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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my BMI is unreasonable and my DP is weird?

55 replies

Ariadnee · 07/09/2022 02:01

I weighed myself tonight, newish scales, analogue, I am 7.5 stones at 5'4.
I dont look skinny but am very slight. I eat well but healthily (salmon, veg, rice, homemade pizza) and am active with yoga and cardio for approx 40 mins per day. I feel good and my clothes haven't changed, I am a size 6-8 uk.

My family have always been small, so it isn't too odd to me but the NHS calc says I am quite underweight. Like a 17 MBI.

My Dp insists the scales are wrong and we are much bigger. Every time we weigh in. I ask why and he says we don't look as light as they say. But we have gone to chemists and Tesco to test the scales and all of them agree with our home ones.
Why would my DP insist i am larger than I am, and not be concerned?

I feel healthy and look it, so I presume things are ok, but this odd thing with him insisting our scales are out by a stone is weird to me. I don't like being so light am am happy to up my calories, but I am confused with my partner for insisting I am much heavier than I am. I feel that he isn't interested in my health if he can ignore a low weight.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ariadnee · 07/09/2022 02:03

just to add we only weigh ourselves once every few months so this is not a weekly thing.

OP posts:
Rummikub · 07/09/2022 02:06

Yeah he’s being weird.

Stop weighing yourself.

Carry on eating healthily.
As long as you feel ok.

Whatever is going on on his head isn’t right. Does he restrict your food intake?

Original poster
Ariadnee · 07/09/2022 02:11

god no, he doesnt interfere with my food at all.
I do feel good, but the BMI result has made me worried so I am going to up my calorie content a bit.

I know the NHS can go over the top a bit, and there are outliers, but it still scare d me.

Mt DP was indignant, said the scales are wrong, despite checking at other sources over the months, and acts as if we never did that. He isn't abusive but we are in a bad place, I am hoping to leave soon.

Still, i can't understand why he would ignore a low BMI when he has no history of disorder, and try to convince me i am a lot heavier Confused

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 07/09/2022 02:17

Lots of people will come and tell you BMI is nonsense “ArNiE iS ObEsE!” but for the general population it’s a good indicator. I’d only really worry if being that light means you have any other issues like poor bone density, low muscle tone, skipping periods etc.

Otherwise id not worry too much if you feel and look find as outliers do happen.

I assume if you’re splitting up then thing are getting a bit petty generally

JestersTear · 07/09/2022 02:20

Why not pop along and see a nurse? Ask for a health check-up and as part of that, ask to get weighed, and see what they say health-wise about it if anything. If you are a healthy weight for your height then no worries, it becomes your choice about what to do.
Your DP does sound as though he's controlling, as though he wants you to be thinner or something. And yes, it's weird.

Rummikub · 07/09/2022 02:22

Ok that’s good he isn’t trying to control your food intake.

I don’t understand why he’s trying to gaslight you regarding your weight. You know your weight/dress size/bmi. What he thinks is irrelevant. If you were concerned you could see your GP

Im not sure what he’s got to gain. Is this a recent behaviour?

Original poster
Ariadnee · 07/09/2022 02:31

I am due to see GP soon so will square this with her. I have always been small but this is quite a fe pounds lower for me. I quit drinking wine last year so have assumed it is that!
A few 100 cals a week are gone.

However I do enjoy my physical life and have no issues apart from IBS. I am just so baffled by DP really. We have been together for 20 years so this sudden dem=nial of my intelligence about my own weight is weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ariadnee · 07/09/2022 02:31

sorry, "denial".

OP posts:
Rummikub · 07/09/2022 02:40

Ask him to stop.
You’re happy with the bathroom scales. No need to buy into what he’s suggesting. Ignore.

Flatandhappy · 07/09/2022 02:42

He’s messing with your head, leaving soon sounds like a good plan.

Fraaahnces · 07/09/2022 03:03

The BMI range for every height is actually quite vast and doesn’t take extreme differences in bone structure and muscle mass in at all. It is a useful guide for determining body fat, etc, but usually with health and weight loss in mind. You are probably perfect for YOU. It sounds like you are fit, active and flexible. I would ignore him.

youlightupmyday · 07/09/2022 03:20

I'd leave him sooner rather than later. You are not happy and there are some weird mind games going on..

PurpleDaisies · 07/09/2022 03:26

You sound quite concerned about your low weight. This is definitely something that’s worth discussing with a medical professional, if nothing else to set your mind at rest.

I wonder whether your healthy diet is providing you with all the calories you need, especially with exercising a lot.

