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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The Queens death - raw emotions surfacing

77 replies

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 11:54

I have started this post due to one I have just read and some of the comments from people who are experiencing what I am the now.

I thought i would do this post for people who would like to express how they feel about the Queens death bringing up raw emotions around their own loved ones deaths.

For me, my Dad died 6 weeks ago. Watching the Queens family rush to say their goodbyes and being to late, brings up some very raw emotions and memories for me from 6 weeks ago. It is exactly what happened to my family.

Knowing that her family have that awful, stomach churning physical pain inside them reminds me of the very early days of how I felt when my Dad passed over.

I have found myself in tears most of today so far, not so much over grieving for the Queen, although it is very sad what has happened, but because i miss my Dad so much and all this takes me back to 6 weeks ago.

I see so many saying they don't understand why people are sad but all I can think is - anyone who saw me driving to the school this morning with my eyes filled with tears (not crying) may of looked at me and thought, oh god, not another one. What they don't know is my Dad died only 6 weeks ago, I am grieving and what has happened is bringing all my feelings and emotions to the surface. The radio are playing some very sad songs that are also making me emotional, infact right now, my Dads reflection song at his funeral, 3 weeks ago, has just came on.

I am so sorry to the many people on here, who i have seen comment on a post, who are grieving and experiencing some very raw emotions at the moment ❤️

OP posts:

Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:21

Eskarina1 · 09/09/2022 12:14

I'm so sorry for your loss Greyarea. Six weeks after my dad died (4 years ago) still felt incredibly raw. Both seeing other people's loss and songs from his funeral hit the grief button hard.

I lost my father in law some months ago and Kates face as she drove on the school run reminded me of how I felt staying at home with the children while my husband travelled to sort everything out. Trying to be normal but feeling like everything was wrong. I'm definitely teary eyed today.

I think nostalgia sums a lot of it up too. The Queen was important to my grandparents so she was a background feature of my childhood. I'm missing that innocence today.

@Eskarina1 I am sorry for you losses.

I have seen a couple of pictures of Kate and I can't begin to imagine how awful it must be to have the world watching you as you grieve.

OP posts:

Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:24

Giveronyoursausage · 09/09/2022 12:18

I have to admit I shed a tear at the news last night mainly because I'm sat waiting for that phone call to tell me my brother has died.
So sorry for your loss op.

@Giveronyoursausage I am so sorry for what you are going through ❤️

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Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:28

Squeezed · 09/09/2022 12:19

Completely understand how it makes the grief change @Greyarea12 I lost my Dad around the same time as you and I’m certainly making connections. Take care of yourself and try not to think how others may be perceiving how you are feeling. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space to be sad

Thank you @Squeezed. I am sorry for your loss also and I hope you are also being kind to yourself and have the space that is needed for you to grieve ❤️

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Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:31

Burgersandfries · 09/09/2022 12:49

@Greyarea12 So sorry for your loss 💐and thank you for this thread. My dad passed away just over a month ago and I found myself sobbing in the car driving to work today and thinking how the Queen’s death has been so triggering to my personal grief.
Sending you warmest hugs 💐

@Burgersandfries thank you and I am sorry for your loss . It has been so triggering for me too and i have shed alot of tears today for my Dad ❤️

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Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:36

maddiemookins16mum · 09/09/2022 13:10

I’ve weeped a few times since last night. My mum 9 years ago but it was the anniversary a few days ago. I also kind of want to phone her to talk about the Queen dying but can’t.

@maddiemookins16mum this is how I feel. I have strong urges to call my Dad and the Queen dying is the sort thing I would call and chat to him about.

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StressfulBedtimes · 09/09/2022 20:38

Yes! I feel ridiculous being so upset, but I just keep crying

We had a period of 6 weeks recently where we lost 4 family members, and I think I’m realising now that we quite literally hadn’t processed one before another happened, even one happening on the day of another’s funeral

One of these losses was my Nan who reminded me so much of the Queen, she looked exactly like her in so many ways, smile, mannerisms and the way she dressed, so seeing her everywhere is honestly like I’m losing a grandparent all over again - which feels so ridiculous as I’d never even met her

I think I’m realising that I need to go back in time a little bit and really process my grief, as my reaction to this has really shocked me, I’ve utterly sobbed

Strangely comforting to know I’m not alone though

Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:40

Peccary · 09/09/2022 13:11

I agree OP, my mum died suddenly in June at just 67 and the general air of sadness today has really affected me

@Peccary I am so sorry for your loss ❤️

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Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:43

mamabear715 · 09/09/2022 17:48

A light-hearted one.. my youngest daughter & I were chatting last night that my late mum (died end of June) would be absolutely THRILLED that her & the Queen died in the same year.. it's just how she was!
We pictured her telling everyone in Heaven.. ;-)

@mamabear715 aw that's lovely and brought a smile to my face.

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FluffyFluffyClouds · 09/09/2022 20:44

Seeing these age-old behaviours playsd out so publicly was a little bit of a reminder, but funnily enough, it was seeing Charles do his speech that I found tough.
The white hair, the carefully fitted suit, the expression on his face of diligently trying to do his best when given an important responsibility. Reminded me, to my surprise, of my late Dad. He'd had a stressful childhood and the issues from that meant our relationship wasn't perfect, but I do miss him.
I went away from the TV.

The Queen reminded me of all the elderly women I grew up with, grans and stepgrans and great aunties, strapping themselves gamely into their best suits and hosting dinners and keeping everything going.
And like my late Mum, the Queen lost her father (and was propelled prematurely into senior adulthood) stupidly young.

So many echoes...

Snoozer11 · 09/09/2022 20:45

Over the last few years I've become acutely aware that a lot of my family members are getting older.

I think this has brought home the fact that days I dread will come. Almost like this may be the first domino.

