AIBU?
AIBU - annoyed about having to keep dads mail?
letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:33
This is definitely a petty thing to be annoyed about but it's a bit of a last straw - so want to know if I'm being unreasonable.
My father moved abroad 6 years ago, the original plan was to put him on my council tax etc, as he was planning to split his time between living in the U.K. with my family and abroad.
Due to COVID however this was only possible a couple of those years.
So as he is registered at my house I get all his post
He is currently applying for a visa for his wife to be able to live in the U.K. with him and explore moving back permanently
Most of his post is junk so I recycle/shred.
I received a letter for him today and it looked important so scanned it to him. He then asked if I could keep this letter and any banking or official type letters for the next 6 months as he might need them for her visa application.
I said I would try, but as this is a busy family home (2 kids, both parents working FT, I'm pregnant with number 3) and I barely (read don't) keep on top of my own important post so I can't promise to keep all these letters for months (let alone find them all again half a year down the line)
He is annoyed that I won't guarantee the safety of his letters, when I have agreed to scan them to him, keeping track of them for months is just a bit too much for me to promise.
The most annoying thing is he isn't even sure he needs the hard copies, they don't accept online bank statements but nothing about scanned hard copies - and he won't bother checking of course.
AIBU to be pissed about this request and his attitude to me not being able to 100% guarantee in 6 months time all these letters will be findable?
JudgeRindersMinder · 06/09/2022 16:34
Is it really so hard to have 1 place to keep them? I looked after my dad’s affairs for a few years and just put everything in 1 basket.
elizabethdraper · 06/09/2022 16:35
Seriously how hard is it to put the letter in a folder on the cupboard
AlisonDonut · 06/09/2022 16:37
In the greater scheme of things, is this really an issue. Can you not just get a box, put it in the shed or garage or a cupboard and just chuck all his post into it for him? Then give it to him when you see him.
User354354 · 06/09/2022 16:37
Oh for goodness sake. It's not hard to have one folder you out his post in 🙄
elizabethdraper · 06/09/2022 16:37
I look after all my dad's correspondence. All his renewals, receipts etc. It takes very little effort. Everything in one folder
elizabethdraper · 06/09/2022 16:38
I look after all my dad's correspondence. All his renewals, receipts etc. It takes very little effort. Everything in one folder
letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:38
JudgeRindersMinder · 06/09/2022 16:34
Is it really so hard to have 1 place to keep them? I looked after my dad’s affairs for a few years and just put everything in 1 basket.
We are having lots of house projects done over the next few months so even this I think would be ok for now but can't guarantee said basket won't be relocated and then lost down the line.
It's the expectation of being his PA that bugs me, so I was wondering if this isn't the hill to die on - probably is 
Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 16:40
Come on now. You really can't keep a bag for his post to go into to? How hard is that?
letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:41
User354354 · 06/09/2022 16:37
Oh for goodness sake. It's not hard to have one folder you out his post in 🙄
Not hard to have a folder
Keeping track of said folder is the issue I am raising with this
I can barely find my own post and I file it away with a lot more care than id have towards his post
Brefugee · 06/09/2022 16:43
are you one of those who does 25 hours admin a week? buy a folder and some of those plastic envelope things with holes in the side, whenever a letter arrives, stick it in the file. That is 30 seconds.
When he arrives thrust the file into his hot and sweaty.
Job done.
dramalamma · 06/09/2022 16:43
Yanbu- it's the expectation that is annoying - I've been in your place with house renovations and things having to move multiple times and getting lost - and I always warned people if it stays in our house I can't be responsible for it - I have enough to be doing keeping track of my own stuff. The price of him using your address can be that some things get lost or he can arrange an alternative.
letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:43
Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 16:40
Come on now. You really can't keep a bag for his post to go into to? How hard is that?
I can shove it all into a bag
Keeping track of this bag for months with everything going on is what I was flagging to be the concern when discussing this
Might see if he will pay for my hours of PA duties to save me getting annoyed about it
theemmadilemma · 06/09/2022 16:44
I've managed to hold on to something dear for a friend through a house move and about 15 years. You can't manage a few letters for dear old Dad?
Shoebox in the hallway, job done. Jesus.
letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:44
Brefugee · 06/09/2022 16:43
are you one of those who does 25 hours admin a week? buy a folder and some of those plastic envelope things with holes in the side, whenever a letter arrives, stick it in the file. That is 30 seconds.
When he arrives thrust the file into his hot and sweaty.
Job done.
It wouldn't be thrust anywhere except into the post box
As he needs it collected, scanned, kept safe and then posted to him when the time is right
Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 16:45
Keep the bag/folder is the same place, all the time. A drawer in your room, in your wardrobe, whatever, but keep it in the same place.
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/09/2022 16:46
Order a big plastic lidded tub from Amazon. Write "do not bin this" on the lid. Everything that comes for him, shove in the box. Regardless of what it is. Don't open anything. Just straight in the box. Keep the box in the bottom of your wardrobe.
Tell your dad you will store his paperwork but will do zero opening/sorting/scanning. He can book in a date when he travels over to sort through it.
letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:46
dramalamma · 06/09/2022 16:43
Yanbu- it's the expectation that is annoying - I've been in your place with house renovations and things having to move multiple times and getting lost - and I always warned people if it stays in our house I can't be responsible for it - I have enough to be doing keeping track of my own stuff. The price of him using your address can be that some things get lost or he can arrange an alternative.
It's definitely the expectation that's the issue for me
Him being named on the house is a favour to him, one which has actually caused issues over the years for DH professionally but still we kept him on it just in case he needs a doctors appt when back in the U.K. and for his post to not have to be forwarded.
It's the responsibility of having to keep on track of all the paperwork when I have so much other shit to worry about that's bugging me
Snog · 06/09/2022 16:48
Not sure how this is even remotely a big deal OP so would assume it's really about other stuff in your relationship with your dad?
ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/09/2022 16:53
I'm so glad I raised normal well balanced kids where something like this would be absolutely no issue for them.
You sound really resentful towards him.
Kinneddar · 06/09/2022 16:55
Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Buy a folder put all his stuff in it as it comes in & keep the folder in the same place. It's really not as difficult as you're making it
CatherinedeBourgh · 06/09/2022 16:56
If it's that big a deal for you, just post it to him now!
Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 06/09/2022 16:57
...but still we kept him on it just in case he needs a doctors appt when back in the U.K
Why does he/you think he can use the NHS when he is actually living in another country?
Does he drive? Is his driving license registered at your address?
You potentially have bigger issues than where to keep letters.
Lemonyfuckit · 06/09/2022 16:58
I don't know about you and your parents OP but for years and years whilst I was at university and then moving house quite frequently - house shares etc - I kept my parents' address as my registered address for everything and my mum and dad dutifully forwarded the important looking post / or opened things I asked them to which were urgent etc., never once complaining, as well as posting all sorts of other belongings to me which I kept at their house. I personally really wouldn't begrudge doing this for my (now just my) mum for 6 months.
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