Allergy at nursery

[WorthThe]

DD is 25 months and has an Anaphylactic allergy to dairy in all forms. It's really severe and she can react to trace amount and contact. It's been a bloody nightmare to tell you the truth.

She's starting at nursery soon and I'm incredibly anxious but think it's best for her. We've found a nursery we feel we can trust and the staff seem really switched on.

Even so, I've heard horror stories of kids being given the wrong food or milk when at nursery and DD is still too young to know to say "No".

I've had a t-shirt made up for the first day that says "Milk Allergy" in big pink letters. I was chuffed at the idea and think it's good for the staff (all 12 of them!) to know she's the kid with the allergy when they meet her.

Well, I told DH and he's just said he feels really uncomfortable with her wearing it and he said, and I quote "Jesus, don't do that to her. How could you plaster her medical needs all over the front of her?". I feel awful as I really don't see anything wrong with this.

AIBU to think the t-shirt is a good idea? I'm really questioning myself now.

I think the t shirt is a brilliant idea. This is your child's life we're talking about. I'd also want a meeting with the nursery staff though to a) make it clear how dangerous the allergy is (most kids allergic to milk just get a dodgy stomach) and b) understand exactly how they are going to keep your daughter safe. Have you been shown the risk assessment?

Whacko??? Do you understand what anaphylaxis is?

I think it's a great idea OP. I'd also ask that DDs keyworker undertake additional allergy training. There's free online courses that only take an hour or so and I don't think that's unreasonable for such a severe allergy.

I would second asking to see their risk assessment, if they cannot go dairy free. My son has an anaphylactic egg allergy and his nursery don't serve anything at all containing eggs at snack time, on the mornings he's in.
He has antihistamines and 2 adrenaline pens permanently at nursery and I typed up our allergy plan, including a brief history of his anaphylaxis, tell tale signs (skin blistering was one of the first ones for us), how to administer an adrenaline autoinjector, when to call for an ambulance etc. The nursery used the JEXT training videos for their staff. Knowing all of this was in place really put my mind at ease: they are all very cautious about him eating anything.

I think anyone saying that the t-shirt idea is nuts, has been lucky enough not to be the parent of a child with a severe allergy.

I think the t-shirt idea is genius and I don't think the nursery staff would be remotely offended by it - it's a really clear visual reminder of just one of the hundreds of things they have to remember every day. I would use it for longer than one day - maybe the first couple of weeks? and then morph it into something slightly less obvious, but that makes your dd instantly recognisable - like a uniform as mentioned upthread - eg she always wears pink and maybe wears some kind of bow or something in her hair, along with a badge, patch or allergy bracelet.

You can't be too careful with anaphylaxis. Good luck and I hope your dd enjoys nursery

I decided you were very unreasonable at the '25 months' comment 😳😳😳 your child is 2.

For an anaphylactic allergy I'd definitely have a visual reminder like a t shirt. DS has a non anaphylactic allergy and his nursery is mostly good at managing it, but mistakes do happen and it's an extra reminder.

Just to add that my 2yo regularly has one or two changes of t shirt at nursery in a day, water play, painting, mud, etc. So no guarantee that the clothes she starts the day in will last till lunch! You might want to make it sew on patches like a pp suggested and have it on all her clothes.

I think you need her to wear the shirt every day.

I worked in nurseries for 5 years and there were children who ate/drank things they shouldn’t have in that time. Muslims eating pork, dairy allergy drinking milk, staff not reading ‘milk powder’ in ingredients, not fully understanding what ‘dairy’ is etc

You will have agency staff coming into the room who have never met your child before. They shouldn’t be serving the food/handing out drinks, but on occasion they likely will be.
Staff will on occasion be working feeling ill (no sick pay) or hungover (young team) and won’t always be fully alert to their role.

I wouldn’t send my child to nursery if they had an allergy this severe - it’s an accident waiting to happen. I’d have them with a childminder or nanny, but not a nursery. Too many staff who don’t know your child working with her.

My youngest child, now a teenager, has multiple allergies so I understand your anxiety. One of them was picked up for the first time when he had an anaphylactic reaction at nursery actually, typically of course on a day when I wasn't at my usual workplace which was literally across the road from the nursery. But all was well fortunately as the nursery staff followed his treatment plan to the letter.
But I'd have some misgivings about your t shirt idea to be honest. Not because of privacy issues or anything but around effectiveness. There's a couple of potential issues come to my mind. (I've not read all the replies so apols if i am repeating stuff.) Firstly there's the risk of over reliance on it. If she's not wearing it, or she goes wearing it but has to have her clothes changed will the staff lose sight of the issue because they have come to rely on that visual cue? And let's face it, it's is common for toddlers to need changes of clothes. There were many times when mine came home in clothes belonging to nursey even though there was always a full change in their bags. So if she is only wearing it intermittently, will it work?
However, on the other hand, if you get multiple versions and she wears it every day there may be a risk that they become "blind" to it and it ceases to be that very obvious alert that you hope it would be.
Also, if you're only planning on using it on day 1 it's probably not that worthwhile. I'd hazard a guess that day 1 is actually your least risky day as everyone will be on high alert anyway. In my experience, whenever my DS started somewhere new there were no issues as all the staff had been briefed, everyone knew they had a child with severe allergies starting and were super cautious. I felt the chances of errors actually went up a bit as everyone got familiar and a bit more relaxed. Making sure that new and temporary staff are fully aware is key too, as with regular staff can start to take it for granted that everyone is fully informed. To be absolutely honest, the only hospitalisation DS has had in the last decade was because of me getting complacent and taking my eye off the ball a bit. There's a fine line to walk between being hyper alert so that life becomes unbearably stressful, and relaxing a little too much, but it's doable.
It's a very stressful time, but do remember it's very likely that the staff have experience of other children with similar problems. I hope all goes well.