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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About no-bookings restaurant tonight?

90 replies

mrswhippy99 · 09/09/2022 13:44

A few couples (me and DP included) have agreed to meet for dinner tonight. Originally we weren't invited, it was two couples who agreed to meet, and then we got invited too, I can't quite remember how. Not a big deal (I don't think). Anyway, turns out everyone has organised to meet at a place that doesn't take bookings. I'm 6 months pregnant, and just can't stand for long in a queue (so as not to drip feed, I've got PGP that seems to come and go but is worse if I sit down for a long time, or stand up for a long time).

I've said I can't do a long queue, but totally understand if everyone still wants to go there and queue for as long as it takes, rather than see what the queue is like, and head to a pub or something if the queue is longer than 15/20 mins. It's gone down like a lead balloon, but I don't think I've been unreasonable? I was very clear that I knew they'd made plans to go there before they invited me, and so I understood if they wanted to stick to the original plan, and I'd just meet them another time.

OP posts:
MargotChateau · 09/09/2022 15:55

@Twawmyarse what a nasty thing to say. Are you that aggressive IRL? Actually there are medical conditions that present in pregnancy that render the pregnant person disabled during their pregnancy. I have one of those conditions presently.

@mrswhippy99 try calling the restaurant and booking yourself. Donkeys years ago I used to host at a restaurant and I would always keep spare tables aside for those who can’t queue and politely made a request rather than acted entitled, like pregnant women, the elderly, disabled and those with sen children. Worth a try, I’m glad I was kind then as it seems to have paid it forward now when people have been so accommodating and kind when I need it.

gogohmm · 09/09/2022 15:56

Call the restaurant and ask if it's possible to have a chair to sit on to queue. I've done this before

NumberTheory · 09/09/2022 15:57

I said that I can't queue for more than around 20 mins. So, if we get there and the the queue is really long then we could go elsewhere, or they are welcome to go to the original restaurant and I'll catch up with them another time - I acknowledged that they'd originally planned to go there without me and totally understood if they really wanted to eat there. I haven't tried to make anyone feel guilty - but equally this is the situation and if they DO feel guilty then I can't help feeling that's their problem, not mine?!

I think this a good summary except you’ve left off the bit where if it goes down like a lead balloon you have your answer - they don’t want to change their plans. /you were invited to a get together with an agenda, you’ve suggested a change because it’s not something you like and they are not receptive. That’s not necessarily them feeling guilty. It wasn’t something they were expecting, they don’t like it and they haven’t yet decided whether to just accept it or try and work out a gracious way to tell you to stay home.

Glitterspy · 09/09/2022 15:58

nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 15:29

OP has let them know of her access needs and even said its fine if they don't wish to accommodate no hard feelings. If they were actual friends they'd be fine with this

I don’t think they sound like actual friends. Being vocal about children being annoying and not wanting them themselves, in front of a pregnant “friend” is pretty vile. Have you thought about the fact that these people won’t want to hang out with you and your “annoying” child any more in approximately 3 months’ time?

TolkiensFallow · 09/09/2022 16:10

ring the restaurant and see if they’ll consider a booking.

if not pull out, you’ll probably find you won’t really keep in touch with these people much after you’ve had your baby.

Whataretheodds · 09/09/2022 16:15

I'd be happy for us to join them a bit later once they've had a chance to check out the queue, or for me and DP to wait elsewhere - a pub for example - while they queue
Yes this would be entitled. Why shouldn't your DP queue too?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 09/09/2022 16:18

You should have just declined the invitation if you aren’t prepared to go along with the plan as it stands.

Overthisnow98 · 09/09/2022 16:29

Just turn up late after they’ve been seated?

oxydant · 09/09/2022 16:32

Horatioshelmet · 09/09/2022 14:52

Dishoom by any chance?

It's always friggin dishoom and almost never worth it

JelloFishy · 09/09/2022 16:55

Can't they queue and you join them later once seated?

I would do that for my pregnant friend, because they are my friend and I care about them? 🤷‍♀️

KosherDill · 09/09/2022 16:55

I think putting them on the spot like that to change their plans, which were made prior to your involvement, is very rude.

You either accept an invitation or decline. You don't get to negotiate. If you don't think the situation will suit you, cancel.

arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 17:02

I agree with @KosherDill above. You don't get to negotiate plans made prior to your invitation. Extremely rude.