PurpleDaisies · 07/09/2022 03:29

Every time we weigh in. I ask why and he says we don't look as light as they say.

When you say “we don’t look as light as they say”, does he also have a low bmi?

TheTeenageYears · 07/09/2022 04:00

With regards to your height & weight, food and activity level it all sounds good, just probably not 'normal' in current times. I really wouldn't worry - I have been a similar proportion up to about 45 although somewhat taller. I have very slight wrists and am generally in proportion. BMI was flagged on maternity notes but never mentioned as an issue.

The issue with DH on the other hand is just plain weird. I'm not really sure what you do about him except completely disengage, don't weigh yourself near him or ever talk about weight/bmi with him. You can make all the healthy choices you want, they don't need to involve him and don't need to be discussed. Does he have an issue with his own weight/bmi that he's trying to drag you into? You do you.

whatonearthh · 07/09/2022 05:46

Maybe it's to do with the mentality that some men (and I'm sure some women) seem to have of 'you're fine'. My DH drives me insane with this, one example is when I was pregnant and was advised that I was at higher risk of getting preeclampsia. I had my own blood pressure monitor to keep an eye on my BP inbetween midwife appointments. I kept a track of it which showed that my BP was slowly increasing throughout pregnancy but within normal range until approx 35 weeks. When I started to get readings above the normal range my husband said the batteries in the machine are probably dying rather than being concerned that my BP was so high!

PopPopPopP · 07/09/2022 06:00

To me, it just seems that DH is trying to say 'dont worry about it, all is fine', which to be perfectly fair, I was also thinking. You are light, but say you've always been light so there doesn't seem to have been a change. You eat healthy and exercise, haven't reported any health concerns, so I'd say just chill. If you are worried pop to see the practice nurse for a quick health check. Personally though, I can't see what the fuss is about.

If you are happy with your weight, eat healthy and take regular exercise, why have you both been weighing yourselves? Why do you want your DH to worry about you (I prefer mine not to worry about me as he has enough to worry about). Are you trying to elicit care from him at the moment for some other reason??

MintJulia · 07/09/2022 06:06

Does he go to the gym? Is he trying to build muscle? Has he used scales at the gym that tell him a different story?

I suspect might not be about your BMI but his.

If you are healthy and energetic, and have checked the scales against others, I'd stop worrying and just get on with life. Sounds like his problem alone!

Ilovelindor · 07/09/2022 06:11

I dont agree that hes gaslighting you. As PP said, hes probably trying to tell you that you look fine and normal to him. That the fault lies elsewhere, not with you.

If you came on here saying your weight had gone up and you were overweight everyone would rip you to shreds on here. So it's interesting now MN says you should ignore BMI when it says you're underweight.

Go to the GP to get checked out. Perhaps increase your calorie intake a bit? How is your menstrual cycle?

moose62 · 07/09/2022 06:31

Could it be that he likes you slim and is worried that you will put on weight so is trying to convince you otherwise.

SellFridges · 07/09/2022 07:00

If you have lost a % of weight, rapidly and unintentionally (eg over the course of a month or so), I would definitely discuss with the GP. Otherwise if you’re happy then I don’t see what it’s got to do with anyone else.

YelloCar · 07/09/2022 07:18

moose62 · 07/09/2022 06:31

Could it be that he likes you slim and is worried that you will put on weight so is trying to convince you otherwise.

I think this too.

Rummikub · 07/09/2022 08:43

Ok so your 7.4 stones.

Your dp is trying to convince you the scales are wrong and are telling you that you’re lighter that you actually are. (Which to me is gaslighting.)

I don’t think this sounds like reassurance at all. Otherwise he would you’re fine. Instead he’s saying the scales are reading too light and so must be bigger.

Did this coincide with you saying oh my bmi is a bit low according to nhs I’ll eat more calories?

Midlifemusings · 07/09/2022 08:47

He sees that you eat and exercise and are healthy and likely is trying to not support your obsession with the scale. He doesn't think your weight is an issue based on your lifestyle and so doesn't get why you go on and on and drag him around to multiple places to try other scales. I think it is his way of saying - you are fine.

iloveeverykindofcat · 07/09/2022 08:53

I have same proportions. Not cold, not tired, menstruate normally and recent blood tests show I'm in perfect health. If anything I could do with some body recomp so have recently picked up some weights and eating more protein but this is just my frame. Are you Asian/Arab/mixed? For my ethnicity a healthy BMI stops at 23. And quite a few of my older relatives got type 2 diabetes not much over that.

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