The Queens death - raw emotions surfacing

[Greyarea12]

I have started this post due to one I have just read and some of the comments from people who are experiencing what I am the now.

I thought i would do this post for people who would like to express how they feel about the Queens death bringing up raw emotions around their own loved ones deaths.

For me, my Dad died 6 weeks ago. Watching the Queens family rush to say their goodbyes and being to late, brings up some very raw emotions and memories for me from 6 weeks ago. It is exactly what happened to my family.

Knowing that her family have that awful, stomach churning physical pain inside them reminds me of the very early days of how I felt when my Dad passed over.

I have found myself in tears most of today so far, not so much over grieving for the Queen, although it is very sad what has happened, but because i miss my Dad so much and all this takes me back to 6 weeks ago.

I see so many saying they don't understand why people are sad but all I can think is - anyone who saw me driving to the school this morning with my eyes filled with tears (not crying) may of looked at me and thought, oh god, not another one. What they don't know is my Dad died only 6 weeks ago, I am grieving and what has happened is bringing all my feelings and emotions to the surface. The radio are playing some very sad songs that are also making me emotional, infact right now, my Dads reflection song at his funeral, 3 weeks ago, has just came on.

I am so sorry to the many people on here, who i have seen comment on a post, who are grieving and experiencing some very raw emotions at the moment ❤️

Oh Greyareas, that is so recent, it must be very painful for you. I'm so sorry. I hope you have lots of love and support around you.

I have been thinking a lot of my mum who died this time of year about 5 years ago. It's less raw for me than your loss, but there have been other deaths in her generation since then, both my family and the family of friends. It's not just the personal loss of my mum, but the overall sense of loss of a generation--including the few people left who personally remembered my dad (who died quite young many years ago). From a selfish point of view, I feel like a lot of my history is being lost and I'm increasingly aware of my own mortality and being potentially left very much alone as I age.

Objectively I know there are always terrible things happening in the world somewhere, and that when I look back to my childhood and youth it wasn't necessarily a simpler or a better time ... it just seemed simpler and better because I was 10 and wasn't the one paying the rent! But it's hard not to feel that sense of nostalgia, of painful longing for a past in which I had fewer worries, my parents were alive, the Queen was on the throne just like always, democracy appeared to be working, war in Europe was unthinkable, etc. I know perfectly well that's rose-tinted glasses, but the emotions are very real.

I’m so sorry for your loss, greyarea

I am completely the same. I had a double bereavement earlier this year, and I can’t stop crying today because I have been catapulted back into the earlier, overwhelming grief, despite not being particularly any kind of royalist. It’s very understandable.

Totally get this. Dad died nearly 20 years ago. Mum died 6 years ago. A few raw feelings have been brought to the surface. I can only imagine how it must feel for those who have suffered more recent bereavements.
My heartfelt condolences to you , op.

I'm so sorry for your loss Greyarea. Six weeks after my dad died (4 years ago) still felt incredibly raw. Both seeing other people's loss and songs from his funeral hit the grief button hard.

I lost my father in law some months ago and Kates face as she drove on the school run reminded me of how I felt staying at home with the children while my husband travelled to sort everything out. Trying to be normal but feeling like everything was wrong. I'm definitely teary eyed today.

I think nostalgia sums a lot of it up too. The Queen was important to my grandparents so she was a background feature of my childhood. I'm missing that innocence today.

I have to admit I shed a tear at the news last night mainly because I'm sat waiting for that phone call to tell me my brother has died.
So sorry for your loss op.

Completely understand how it makes the grief change @Greyarea12 I lost my Dad around the same time as you and I’m certainly making connections. Take care of yourself and try not to think how others may be perceiving how you are feeling. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space to be sad

Yes, my Mum died at the end of June, but tbh I'm not kind of linking the two, I'm sad at the thought of our lovely Queen not being here. Always so understanding of the nation's mood ('We WILL meet again') in the pandemic etc.. she's just ALWAYS been there.. tbh I just wanted to be in church when I heard, & even did a quick google search to see if any services were planned.. obviously not everyone felt the same way, or no time for arrangements to be made, as there was nothing.. :-(
I went in the garden & said prayers for her instead.
I guess I sound a bit pathetic.. I suppose rather than my late parents, I thought of her as almost another grandparent, and it was hard losing them. Ah well, if anoyone wants to mock me, they can! It doesn't alter my feelings.

I think it can be very normal. I’ve gone out of my way to look after a colleague at work who lost her mum this year. It all came back to her yesterday and she couldn’t understand why she was so upset but really it was the loss of her mum coming back.

I understand the idea of it causing your own emotions to surface and relate it to your own experience.
But, honestly, everyone experiences grief differently, you can’t ‘know’ what anyone else feels like.

@Greyarea12
I'm so sorry for your very recent loss and I imagine the passing of the queen has compounded your already raw feelings
I have to say it has brought feelings of my late DM even though she passed 24 years ago.
It's poignant for me that she was born in the same year and the image of the queen reminded me so much of her in looks too
Grief and loss affect everyone differently and I do hope you have strong support around you

@Picturesintheclouds08 thank you x

@Greyarea12 So sorry for your loss 💐and thank you for this thread. My dad passed away just over a month ago and I found myself sobbing in the car driving to work today and thinking how the Queen’s death has been so triggering to my personal grief.
Sending you warmest hugs 💐

It's not that there is a 'connection' it's just when you are grieving, hearing of other losses, talk of death, reflection's on life, sad songs can really stir things up again.

I think you’ve missed the point that there isn’t an obvious connection as grief doesn’t show up in orderly, “rational” ways. And it’s different for everyone.

Not me, because having had therapy as an adult I have fully processed things like the loss of my parents. DH is still raw about the loss of MIL 3 years ago. He always will be though because he was raised to not acknowledge or deal with emotions.

I’m not judging anyone who has struggled with the loss of a loved one. It’s just that my ILs are masters at sweeping things under the carpet.

My mum lost her husband in June and she's really struggling with this.
It's really brought all the grief flooding back for her.

💐

Yes, it took me a little while to realise much of the sadness I feel regarding the Queens passing, is actually my own grief following the death of my Grandma earlier this year. She was a similar age and a huge fan of the Queen, so I'm drawing parallels.

My grandmother was a big fan of the queen and had the commemorative plates up around the house and so on. She died during the covid pandemic in her 90s and whilst of course I felt sad, there was also joy and celebration for a long life well lived. I do feel very sad about the queen but I don't think we should be, really. She had a long life well lived.

But it's not really about that. It's about change and how we deal with change. I suppose there's always been a feeling that the queen was a sort of grandmother figure looking over the country and a sense of safety that came with that.

Much love to all of you. My mum died a couple of years ago and I was thinking, and saying to my cousin yesterday how she, my aunt and our grans would have been utterly devastated by the Queen's death. I found that thought the most upsetting. Then I smiled thinking how, even though she'd be very sad, my mum would be looking forward to the funeral as she loved a bit of regal ceremony and always said nobody did it better than Britain.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

For me it's bringing back memories of Diana's death, which is forever linked with my father's death. Watching the coverage with him, oblivious to the fact that he would die suddenly soon after.

I'm also grieving for my grandmother, she passed not too long ago and yesterday reminded me so much of the waiting. Being by her bedside just waiting and hoping for a better outcome.

Grief is complex and intricate and wraps itself around so many parts of our lives.

I’ve weeped a few times since last night. My mum 9 years ago but it was the anniversary a few days ago. I also kind of want to phone her to talk about the Queen dying but can’t.