Original poster

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:52

StressfulBedtimes · 09/09/2022 20:38

Yes! I feel ridiculous being so upset, but I just keep crying

I think I’m realising that I need to go back in time a little bit and really process my grief, as my reaction to this has really shocked me, I’ve utterly sobbed

Strangely comforting to know I’m not alone though

@StressfulBedtimes I am so so sorry to hear this. This must be very tough. I have been the same. I cried so much this morning I gave myself a migraine. I was also confused but realised it is bringing so many painful memories up for me and I just miss my Dad so much and have such a strong urge to talk to him. I also find it strangely comforting to know I am not alone in this right now.

OP posts:

ILoveMonday · 09/09/2022 20:53

So sorry for everyone who has lost someone on here 💐 It's so painful, no matter how it happens.

I have absolutely no idea why I'm crying so badly 😭 It's been on and off since yesterday - even before the Queen died. This news has made it worse though. I'm a bit worried I'm getting depressed again.

BrookeDavisQueen · 09/09/2022 21:01

I'm so sorry for your loss OP 😢. I experienced a traumatic death during Covid and have only just started to come out the other side. Today there's been lots of tears, in part because the 10 days of mourning feels claustrophobic and I don't know how to escape it.

klipwa · 09/09/2022 21:07

My loss was a month ago; the funeral less than 2 weeks ago.

My loved one had been an avid monarchist through out their VERY long life and I cannot separate my grief regarding one from the other.

I am aware that if my loved one was still with us, I would had felt sadness for the royal family, rather than grief I feel right now. The endless news coverage, and screensaver condolences at work (!) are very hard to cope with.

BCBird · 09/09/2022 21:09

Warm thoughts to all of you out there who are grieving.

HundredMilesAnHour · 09/09/2022 21:41

You're not alone @Greyarea12 . I lost my Mum 27 years ago but I have shed plenty of tears today and feel incredibly low. Losing a loved one changes you forever. I can't even begin to imagine what Charles is going though having to deal with his grief AND THEN ALL THIS. Poor man. The eyes of the world on you. Every word, every look, every movement being analysed. God knows how he is finding the strength. He really is his mother's son.

HangingOver · 09/09/2022 22:05

I agree I feel like I've been through the wringer. That feeling of profound shock at something permanent disappearing is relatable to everyone. It's awful.

ChicagoBears · 09/09/2022 22:09

I feel very much the same as you OP. It’s definitely triggered memories of my father death. Sending you a virtual hug.

Ellami · 09/09/2022 22:19

Im finding I’m upset because I don’t handle death or the idea of mortality well. It’s not linking to a particular death I have experienced but just a knowledge that it’s a reality and we aren’t here with our loved ones forever. The passing of time, if that makes sense.

perturbed1 · 09/09/2022 22:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ponoka7 · 09/09/2022 22:50

An extremely elderly ex forces man broke down on television today. He's been at every remembrance Sunday parade. I got the impression that he wasn't only weeping for the Queen. I can remember the first year that Philip couldn't be present, the Queen shed a tear.
I was over my Mum's death, seven years ago, her anniversary was the 8th, we usually watch her favourite show and have a glass of one of her favourite drinks. When I heard about the Queen I also had the churning stomach, which developed into a migraine, including dizzy spells and I've cried. My thoughts have been with the children either being told last night, or waking up to it this morning.

mamabear715 · 10/09/2022 08:18

How are you all this morning?
I'm finding it difficult. I appreciate that tv companies have to let everyone know what's happening, but it's so difficult to get away from it, isn't it?

MigsandTiggs · 10/09/2022 09:36

For me, the circumstances surrounding the Queen's death brought back memories of the DC's mad dash to get home from abroad when the doctor told me it was time to call them home. (DH had terminal cancer). DS had already quit his overseas job for one in the UK, six months previously, as he wanted to be close by, but we were spelling each other and he was at my home resting after doing the night duty.

One DD came directly from the airport to the hospital and she was the only person to be there when her father passed away, as I had taken my sister away to a quiet room to allow DD to be with her father in privacy. Other DD had landed at Heathrow but phoned to say that her flight to Scotland had had to turn back so she would be delayed. She howled at the news when I told her that her dad had just died.

I am just so glad that Charles and Anne were able to be at the Queen's bedside when she passed away.

StressfulBedtimes · 10/09/2022 09:41

Greyarea12 · 09/09/2022 20:52

Show quote history

Thankyou! And I’m so sorry for your loss, yours was so recent please give yourself time 💐
I totally get wanting to ring your Dad too, the first person I would’ve spoken to about this would’ve been my Nan, she would’ve been all over this! I remember her waking me up the morning Diana died and it being all we watched and talked about for days, she bought all the commemorative newspapers and had pull out pictures of her that came with them up on her walls!

I also agree with everyone saying this mourning period feels claustrophobic, but then I also feel strangely guilty turning the tv/radio off and trying to distract myself
A very strange time indeed

Original poster

Greyarea12 · 10/09/2022 10:43

@mamabear715 I am sorry to hear you are finding it difficult this morning. It is difficult to get away from it and for the first time ever I feel relief at my dd watching YouTube as that's all I can hear. (Never thought I would say that)

At the same time, I feel like how I am feeling, the emotions I am expressing and the reflecting I am doing with the help of all the reflection songs being played on the radio is almost good for me. I feel like it is helping me to process my grief around my Dad. However, in saying that, I will be looking forward to the tv and radio getting back to normal in a few days (hopefully not 10 days of this). I am going to visit my Dads resting place today and talk to him about all that has happened today.

I hope you are ok. Try to keep busy today if possible. If you would find helpful, write down how you are feeling. It is a good way of expressing your emotions and regulating them in a healthy way. ❤️

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