AIBU - annoyed about having to keep dads mail?

[letterjerk]

This is definitely a petty thing to be annoyed about but it's a bit of a last straw - so want to know if I'm being unreasonable.

My father moved abroad 6 years ago, the original plan was to put him on my council tax etc, as he was planning to split his time between living in the U.K. with my family and abroad.

Due to COVID however this was only possible a couple of those years.

So as he is registered at my house I get all his post

He is currently applying for a visa for his wife to be able to live in the U.K. with him and explore moving back permanently

Most of his post is junk so I recycle/shred.

I received a letter for him today and it looked important so scanned it to him. He then asked if I could keep this letter and any banking or official type letters for the next 6 months as he might need them for her visa application.

I said I would try, but as this is a busy family home (2 kids, both parents working FT, I'm pregnant with number 3) and I barely (read don't) keep on top of my own important post so I can't promise to keep all these letters for months (let alone find them all again half a year down the line)

He is annoyed that I won't guarantee the safety of his letters, when I have agreed to scan them to him, keeping track of them for months is just a bit too much for me to promise.

The most annoying thing is he isn't even sure he needs the hard copies, they don't accept online bank statements but nothing about scanned hard copies - and he won't bother checking of course.

AIBU to be pissed about this request and his attitude to me not being able to 100% guarantee in 6 months time all these letters will be findable?

Thankfully they never had to do that for me, moved out at 18 and dealt with my own post!

I've been having to be official post sorter for years, this is just annoying me having to now keep it all when I barely keep track of my own post at the moment

He doesn't drive

Another one of my many bug bears when he visits (getting promoted from PA to taxi driver!)

Not resentful as a whole

Just a bit annoyed about the whole situation, having him on the house has caused issues in the past and we kept him on for his benefit

And now despite being busy, barely keeping on top of my own post he wants me to set aside time each week to open all his mail, scan the important ones over to him and then keep the post safe for months, then post it all to him is just bugging me

It would be more annoying having to post every letter for 6 months! There are a few a week he needs to keep and 10x that sent I need to sort through

Would he pay for international redirection?

Can I redirect mail to another country?
Yes, you can redirect mail from a UK address to a new address abroad. We’ll direct all mail using our International Standard service.
Please note:
To apply online, your credit card must be registered to a UK address.
We can’t redirect mail from another country to a UK address. Please contact the postal authority in that country if you need to do this.
We can’t redirect any mail to an address outside the UK which is over 25mm thick, weighs more than 100g or appears to contain goods.

£173.99 for six months.

You don't need to sort through any of it nless YOU want to). Just stick it all in a big box. When he wants it, he will come and collect it, or arrange a courier to pick it up. It does seem like you are making it more difficult than it needs to be.

As an aside, are you not worried about getting prosecuted for fraud re him using your address to use the NHS etc?

Well he did live here

So hardly fraud

Due to COVID he wasn't able to travel back which was outside of his control

I know that dealing with my own post is sometimes very annoying and somehow much harder than it realistically should be.

In the same time, I'd do it for someone who I allowed to be registered on my address, I see it as part of it.

Can you make your work easier? For me switching habbit from scanning the documents to taking photos with my phone and sharing with one click there makes this kind of admin much more bearable.

Sounds that you aren't really happy with letting him use your address overall, so this is just a last drop for you. Are the other issues which this is causing to you ongoing? Can they be solved/eased?

If it’s that hard you have more problems than your dad’s post to deal with🙄

This is just plain stupid, like REALLY non issue stupid.

Just buy a cheap folder and put all his mail in there, put it in a drawer then hand it all over when he wants it.
A lot simpler than scanning letters and a lot less hassle than letting it wind you up.
In the folder and out of your mind

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz this basically. Just save the post in a box or bag, no sorting, filtering or scanning etc. If he wants the whistles and bells service then he pay for it 🤷‍♀️ Life is busy and it sounds like yours is going to be getting busier

You doing even need a folder (which makes the 'task' feel like a job, and could be too anonymous to keep track of). Just a nice box kept in the porch or the hall...as decorative as you like, that you can pop the letter in in about three seconds and then get on with something else.

I don't understand how you're going to lose a basket. Especially if he gets as much post as you say - wont you be putting things in it regularly?

YANBU. My Mum used me as PA when she moved to Spain and it was irritating beyond belief.

I'd gey a clear plastic box and label it. Dad. Juat stick everything bat junk mail I there for him. Put it in your downstairs cupboard or something.

Well he did live here
So hardly fraud
Due to COVID he wasn't able to travel back which was outside of his control

You said he moved abroad 6 years ago.
Covid didn't exist 6 years ago.

I did live in London a few years ago but I am pretty sure it would be fraudulent to continue using that address (or a family members address) when I actually live in another country.

Throw away all of the junk mail. I'd get a plastic box with a lid, and put it all into there. Keep it in the shed or garage, out of the way.

This. Your dads committing fraud. They'll figure it out they aren't stupid.

He isn't resident in the UK though is he? Because you need to be if you want to use the NHS?

Get a box and put everything in it that’s not
obvious junk. I wouldn’t open anymore for him, just keep it in the box

So...to be clear... your father is using your address in the uk while he is living abroad to apply for a visa for this country for his wife.
She presumably would not be eligible for said visa if they used their actual address?
He is keeping a foot in the uk door so he can access nhs and possibly other services when he is here?
All sounds a bit questionable to me.......
Fraud.
Aiding and abetting.

I have been in your shoes. It was meant to be temporary but went on for 4 years! Only stopped because I moved house and refused to give him my address.

I didn't have a traumatic childhood but I don't have a good relationship with my dad. This just felt like another step of him controlling me. As a grown adult I had the right to say no more and to not have to see his name on my doormat every couple of days.

Send him the link someone else posted about international redirection!

She is eligible for the visa as she is married to a British citizen

So it has nothing to do with her visa application

@SouthOfFrance

He was spending more than the required days in the U.K. pre covid