About no-bookings restaurant tonight?

[mrswhippy99]

A few couples (me and DP included) have agreed to meet for dinner tonight. Originally we weren't invited, it was two couples who agreed to meet, and then we got invited too, I can't quite remember how. Not a big deal (I don't think). Anyway, turns out everyone has organised to meet at a place that doesn't take bookings. I'm 6 months pregnant, and just can't stand for long in a queue (so as not to drip feed, I've got PGP that seems to come and go but is worse if I sit down for a long time, or stand up for a long time).

I've said I can't do a long queue, but totally understand if everyone still wants to go there and queue for as long as it takes, rather than see what the queue is like, and head to a pub or something if the queue is longer than 15/20 mins. It's gone down like a lead balloon, but I don't think I've been unreasonable? I was very clear that I knew they'd made plans to go there before they invited me, and so I understood if they wanted to stick to the original plan, and I'd just meet them another time.

Dishoom only take bookings up to 5.45, and then allow a certain number of bookings for more than 6 people after that time. And that’s a policy which they’ve relaxed over time, presumably because people didn’t fancy starting their evenings in a rain-soaked queue.

Most no-reservations places won’t seat the party until everyone in the party is present.

Even if you didn’t “mean to”, it comes off like you have tried to derail their evening when you’re last on the list. Have any of this crowd been preg/had kids? If you’re the first of a group of young couples; they simply won’t understand.

Youre 6 months pregnant- not being able to go out with your friends is what the next several years of your life is going to be like, better suck it up and get used to it now! Particularly if you’re going to be precious about where they go.

I said that I can't queue for more than around 20 mins. So, if we get there and the the queue is really long then we could go elsewhere, or they are welcome to go to the original restaurant and I'll catch up with them another time - I acknowledged that they'd originally planned to go there without me and totally understood if they really wanted to eat there. I haven't tried to make anyone feel guilty - but equally this is the situation and if they DO feel guilty then I can't help feeling that's their problem, not mine?!

I'd be happy for us to join them a bit later once they've had a chance to check out the queue, or for me and DP to wait elsewhere - a pub for example - while they queue, but suggesting that feels seems more entitled than just explaining the situation to everyone and letting them make a decision?

And I'm the first to be pregnant/have a kid. I know one of the couples have been quite vocal about not wanting to have kids and finding them quite irritating, but I'm not sure that changes my situation really.

suggesting going elsewhere if the queue is too long but adding that if they won’t do that you’ll just not go is manipulative. now they’ll feel they have to do what you want. you should have just declined

I’m 6 months and can queue but won’t because I get hangry! Tbh I think you’ve over complicated it. I would have just said no thanks I’m not up to queuing but I’ll meet you afterwards.

But you can't sit for a long time either? So won't really enjoy dinner if imagine? Just don't go.

@mrswhippy99 so now they are faced with a super awkward decision where if the queue is let’s say, 30 mins then they wait and you just go home?

You might not have meant to but you’ve made it much more awkward and entitled.

I doubt they feel guilty, probably just annoyed / regretful they invited you tbh.

the queue is really long then we could go elsewhere, or they are welcome to go to the original restaurant and I'll catch up with them another time
This is pretty manipulative as they’re hardly going to wave you off at that point! Either go and say you’ll wait elsewhere whilst they queue which isn’t entitled at all or graciously sit this one out.

or for me and DP to wait elsewhere - a pub for example - while they queue, but suggesting that feels seems more entitled

Yes that would be entitled.

The solution is that DP joins the queuers and you wait somewhere alone. That way you - the pregnant one - sit down and DP - non pregnant - shares queueing duty.

If I was looking forward to going to a restaurant I'd be mightily passed off if a late invited guest said this
Rightly or wrong it puts the onus on the others to change venue to suit you
You should have just politely declined

I think they may have read that as you've suggested that when you've had enough of standing in a queue you will all leave and go somewhere else, which I don't feel is a reasonable suggestion and may well have gone down like a lead balloon. If you also said, but no worries, I understand if you want to stick to your plans, that puts them in an awkward position.

I think if you're joining already established plans at the last minute you have to go with the flow and say yes, or say no because it's not what you want to do, without going into the why and suggesting alternatives.

The option of sitting in the car or a nearby cafe and getting DH to call you when they're at the front of the queue (if there even is one!) would work, without the plans being altered for anyone else.

OP has let them know of her access needs and even said its fine if they don't wish to accommodate no hard feelings. If they were actual friends they'd be fine with this

@nachoavocado do you not see how awkward it would be if they all get there, she doesn’t fancy queuing any longer and then they either have to all leave, try and find somewhere else that can accommodate 6 or say sorry bye bye off you go home?

You were invited to join a group going to a venue which involves queueing. You either find away to cope with the queueing or you decline the invite. You don't accept the invite and then try to guilt people into changing venue to suit you.

you need to cancel, what a faff.

This. Just join them when they have the table - no biggie.

Decline or queue. That’s the options.

They want to wait and they don’t want to be made to feel guilty beacuse you can’t wait and you are stood there.

or for me and DP to wait elsewhere - a pub for example

Just seen you've said this - why not wait somewhere on your own and let your dp queue with them. Are you generally quite hard work?

You're pregnant, not disabled. And for what it's worth I once queued whilst ready to pop for an hour for a concert as I didn't want to miss out.

Im seeing many threads lately about pregnant women not wanting to do this or that - always perfectly normal things IMO - it's not like you're being asked to go bungee jumping! Is this the result of the snowflake generation now getting pregnant!?

It would be yes. But OP has to make it clear she really doesn't mind and say OK I'll catch you guys later.

You should bow out. You can't queue, therefore you can't go to a resturant where there's a good chance they'll be a queue. There isn't a workaround that's not unfair on your friends and/or other queuers. It's unfortunate you'll miss this, but that's pregnancy for you unfortunately, it can be a bit restricting, but its not forever.

This.

ive had spd in both my pregnancies- now 3month pp so it’s fresh in my mind. I think it does come across entitled as a late invite to the occasion tbh. I’d be annoyed if I’d made plans and a late comer was suggesting alternative arrangements when there are solutions to be had without putting anyone out.

yabu

Hah, I just knew this was your first pregnancy in a group of no-kid friends 😂

You're being precious and over complicating everything. Just decline and let them get on with enjoying their evening.

When you found out that they want to queue up then you should have declined - not tried to change the plan, not made excuses, just said no