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AIBU?

AIBU - annoyed about having to keep dads mail?

77 replies

letterjerk · 06/09/2022 16:33

This is definitely a petty thing to be annoyed about but it's a bit of a last straw - so want to know if I'm being unreasonable.

My father moved abroad 6 years ago, the original plan was to put him on my council tax etc, as he was planning to split his time between living in the U.K. with my family and abroad.

Due to COVID however this was only possible a couple of those years.

So as he is registered at my house I get all his post

He is currently applying for a visa for his wife to be able to live in the U.K. with him and explore moving back permanently

Most of his post is junk so I recycle/shred.

I received a letter for him today and it looked important so scanned it to him. He then asked if I could keep this letter and any banking or official type letters for the next 6 months as he might need them for her visa application.

I said I would try, but as this is a busy family home (2 kids, both parents working FT, I'm pregnant with number 3) and I barely (read don't) keep on top of my own important post so I can't promise to keep all these letters for months (let alone find them all again half a year down the line)

He is annoyed that I won't guarantee the safety of his letters, when I have agreed to scan them to him, keeping track of them for months is just a bit too much for me to promise.

The most annoying thing is he isn't even sure he needs the hard copies, they don't accept online bank statements but nothing about scanned hard copies - and he won't bother checking of course.

AIBU to be pissed about this request and his attitude to me not being able to 100% guarantee in 6 months time all these letters will be findable?

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Sunnyqueen · 07/09/2022 10:39

Yabvu yeah. I keep my mums post and she has a business which requires parcels to be delivered multiple times per week. I get no notifications on when these parcels might be delivered. Its not a problem at all no different or harder work than taking my own post and parcels.

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letterjerk · 07/09/2022 10:36

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Take your £1000! I do indeed have a brother who has never been asked to do this, and never would be!

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letterjerk · 07/09/2022 10:35

@Darbs76

He has the required savings

Why do people on here do this, focus on a tiny detail and derail a thread

It's idiotic

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holidaynightmare · 06/09/2022 22:24

@letterjerk

I'd buy a pack of Jiffy bags and shove all his mail in them and when they are full post it to him and tell him to bank transfer you the cost of postage

Job done

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Irridescantshimmmer · 06/09/2022 20:04

Depending on how many official letters you recieve, addressed to your dad, you could either :-

a) Put letters in a plastic wallet for safekeeping in the same place every tine.....or

b) If the volume of post is quite a lot, make up or re-use a card board box and cut a letter box hole in it so you can just post your dad's letters in there. This way his post is out of the way most of the time and you may be more likely to remeber where your dad's post is when he needs it for the future.

Hope this helps😀

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Darbs76 · 06/09/2022 19:58

letterjerk · 06/09/2022 18:09

She is eligible for the visa as she is married to a British citizen

So it has nothing to do with her visa application

Being married to a British citizen isn’t the only qualifying rule. Does he earn the minimum income? Assume he’s pretending he’s lived here all this time hence using your address. Not how it’s supposed to work

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WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 06/09/2022 19:52

bakehimawaytoys · 06/09/2022 19:03

And you sound like a rude cow who gets her kick out of insulting strangers on the internet. Hop off the bandwagon and dial down the self-righteous indignation.

OP, you could look into mail redirection with the post office. I don't know if there's an international service but there may be a solution there. I personally think YANBU, this kind of admin always falls on women and it's tedious beyond belief. Much like all the bosom-hitching on this thread.

Yeah this. ^ I bet £1000 that the OP has a brother who has never been asked to do it. Just shove all the tedious admin shit onto the wimmin. They won't complain, they're compliant and nice, and what happened to 'bekind' ??? Hmm

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WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 06/09/2022 19:49

@sleepygal

Gee, if you can't manage to store a dozen envelopes in a box at the back of the wardrobe how are you going to manage with 3 kids. You sound petty and hopeless.

Wow, how rude and patronising. Hmm

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Crazycrazylady · 06/09/2022 19:43

Dear god.
I've heard it all now.. throw them in a shoebox under the stairs !
He's not asking to move in with you and care for him!! ( think that would be a no based on the too busy to envelopes in a box conversation though. I genuinely really have heard it all now 😲

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Fudgemaker · 06/09/2022 19:41

Just forward the post on to him every 2 or 4 weeks surely?!

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GreenGreenGrassBlue · 06/09/2022 19:36

How about a box in the garage/porch?

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WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 06/09/2022 19:35

@Lemonyfuckit · Today 16:58

I don't know about you and your parents OP but for years and years whilst I was at university and then moving house quite frequently - house shares etc - I kept my parents' address as my registered address for everything and my mum and dad dutifully forwarded the important looking post / or opened things I asked them to which were urgent etc., never once complaining, as well as posting all sorts of other belongings to me which I kept at their house. I personally really wouldn't begrudge doing this for my (now just my) mum for 6 months.

