Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the teacher....

80 replies

Myunicornis · 05/09/2022 22:26

My daughter is in Year 2. 6/7 year old. She has been struggling to find a friend group this year after having decided to stop playing with her current friends because they make her play roles in games which are the 'rubbish roles' and if she doesn't she can't play. So she has decided not to play with them this year. But is finding it hard to mix. I've guided her as best I can but want her to try and make her own way and approach other kids.
I think her confidence may be a bit battered after the last friend group so I understand it may take time. She is generally very happy.
Anyway, she has told me that a girl she considers a friend handed out party invitations to laods of the girls in her class today during break time and her and a few other girls didn't get one.
I had no idea what to say to her. She just can't understand why she didn't get one when some of the other girls did and they aren't even friends with the party girl.
I am absolutely devastated for her. I know some kids have parties and don't invite everyone but surely you wouldn't send these invitations in to school!
I want to contact the teacher and explain the effect this sort of thing can have on children. I know it's not her fault and it's down to the parent of this child.
I'm just so sad for my daughter.

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 06/09/2022 21:57

Myunicornis · 05/09/2022 22:42

It's not so much that she hasn't been invited. I understand she won't be invited to every party and that's absolutely fine.
It's the fact that the invitations were handed out in the classroom so the 3 or 4 girls out of 15 that haven't been invited now know they have been excluded.
I just think if parents want to do this then fine, just keep it out of school so they don't know they have been excluded.

It is upsetting, and I wouldnt have my child do this, however in life she will continually experience people not liking her or not being invited, being rejected, and failure etc. It isnt nice but it is life. I never get parents who choose to try and interfere and shelter from that rather than just explain to their children and help to boost their confidence and elevate their self esteem to the point it doesn't matter anymore.

ChiefFinderOuter · 06/09/2022 22:03

Kite22 · 06/09/2022 21:52

I really wonder how parents who claim to have no idea how they could possibly handle invite distribution participate in other areas of school life like

  • teacher gift collections - not a thing is all schools. I've never been asked to contribute to a whole class gift (as a parent) and never received one (as a teacher)
  • returning other children’s uniform that your children come home wearing - er....send it back in to school in the morning (or after you have washed it if feeling kind)
  • locating your own child’s missing uniform - depending on age of the child, either reminding them to go and look for it in the morning, or mentioning it to breakfast club staff if that seems appropriate.
  • PTA collections - again, not come across PTAs just collecting money, or, if you mean collecting bottles for the tombola or something, then it gets sent in with the child in the morning
  • finding out what the weekly spellings are when your child has forgotten their planner - well, if they don't bring them home, they can't learn them and probably won't do so well and they might or might not learn from that
  • play dates - well, if you are at work, there isn't o much opportunity to invite other dc home for tea or to play, but, if really want to then sending child with a note to give to their friend would seem a sensible way to pass your number on to friend's parent

I am surprised that you can't understand people might be in a different position from you, and manage just fine with their circumstances.

I specifically said that I’m sure that other people don’t do any of this, but I also think, based on my own experience and the experience of friends and colleagues that have children at other schools, that they are in the minority.

If you really can’t think of any way of getting in touch with the parents of your child’s friends then by all means, then explain this to the school and ask if they can assist. I imagine they could put them in school bags at the end of the day. But surely you can see that sending a 6 year old in with a handful
of invites to give out in school time, in front of everyone, to just some of the class, is a little unkind? Not to mention unwise- I’d certainly not trust my 6 year old not to drop them in a puddle in the playground!

CoastalWave · 06/09/2022 22:03

FWIW I still think it's crap that parents continue to do this. Either invite every child in the class or invite 5.

There's shouldn't really be any half way house. Really really winds me up. We can do better. You should do better.

MynameisJune · 06/09/2022 22:11

CoastalWave · 06/09/2022 22:03

FWIW I still think it's crap that parents continue to do this. Either invite every child in the class or invite 5.

There's shouldn't really be any half way house. Really really winds me up. We can do better. You should do better.

But a lot of places have say a minimum of 10 children for parties such as trampolining and bowling, so most parents say a maximum of 9 or 10 friends. At 6/7 they’re not hugely into mixed sex parties so it tends to be all of one or the other.

I’ve found that no one seems to mind as much when boys invite only boys to their parties but when girls invite only girls and not every girl in the class they’re nasty and manipulative.

ChiefFinderOuter · 06/09/2022 22:18

MynameisJune · 06/09/2022 22:11

But a lot of places have say a minimum of 10 children for parties such as trampolining and bowling, so most parents say a maximum of 9 or 10 friends. At 6/7 they’re not hugely into mixed sex parties so it tends to be all of one or the other.

I’ve found that no one seems to mind as much when boys invite only boys to their parties but when girls invite only girls and not every girl in the class they’re nasty and manipulative.

Show quote history

Having been in that position, relatively small class, half a dozen children invited, ended up being all bar a few of the same sex children in the class, I tend to agree. It’s ok not to want to do a whole class party. What I absolutely stand by though is that if you are going to do this you don’t send the invitations in to school for your child to hand out in break time, ffs.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page