LondonLovie · 09/09/2022 17:04

Just say you'll be along 30 mins late. Then sawn on once they are all seated

FirewomanSam · 09/09/2022 17:06

I think you’ve made things too complicated. You go, if the queue is too long for you then you find somewhere nearby to sit and wait and get your friends to call you when they’re near the front. If it’s one of those ‘we won’t seat you until your whole party is here’ places then I’m sure they’ll make an exception if your friends explain. They might even have somewhere inside where you can sit while you wait.

I think asking your friends to agree to potentially leaving the queue and looking elsewhere if it takes too long is unreasonable (are you going to easily find somewhere else nearby that takes a walk-in party of 6 with no wait on a Friday night anyway?) and they are now in an awkward position where they either have to agree to this plan or say ‘actually no, maybe it’s best you don’t come’. They won’t want to do either of those things.

I can see you had the best intentions but can also see why it hasn’t gone down well.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 09/09/2022 17:11

I would just wait elsewhere until they get seated and they can text you.... I don't think it needs to be more complicated than that

Calphurnia88 · 09/09/2022 17:11

You have my sympathies with the PGP but I think you've over complicated things, which as a late invitee is a bit annoying for the original group.

You'd have been better just saying 'thanks for the invite but I know <insert restaurant name> always has a massive queue so I'll give it a miss this time. Enjoy!'

I know you've tried to come off breezy in your actual response, but as it currently stands it sounds like you're expecting the group to go to the restaurant, and if they queue is over 20 mins either go somewhere else or send you home. Both of which would end up being a bit awkward.

Coffeeandcaketime · 09/09/2022 17:15

Can the restaurant not provide you with a seat while you wait? Call them and maybe explain and see what they say.

Hillrunning · 09/09/2022 17:18

But they way you worded it sounds as though you are happy to arrive, see how long thw wait will be and then you expect them to either change thier plans or turn to you and say 'see you another time then!' No-one would be comfortable with actually having to do the second option, it would be excruciating to say that to a friend who has got ready and come out only to be sent home. So really the only choice you have given them is to change their plan.

You shouldn't have given them a choice. You should have said, we would love to come but as a heads up, if the wait is more than 20 minutes my condition means that DH and I will have to bail for somewhere with no wait and leave you all to enjoy your meal at x. Hopefully it will work out though as I'd love a catch up with you all.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 09/09/2022 17:22

You were quite rude, OP. Putting your friends in an awkward position and then declaring it is their problem not yours… when you are the one causing the problem.
And from your answers it sounds like you didn’t consider waiting on your own while your DP queues, so yes quite entitled.

Herja · 09/09/2022 17:23

Just ask them for a chair for the queue. Neither my mother or grandparents are able to stand for longer than 5 minutes, and that's often pushing it. We just ask for chairs and I shuffle them all along every so often. Never had an issue when asking at all, in any business.

Even the gaming store my son favours found my grandad a chair. This is a complete non issue.

bloodyplanes · 09/09/2022 17:27

Newnameoldme2022 · 09/09/2022 15:19

@mrswhippy99 so now they are faced with a super awkward decision where if the queue is let’s say, 30 mins then they wait and you just go home?

You might not have meant to but you’ve made it much more awkward and entitled.

This

FirewomanSam · 09/09/2022 17:31

Herja · 09/09/2022 17:23

Just ask them for a chair for the queue. Neither my mother or grandparents are able to stand for longer than 5 minutes, and that's often pushing it. We just ask for chairs and I shuffle them all along every so often. Never had an issue when asking at all, in any business.

Even the gaming store my son favours found my grandad a chair. This is a complete non issue.

This. Plenty of people with mobility issues navigate this exact situation every day. I’ve queued for the infamous Dishoom before with grandparents in their 80s. They either found somewhere nearby to sit or got offered chairs by the restaurant staff.

washingbasketqueen · 09/09/2022 17:31

I wouldn't have made a big deal out of it. I'd have shown up (having had a plan with my dh) see what the queue was like and if it was too long I'd either go and sit nearby and ask friends to call when table ready or go elsewhere with dh.

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 09/09/2022 17:32

I have found over the years that if you ask all restaurants will take a booking even if not advertised.
Even Wetherspoon take bookings 😂

AnnaKorine · 09/09/2022 17:37

You were quite rude, OP. Putting your friends in an awkward position and then declaring it is their problem not yours… when you are the one causing the problem.

100% this. There’s nothing worse than people putting you in a horrible situation and making you feel like an ass for doing what you actually want whilst they declare they gave you options and there’s no pressure, when really it’s quite implicit that social niceties dictate you chose the other option.