WTF? Confused I don't think I have ever known anyone leave home for uni, and then move over and over again, into different flats and house shares, and still expect their parents to deal with taking in their post (including important and official stuff) and packages and parcels, for years and years.

Why did you never deal with your own mail? Why did you never just get your own shit sent to your own property or P.O. Box? What a burden to place on your parents. Confused I would not be doing this for anyone, and nor would I expect anyone to do it for me. It's serious CF territory.

@letterjerk I am going against the grain here. I think your dad is taking the piss. YANBU to be annoyed about it. And what if it drags on even longer than 6 months...? Nah fuck that.

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No547 · 06/09/2022 19:24

Doesn't sound difficult to me. Get a large envelope or Manila folder or small box, put the letters in there and put them in the bottom of your wardrobe or some shelf where there will be easily located and accessible.

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ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/09/2022 19:06

bakehimawaytoys · 06/09/2022 19:03

And you sound like a rude cow who gets her kick out of insulting strangers on the internet. Hop off the bandwagon and dial down the self-righteous indignation.

OP, you could look into mail redirection with the post office. I don't know if there's an international service but there may be a solution there. I personally think YANBU, this kind of admin always falls on women and it's tedious beyond belief. Much like all the bosom-hitching on this thread.

She has a valid point, you are the rude one!

I mean I run my business from home and their are 6 of us live here, I get on avarage 3/4 letters a day, How many is op getting that she cant cope? ffs, most stuff is online or emailed nowadays.

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bakehimawaytoys · 06/09/2022 19:03

sleepygal · 06/09/2022 18:30

Gee, if you can't manage to store a dozen envelopes in a box at the back of the wardrobe how are you going to manage with 3 kids. You sound petty and hopeless.

And you sound like a rude cow who gets her kick out of insulting strangers on the internet. Hop off the bandwagon and dial down the self-righteous indignation.

OP, you could look into mail redirection with the post office. I don't know if there's an international service but there may be a solution there. I personally think YANBU, this kind of admin always falls on women and it's tedious beyond belief. Much like all the bosom-hitching on this thread.

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Whodoiwanttobe · 06/09/2022 18:59

Wow dramatic much. Get a clear box. Put a label on saying ‘Dad’s post’. Chuck it in there. Put box under stairs/under bed/in shed.

There’s clearly more to this… do you not like him? Sounds simple to me.

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letterjerk · 06/09/2022 18:55

Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 18:22

You're frightened of losing the folder or bag? WTF? Hmm

I'm not frightened

More annoyed at his reaction to me stating this was a possibility

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letterjerk · 06/09/2022 18:54

sleepygal · 06/09/2022 18:30

Gee, if you can't manage to store a dozen envelopes in a box at the back of the wardrobe how are you going to manage with 3 kids. You sound petty and hopeless.

Hardly a dozen

I have to sort many more to find the important ones

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Isonthecase · 06/09/2022 18:51

I'd also be peed off by this. You're already doing him a big favour - he doesn't get to decide that you'll extend it. I'd be shoving all the not obviously junk mail in an envelope and sorting it max of once a month if he wants that, he can have a photo whatsapped at best. But then I use the scanner about once a year so getting it out and working takes ages.

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AlwaysLatte · 06/09/2022 18:48

It doesn't sound like much, you obviously will have other paperwork to file and keep track of. Just another folder!

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purplecorkheart · 06/09/2022 18:39

Honestly is it really that hard to keep track of post both his and yours? Probably a good idea for you to know where your own post and just put your Dads in the same spot (in a bedside locker, on a bookshelf etc). Just download a scanner app and take a photo and email the ones that need to be emailed to him.

To be honest you seem to have issues with him and maybe you need to deal with them.

Is it your house that he lived in or are you now living in his house?

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sleepygal · 06/09/2022 18:30

Gee, if you can't manage to store a dozen envelopes in a box at the back of the wardrobe how are you going to manage with 3 kids. You sound petty and hopeless.

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Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 06/09/2022 18:28

Yep and in those years he came back and spent the required amount of time here to qualify

Fair enough. Thanks for clarifying.

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Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 18:22

You're frightened of losing the folder or bag? WTF? Hmm

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SouthOfFrance · 06/09/2022 18:17

Ah OK, so back then he was eligible because he was spending the required time in the UK, but you are making it sound like he plans to use your address so he can access the NHS if he ever needs to, even though he doesn't spend much time in the UK anymore.

Sorry if I've misunderstood the situation but I just think if I was you the post thing would be the least of my worries, I'd be more concerned about being mixed up in him claiming to be a UK resident when he's clearly not.

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