Allergy at nursery

[WorthThe]

DD is 25 months and has an Anaphylactic allergy to dairy in all forms. It's really severe and she can react to trace amount and contact. It's been a bloody nightmare to tell you the truth.

She's starting at nursery soon and I'm incredibly anxious but think it's best for her. We've found a nursery we feel we can trust and the staff seem really switched on.

Even so, I've heard horror stories of kids being given the wrong food or milk when at nursery and DD is still too young to know to say "No".

I've had a t-shirt made up for the first day that says "Milk Allergy" in big pink letters. I was chuffed at the idea and think it's good for the staff (all 12 of them!) to know she's the kid with the allergy when they meet her.

Well, I told DH and he's just said he feels really uncomfortable with her wearing it and he said, and I quote "Jesus, don't do that to her. How could you plaster her medical needs all over the front of her?". I feel awful as I really don't see anything wrong with this.

AIBU to think the t-shirt is a good idea? I'm really questioning myself now.

Imo you can never be too safe. When I worked as a TA we had incidences of allergy and intolerance sufferers being given things they can't have in the lunch hall because the lanyards hadn't been made up yet. Luckily none of those kids were as severe as your DD's allergies but it's still scary having to watch to make sure they don't go downhill while the parent is called.

She can't read. It's of no impact to her. A quick reminder to the staff is particularly helpful if you're in a unit with 20+ 2 year olds running around. I'd stick with the top and make sure the staff are well up to date on epi pen administration

If it will help you relax, then do it. But I agree a bit with your DH.

If it helps, my son is allergic to milk (not as serious as yours though) at his nursery they were amazing with allergies.

In the classroom and kitchen they had pictures of all the children with dietary needs.

Dietary needs were served on a particular coloured plate and from the first day my son was taught to only eat food off his plate. He had a special placemat as well. He was taught to sit at that place and staff knew to match the plate colour to the placemat colour.

They really worked so hard to make sure he never accidentally ate any milk.

It also helped my son to understand his allergy and how to stay safe. We taught him to not eat anything before checking with us first and he still does this now.

Yes I was thinking along the same lines. My son has a cows milk protein allergy. No it's not good for him to be given a biscuit or a bar of chocolate or whatever but he isn't going to become seriously ill. I'm sure you have but it needs to make explicitly clear that this is different. Good luck, I'm sure the staff will be fab and your daughter will have a great time.

I know it's not the point of your post but how would this even work at a nursery? My toddler isn't in the baby room but milk is her favourite drink and she generally comes in a bit milky from home and drinks milk a lot at nursery throughout the day, she hasn't yet got used to a cup so it goes everywhere a lot. The kids give each other hugs all the time and share toys. I just don't understand how a dairy allergy like this would work in a nursery setting. Have they confirmed to you how they plan to keep your DC safe?

I would be more concerned that staff are trained in dealing with anaphylactic episode.my place of work has one child with multiple allergies and every staff member has been epi pen trained. Everyone is vigilant and staff check with key workers before giving food.
Check kitchen know allergy they should have it flagged up .

I work in the office of a large nursery. I'm the person who deals with the allergies/medications and food orders for caterers. Approx 15% of our children have allergies or intolerances and dairy is the most common at the moment. There is regular communication between myself, families and playroom workers.

We take it very seriously and I would hope any reputable early years establishment would be the same Perhaps a phone call or meeting with nursery manager/playroom supervisor will set your mind at ease? Tbh the t-shirt would probably just give the workers a funny story to discuss with each other in lunch breaks.

I think the t-shirt is a great idea and I would have her wear it every day, not just the first day. You never know when they'll have agency staff in or staff from another room covering etc.

But if she has a dairy allergy will a t-shirt saying milk allergy help? Surely, they need to know it's all dairy.

(If you don't need to send her to nursery I'd personally wait until she's 3 and much more aware of how she can keep herself safe.)

I think shes young enough that t shirt wont be an issue among peers. It would be different if she was 3 or 4

I'm an ex nursery practitioner and while I can see where you are coming from with the T-shirt idea I don't think it's really necessary. All of the nursery staff will (should) be trained and aware of your daughter and her allergy prior to her starting (at least we always were) even if she is not a child in their room and should have regular refresher training.
Allergies are a really common thing in childcare settings so they should be well experienced in how to deal with it all and prevent her from coming into contact with her allergen.

As much as the t-shirt seems OTT if it meant I knew my child was safe I'd do the same.

