine anyone saying ‘hmm OK but your husband needs to stay here’.

He should stay to hold their spots. He doesn't need to sit down just because she needs to sit down! Nothing wrong with him and his ability to queue and I assume she can sit on her own without assistance given she will need to do so once in the restaurant.

FatEaredFuck · 09/09/2022 17:57

Twawmyarse · 09/09/2022 15:45

or for me and DP to wait elsewhere - a pub for example

Just seen you've said this - why not wait somewhere on your own and let your dp queue with them. Are you generally quite hard work?

You're pregnant, not disabled. And for what it's worth I once queued whilst ready to pop for an hour for a concert as I didn't want to miss out.

Im seeing many threads lately about pregnant women not wanting to do this or that - always perfectly normal things IMO - it's not like you're being asked to go bungee jumping! Is this the result of the snowflake generation now getting pregnant!?

With this attitude I can't believe you were ever pregnant.

Havent you got better things to do on a Friday evening than hang around and berate mums?

OneFrenchEgg · 09/09/2022 17:58

Dishoom only take bookings up to 5.45, and then allow a certain number of bookings for more than 6 people after that time. And that’s a policy which they’ve relaxed over time, presumably because people didn’t fancy starting their evenings in a rain-soaked queue.

Well that's a benefit of opening the thread. Used to go quite a bit then got sick of standing in a queue for hours drinking weird tea.

AlmostDone7 · 09/09/2022 18:05

FirewomanSam · 09/09/2022 17:51

I think you'd have to accept your DP should stay in the queue though

Friendships on Mumsnet are so weird. In the real world, if someone says to their queuing friends ‘I’m in pain and need to sit down’ I just can’t imagine anyone saying ‘hmm OK but your husband needs to stay here’.

My thoughts exactly. My friends wouldn't let me sit waiting by myself and make my DH hold my space.... That just wouldn't happen?

Although I might sit with a friend instead just to chat.... Who knows. The people I know tend to be pretty easy-going.

Newnameoldme2022 · 09/09/2022 18:20

@AlmostDone7 its different though - if your friends say no of course, you both go or if the OP says you guys queue, we’ll meet you later. And often restaurants require all of the party to be there and it’s only the OP that ‘can’t’ queue.

Anyway, she didn’t suggest it - she actually suggested they all change their plans or awkwardly go ahead without her and she goes home.

Assume she isn’t coming back as I don’t think she was excepting to be told YABU.

TwoMonthsOff · 09/09/2022 18:24

are you travelling by car and is the car park adjacent, can’t you wait in the car if that’s the case. I’m sure nobody would expect young to stand that long either, they would get you a seat. Hope you have a good dinner

latetothefisting · 09/09/2022 18:33

FirewomanSam · 09/09/2022 17:51

I think you'd have to accept your DP should stay in the queue though

Friendships on Mumsnet are so weird. In the real world, if someone says to their queuing friends ‘I’m in pain and need to sit down’ I just can’t imagine anyone saying ‘hmm OK but your husband needs to stay here’.

I can't imagine being a grown woman and not being able to go across the road and sit in the car or on a bench by myself for a few minutes without my DP accompanying me but there we are....

Obviously if the friends said 'Oh one of us will come and sit with you/take it in turns/DP go with you' that's fine. But I was more aiming it towards the people suggesting the friends do all the queuing and then ring OP and her DP like they are the royals or something! In my opinion if OP said 'Oh that queue looks really big, me and DP will go to the pub, ring us when you're at the front' it would have sounded really rude.

Thatboymum · 09/09/2022 18:36

I agree with other posters your entire attitude has come across as manipulative and entitled. Surely you would just kindly decline or go and ask for a chair to wait on? Nobody should change there plans for you just because you are pregnant and have issues, you aren’t the first pregnant person with mobiiity issues and you won’t be the last , the world doesn’t revolve around you. Also if you can’t stand or sit long what were you going to do mid meal? You deffo should have declined if you aren’t fit enough to do it not guilted others

BabyDreamers · 09/09/2022 18:53

Op just don't go. You are ruining the mood.

pictish · 09/09/2022 19:02

Can’t stand it when one person wants to change established plans to suit themselves.

Your suggestion that you all see what the queue is like and if it’s too bad you’ll go home is not a real suggestion. They’re hardly going to say “oh dear, it is rather long…bye then!” are they?

Just say no thanks on this occasion.

MrsFezziwig · 09/09/2022 22:38

Well, by now OP is either at the coffee stage in Dishoom or relaxing at home in her PJs….

qpmz · 09/09/2022 22:40

If you all got there and 20 mins had passed, can you imagine leaving the queue and traipsing round trying to find somewhere else?

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