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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what happened with him

89 replies

Jemnifwlcraig · 07/09/2022 18:57

So i started chatting to a guy OLD. I recently broke up with someone so we mainly sexted and spoke on phone. The direction was sexual but he also said some endearing stuff like he wanted to make sure when we met it wouldn’t just be a “meaningless fuck”. We talked about loads of stuff and seemed to have a lot in common. Anyway we finally met up had sex and then I kinda stepped back and he did message but it doesn’t feel
like before. So I asked him if he’s still interested and he messaged back straight away but just kisses (xxx). So I didn’t reply as my gut feeling is he’s trying to slow fade. The last time he texted was on sat and I expected him to text again by now but he hasn’t. What do you think happened? Shall I leave it and am I right thinking it is slow fade?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 07/09/2022 21:54

😓

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 07/09/2022 21:57

I think you are flogging a dead horse OP. Sexting a stranger, discussing sexual compatibility before you've met, then having sex when you do meet - come on it was about sex for him.

There is nothing wrong with having sex for sex sake, but when he is using language like don't want it to be a 'meaningless fuck' he is telling who he is and how he thinks.

Also don't read to much into his XXXX as a reply to your 'don't you want me baby' request, my guess is he can't be bothered to answer an awkward question and hopes you'll take the hint.

Learn from this OP and as others have said better luck next time.

Swimmingpoolsally · 07/09/2022 21:59

Oh are you the poster who is on their forties and he’s 74, you are aren’t you?

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 07/09/2022 22:03

?

OP posts:
doitwithlove · 07/09/2022 22:42

OP move on, so many guys are like this on OLD.

Block his number and move on

Cw112 · 07/09/2022 22:48

I kind of think ask him outright. I did online dating for ages before I met my dh and found that was the best way forward usually, set your stall out in terms of what you want and your boundaries and if you feel they aren't meeting those then call it out. I know a lot of people ghost now but I would have just sent a message and asked where I stood. Though I also think guys do what they want- if they want to be in touch they will, if they want to make an effort they will. And if they aren't doing that then i would be inclined to call it out and move on to someone who does what they say and doesn't waste your time. The bit about old I used to hate was all the wondering in between the lines so just scrap that part and do what suits you and the right person will fit in with that naturally .

beebopper6 · 08/09/2022 00:04

That's a crappy feeling, sorry OP. It does sound like he went off the whole thing after getting what he wanted.

watcherintherye · 08/09/2022 00:13

The direction was sexual but he also said some endearing stuff like he wanted to make sure when we met it wouldn’t just be a “meaningless fuck”.

That’s endearing? God, I must be so out of touch.

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 13:59

I meant it felt as though he wanted to make sure it wasn’t a random shag

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 16:24

@beebopper6
yes it does feel like that ugh

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 08/09/2022 17:30

Have you replied to his texts yet?

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 17:31

@sammylady37 no just sent an x and he sent one back and that’s it

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 08/09/2022 17:49

But... You had sex and then you backed off.. if anything you're the one looking uninterested.

If you're interested, text him with an actual statement, not a crappy question or kisses.

If you're not interested, then block and move on.

You can't expect him to come chasing you constantly, a relationship is a two way street. Until you learn that, you'll be single for a while.

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 17:52

Yes but when I tried to ask him a week ago if he was interested still he just changed the subject and told
me what he was up to that night followed by xxx

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 08/09/2022 18:12

Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 17:52

Yes but when I tried to ask him a week ago if he was interested still he just changed the subject and told
me what he was up to that night followed by xxx

Because it's a stupid question. If he wasn't interested he'd not speak to you. He is, therefore he is interested. Plus you said earlier he just did xxx, now he actually responded and you didn't bother. Or maybe you did and just aren't telling us.

This isn't rocket science, it's a back and forward conversation. It requires two people to both speak, not one to do all the talking.

Again if you can't get that, then you'll be single for a while. Keep playing games if you want or wanting your guy to ride up on a white horse and sing you songs from the street, but it's never going to happen, so come back to the real world and chat normally, like you would a friend.

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 18:15

i get what you’re saying but surely if he that I wasn’t he’d ask?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 18:16

if he thought^

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 08/09/2022 18:17

Maybe he's normal and doesn't ask daft questions like that?

If you don't like him, block and move on. If you do, talk to him. It's not difficult.

BatshitBanshee · 08/09/2022 18:33

Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 18:15

i get what you’re saying but surely if he that I wasn’t he’d ask?

Someone asking me if I'm still interested would give me the ick because I'd assume they're about to get clingy. If you like him, text, stop this sending x's nonsense and overthinking it. Stepping back etc is just a pointless game. You've already had sex so either you'd like to continue seeing him or not.

UrghBlahBlahBleugh · 08/09/2022 20:37

God, this is all painfully childish 🙄

Matrons · 08/09/2022 20:42

I'd just call him. Then you will know for sure. Texting can b misinterpreted.

I am old though...

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 20:48

gut Feeling is he just wanted sex

OP posts:
Stickworm · 08/09/2022 20:57

Why are you just sending an x? Why don’t you ask how he is, how his day has been etc?

Original poster
Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 20:57

As he used to just do that too
and he sent an x back

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 08/09/2022 21:36

Jemnifwlcraig · 08/09/2022 20:48

gut Feeling is he just wanted sex

Well then be an idiot and give up. Keep going round in circles with men, good luck to you.