to think my BMI is unreasonable and my DP is weird?

[Ariadnee]

I weighed myself tonight, newish scales, analogue, I am 7.5 stones at 5'4.
I dont look skinny but am very slight. I eat well but healthily (salmon, veg, rice, homemade pizza) and am active with yoga and cardio for approx 40 mins per day. I feel good and my clothes haven't changed, I am a size 6-8 uk.

My family have always been small, so it isn't too odd to me but the NHS calc says I am quite underweight. Like a 17 MBI.

My Dp insists the scales are wrong and we are much bigger. Every time we weigh in. I ask why and he says we don't look as light as they say. But we have gone to chemists and Tesco to test the scales and all of them agree with our home ones.
Why would my DP insist i am larger than I am, and not be concerned?

I feel healthy and look it, so I presume things are ok, but this odd thing with him insisting our scales are out by a stone is weird to me. I don't like being so light am am happy to up my calories, but I am confused with my partner for insisting I am much heavier than I am. I feel that he isn't interested in my health if he can ignore a low weight.

This was my first thought

What is his weight? I think it sounds like an issue he has, rather than an issue with you.

If he's also very light, was he maybe bullied at school or felt out of place in a very rugby type school or anything? Or is he worried about being bigger and can't really believe he's not?

You should probably check your bone density. Might be low.

I am heavier on the scales than I look. Runs in my family. Our bone density is higher than average.

Don't think it can make a massive difference but definitely alters the picture by a stone or so.

A friend of my mum was like this, and its "fine" but then she became ill and her weight dropped because of the illness and she is now severely underweight which is a problem.

You and your dp need to stop wittering in about your weights!

do you live together? New relationship?

Wait - just seen your other thread!

you’ve been together 25 years but you are very unhappy and wanting to leave him.

OP - don’t give a hoot what he thinks about your weight. It’s a distraction from fact you are planning to leave him!

Ignore your partner. He might be projecting, he more be worried you’ll get fat, or he might be trying to be nice and missing the mark totally. What matters is your health and how you feel about your body.
So the things you need to look out for with a low BMI are bone strength and density, muscle mass and hormonal regulation.
You do regular daily exercise which is great. Is some of it weight bearing exercise? Walking counts, as does any weight training or any carrying things around (walking with a backpack etc). Weight bearing exercise is key to maintaining bone density. Swimming is great for building muscle and so is yoga. Bone and muscle density are really important for women to maintain as we get older - osteoporosis is not nice.
If your body fat drops too low it can start to affect your hormone levels - this is why women can lose their period if they get too underweight or struggle to get pregnant when they are underweight (even if they still have periods).
Obviously you do need to eat more calories to put on weight.
It sounds like you’re mostly in pretty good shape OP, and that you’re someone who naturally sits at the lower end of your BMI range. If you were a little heavier a few months ago and felt stronger then adding in a few calories and continuing with the good exercise habits is definitely the way to go. I’ve never been technically underweight as an adult but I have been at the very bottom of my healthy BMI range and I definitely prefer how I look and feel at a BMI of 20/21 rather than 18 or 19. If you prefer how you look and feel at 8stone or 8.5stone rather than 7.5 then that’s a totally reasonable thing to aim for and just as likely to result in health benefits as someone aiming to reduce a BMI of 26 or so down to 24 or so.

How though? I’d he’s telling her scales are reading too light and she/ they are bigger? Am I missing something? Or reading the op wrong.

Also no one should be obsessed with scales/BMI in the first place. Look up where the BMI chart actually comes from. Hint: it was never actually intended to apply to individuals.

Because the OP wants to change her lifestyle based on the reading on the scales. So Midlife thinks maybe he’s trying to reassure her and help her not get obsessed with her weight and make changes when he thinks what she eats, how much she exercises and how she looks are all fine (in his eyes).

I don’t think it’s that though. I more suspicious that he likes the OP the way she is and doesn’t want her to put on weight to move out of the underweight bracket into the healthy range.

Yes i agree with you. That he doesn’t want op to put weight on. By playing mind games.

i don’t think he’s trying to reassure at all.

You are almost certainly a little underweight, yes - you could try upping your portion sizes a little bit, or adding a healthy snack to your diet every day. As others have said, some weight-bearing exercise for bone density, and maybe lifting to build some muscle, might also help.

