To be struggling to survive on 65k household income

[Soddinghell]

By the time we have paid mortgage, phone bills, bills car insurance, kids activities etc we barely have anything left. I don’t know what’s going on. DH earns 50k and I earn 15k part time. Please somebody help me I am thinking of going full time to stay afloat, I don’t know where we are going wrong, we are not in London or an expensive area, just outside manchester and people keep telling us we should be fine. We are not though!

Would be so much easier if people write what they're paid net each month. I get paid 5300 in a pretty insecure role, and my husband doesn't work. No money worries atm, but if you looked at my gross pay you'd think I was rolling in it.

what types of things is she saying?

You are being ridiculous

High mortgage?
High food and drink expenses?
Spending a lot on things like children's clothing and gifts when you could be buying much more cheaply?
Expensive holidays, nights out?
Except for the mortgage, all these things can be cut substantially.
I've had friends whose family incomes were twice ours complaining about the cost of living but who dressed their children in nothing but expensive labels, a fortune on Christmas and felt entitled to an expensive holiday overseas every year. Crates of alcohol consumed every week.? Children enrolled in 3-4 expensive weekly activities.
Look at areas like these to make adjustments.

You have got used to £65 k lifestyle and spent up to your limits. You can't have the same lifestyle something has got to go. What that is is up to you.

Write it all down. See where it is going and make cutbacks.

You have a lot of income you should be ok. Though it is hard having to cut back. You will be fine.

Do not spend everything you have and save. It will stand you in good stead when your leccy bill rises to more than your bloody income (carers allowance)

We all live within our means and the cost of living has increased so regardless of your income, unless you’re left with a large amount of disposable income each month, you’re going to feel the strain! Try writing everything down, your income and all outgoings and see if there is anything you could do without. Ring all utilities and see if there are other, cheaper tariffs etc shop in the less expensive shops Lidl/aldi eat in rather than out, those sorts of things. A few small changes could make a big difference.

You're obviously pretty shit at managing your finances and spending recklessly!

This.

Poor money management and I think people will be offended by your post who are less fortunate.

🙄

I have a large mortgage, not my fault i was born in the 80s. it's still cheaper then renting though.

I am on £55k as a single parent and must admit I struggle. It’s because I live in London (albeit outer) and my mortgage is stupidly expensive. That’s the reason.

Im kind of tied to this area because of my exh being here and kids being in schools here - eldest (13) would not cope with a move and would stay with her dad which is just not happening.

I can obviously cut things to manage - so nothing like in the shoes of alot of people - but it still feels a bit shit to have to do that. Different degrees / definitions of struggling I guess.

You're obviously pretty shit at managing your finances and spending recklessly!

do you feel better now @MissMaple82?

This is one of the worst posts I have read for a long time. Cannot believe OPs inability to read the room.OP get a full-time job. Remember there are people so much worse off than you.

By that logic no one should complain as some people are starving, homeless, etc.

I think the spreadsheet is a good idea. I understand where you are coming from. We have previously been comfortable but are also being squeezed. I am going to be on statutory maternity soon and thought I would have saved more of a back up. My partner earns a good wage. We entirely planned this baby, a much wanted IVF baby, but the way everything is getting more expensive we will have to make adjustments to have both children at the school DC attends. The fees jumped 13% this year.

It is a bit of a shock to the system to realise that the numbers do not all work when you have previously been comfortable.

Yes, being comfortable is a privilege and people are worse off, but it doesn't make it terrible to be pissed off.

I really worry about how people will be able to cope and where we are headed.

I get it. If you have one high earner you are clobbered in tax and income is a lot less than if you both earned 30k, plus child benefit starts to get taken away.
If you've got a mortgage and childcare costs , something like a car loan it can very easily leave you with no disposable income.
But at least you have jobs and do have things you could cut back on, even if it would be hard. I think budgeting and noting down all expenses can be an eye opener. See if you can cut down on groceries, things like take aways and maybe limit children's hobbies, buy inexpensive clothing etc but yeah 60k before tax with 2 dependents mortgage and childcare costs may not buy you the life style you think it would

You're earning a large amount and shouldn't be struggling, definitely look at ways to reduce costs, find cheaper kids activities or reduce frequency, make changes to the food shop, do you have any subscriptions you could cancel...etc

The nursery fees are a large chunk of your outgoings. You'll just have to grin and bear that for the time being unfortunately. Have you applied for everything you can get benefit wise ie child benefit, % of your childcare fees etc back? I'm not sure what you can claim on your income. Go onto entitled to or turn to us.

Write out a list of every penny of income and outgoing starting tomorrow, see if there is anywhere you can cut back.

🙄🙄 always one!

No regular takeaways.
No regular eating out.
Aldi shopping. Or go down a level of brand to shops own or savers. Some things will be ok at different levels. Not all savers beans are the same. Sainsbury's ones are better than Asda to me but you might prefer another sort)
Fruit in season. Strawberries get expensive and tasteless over winter.

Grow your own (runner beans and tomatoes work well for us. As do raspberries.
Make your own. (Elderflower champagne is quick)
Know the price of everything and where is cheapest.
Cook from scratch often (though watch the fuel costs and time if it takes you away from earning more) try batch cooking.
Eat less meat. Mumsnet magic chicken is a thing for some people.you don't need as much meat as you think.
Packed lunch for work. Coffee from home.
Clean the crap out of your car. Drive slower on motorways drive smoothly.
Cut back gradually so it is less distressing. (Maybe too late for that now)

Tell me, what is a pay rise?

Lots of advice on here; maximise your income, reduce expenditure, use budgeting tools etc... Perhaps also reflect on what you do have that you can be thankful for, and spare a thought for those in worse situations. It really can help to put things into perspective.

You might have to make cut backs like dying your own hair, less beauty treatments , takeaways, restaurants. Buying own brand food. If you are about to end phone contract get a sim only one it's reduced my bill by loads. Any subscriptions you don't need get rid. Pay off car finance if you have it and keep the car instead of upgrading to a newer model.

I'm probably going to get flamed not a dig at you OP but so many people on middle - higher salaries borrow the absolute max for mortgages even when they didn't need too for status reasons. Get brand new cars on monthly payments, brand new iPhones every 2 years live month to month on debt spending every last penny. This country is built on debt it's going to a be a very painful few years.

@Fififelix absolutely agree. I stopped changing and updating my mobile to the latest one years ago. Total waste!.

As for cutting back I started shopping in Aldi... and watching what I spent during the pandemic my job has never been at risk and won't be but I was humbled a while back. Perhaps this is an eye opener to others too.

People are pretty harsh. It depends where she lives. Perhaps it was fine before but with the unexpected rise in cost of living many people are left in difficult situations.

Budget -
See if you can cut down on food expenses - You can save money here if aren't already.
Extracurriculars - do you need all of them or could you cut down on one?
Mortgage - could you move? realistically? I don't know where you are but some parts of the country are less expensive.
Work - could you take on a couple more hours to make up for the deficit?

Like others you won't be the only one and things are not likely to improve overnight. So take action.