But the real issue here is that a man who is trying to convince you that you are bigger than you are, when you are a size 6 and weight 7.5st, definitely has an agenda. You say he isn't abusive - I would say that it is absolutely abusive try and gaslight a thin woman into believing she is heavier than she really is. He is actively trying to make you miserable and worried. It's horrible.

I absolutely do not think, as some PPs have suggested, that it's because he 'likes you slim'. What he likes is you being insecure.

In your other thread you mention that you have been together 25 years, you don't live together, and have no financial ties. You also say you are scared to leave him. Basically he's trying to keep you scared by breaking down your self-esteem. The more confident and secure you are, the easier it will be for you to walk away.

I suggest you walk away now. You aren't happy with this man. You don't even like him very much. You have no family/property/money ties to him. He is making you unhappy. You have literally no good reason to be with him, and the longer you stay with him, the more miserable you'll be.

Just. Do. It.

Yes that
well put

I had a BMI of 17.5 when I was pregnant OP, it flagged me up as problem and they were concerned my baby might be small and I had to have extra scans because I must not eat or something - despite me telling them it was normal for me and my family. My ds was over 9lb's.

If it's normal for you and your family then stop weighing yourself (I never do). Maybe your OH is concerned that you're worrying too much about your weight or that you're going to go the other way and start eating loads of junk. Or maybe he just genuinely thinks the scales are a bit rubbish and probably wrong (even if they're not).

I think he's being weird and controlling. I used to be your weight when I was in my 20's and I was very slight and quite bony looking. Why would he tell you you're heavier, unless he's either projecting his own issues on you, or if wants to keep you at this weight or even thinner.
From your other thread, you don't sound as though you have a healthy relationship. I know it's an easy thing to say on MN, but maybe you would benefit from some counselling/therapy to sort your feelings out.

I don't know if I am misunderstanding this but all I am reading is that OP is concerned because she can see she has a low BMI when she weighs herself . However if it wasn't for this she wouldn't be concerned about her health .

Is it possible that OP's DP is thinking that if she is fit and healthy it is likely that she has a higher BMI than is being shown on the scales because as low as it is there may be health problems - but OP doesn't seem to have any health problems ?

There doesn't seem to be anything in OP's posts suggesting that her DP is suggesting she should lose weight or stop eating? Maybe he is just puzzled that a healthy person is showing such a low weight and sue to her apparent health wonders if the scales are wrong .

I’d say it’s the opposite he doesn’t want her to gain.

he’s a twat get rid.

My Dp insists the scales are wrong and we are much bigger

Does your partner have food issues / weight issues himself? Sounds likes he is trying to deflect or involve you in his own stuff issues.

Or yes, he is trying to keep you thin.

Have you dropped some weight because of being unhappy in your relationship? As well as cutting out wine. Mood can affect your appetite even if you aren't conscious of it.
Whatever your partner's motivations for his behaviour it doesn't sound healthy.
I'm also curious about the "we"part of it, and the bigger picture - what's going on for him, why are you doing weigh ins together? And weighing yourselves in Tescos etc to double check, why is it so important to know?

I'm 5"3 and my weight fluctuates between 7 stone and 7.3
I wear a size 6 but look 9 months pregnant after I eat anything.
We're all different shapes but as long as your eating normally then don't worry.

Quite obviously he doesn't want you to gain weight, even if 'gaining weight' just takes you to a more healthy BMI. I would not be happy with that. I had a boyfriend similar who loved me at a size 8 (although I was 9 stone!) and dumped me at a size 10/12.

Do you want him to be worried about your weight? I mean if you are exercising every day and eating very healthily, and have given up wine, then yes you will be thin. The way you write about it is as if you are being thin with the aim of him being anxious and confirming to you that you are too thin.

So by all means ignore him because it doesn't really matter if he thinks you are too thin or not. It matters what you think, and what is really going on with you.

@Ariadnee you are the exact same weight and height as me. And my DH did the same - assumed the scales were broken so we had to buy some new ones.

he probably doesn’t believe it because to most people that BMI is really low to be unbelievable.

generally people have higher bmis and say BMI is a ridiculous measurement (it probably is) and it should be lower.

When we come along with a low BMI it confuses people coz it’s the opposite of their thinking.

i wouldn’t worry about it. Everyone in my family is thin too. Some people are just smaller than others. I have wobbly bits though even at my low weight.

He isn't abusive but we are in a bad place, I am hoping to leave soon.

I wish you all the very best with putting plans in plan and putting them into action. That's the important thing.

What he does or doesn't think about anything will matter much less once you get away. Good luck.