My sister worked in a nursery with a child who had similar allergies and they were amazing. One time a kid took a dairy snack into the play area and the whole place was deep cleaned that night.

Make sure the nursery tell you all the plans they have in place so all staff will know, they should be doing a risk assessment etc.

Such helpful replies, with a few things I haven't yet thought of, thank you.

It's especially helpful to hear from those who've been in a similar position or who've worked in nurseries / catering.

And thank you for the supportive comments, it means more than you know.

@NuffSaidSam Well noticed! The t-shirt does actually say "dairy" allergy and there are a few pictures around it (a milk bottle, cheese slice and muffin). I'm not sure why I wrote "milk allergy" in the OP.

@Nutellachurro But I'd rather be the whacko mum than "that poor mum whose little girl passed away". It sounds dramatic but that's life with a severe allergy. However I still appreciate your comment because it's true that people will judge me and her and I need yo be prepared for this.

I've definitely communicated to staff that it's a life threatening allergy, but these comments are a good reminder that I'm going to really have to hammer it home.

I think you shouldn’t be sending your daughter to a nursery where the t-shirt is needed and from what you’ve said it really doesn’t sound like you are, I 100% understand why you would want to on her first day or days that there are agency/new staff.

If I was a staff member I’d totally understand, sending your DC to nursery is hard enough and you have this extra pressure. I do understand what your husband is saying but allergies do need to be known about. While it could be argued this is possibly more about you being reassured than a needed safety measure (as the nursery will have their processes in place) it’s justified to allow your daughter to have a stress free start as possible to nursery so it is about her wellbeing as well, if your stress is reduced so will hers.

I hope she settles into nursery well!

Sorry I’m not sure my post reads well! I mean it sounds like you are really confident nursery will manage her allergy safely and you don’t need to send her in a T-shirt but I understand why you want to!

The issue is unless she wears this every day it will be hard to ever 'relax' about it

I'd be mainly worried about seeming completely nuts

And also I'd be concerned about getting too comfortable and letting my guard down

As PP mentioned, bank staff etc. might not see her in the first week etc. and not realise

Thank you @Oinkypig that's what I got from it!

@nutellachurro I think I've settled on just the first day because then at least I'm happy everyone knows who she is, as they'll presumably have been told about "the girl with the allergy". That way, even if there are new staff one day, there will be someone there who's seen the t-shirt.

What about it seems so "completely nuts" to you? Genuine question. It's a colourful t-shirt with words and pictures that only staff know the meaning of. It won't upset DD or the other kids.

If she was older I'd use a lanyard (choking hazard) or bracelet (could fall off), so a tshirt just seems sensible at her age.

@WorthThe

It's nuts on many fronts

Firstly, I agree with Pp about it being very similar to those dog harnesses saying 'not friendly' or 'approach with caution

Secondly you'll be viewed as highly strung, which is understandable but when it comes to working with professionals looking after your children you don't want a reputation for being 'that' parent. Shit sticks unfortunately.

It could also hamper potential friendships in nursery. I'd definitely never invite the child who was sent in with a massive 'milk allergies' sign on her top over, as it's clear the parents are worriers, which is the same view some if not all of the staff will think (linked to point 2)

It's also slightly pointless to only do it for the first week.

I wouldn't care what anyone thought, this is her life at risk and I would be doing anything to keep her safe.

I would use your tshirt on the first day and then have a nursery uniform for her going forward, so that she is always wearing a pink tshirt and has plaits etc. That way new staff can identify her quickly and easily even if they cant remember her name. When you have just a few adults managing a room full of dc who cant yet talk and one who has a life threatening condition, normal rules dont apply. Safety first.

I think the t-shirt is a great idea. Yep, you wouldn't want to plaster most medical needs on one, but when a simple error could kill her I would think that for her first day/few days when the staff don't necessarily know her it is a sensible idea

I think it’s a great idea considering the severity of her allergy and her age. If the kids were old enough to read I’d say a definite no, but in this case, go for it.

Yes do it. Especially while she's new

I think the t-shirt is a good idea. Of course you are going to worry and be anxious, it's a possibly life threatening thing which involves your child. Plus I'm sure you have already spoken to the nursery in depth and read their allergy procedures etc. This is just an added protection, and why not? Your child is the most precious thing to you!

I wouldn't care what anyone thought, and if a parent wanted to avoid me or label me as a worrier (as mentioned by pp) because of it then I also wouldn't care. I'd hope to make friends who are more sympathetic to how worrying a serious life threatening allergy can be. I've had a serious allergic reaction (luckily there was a Dr very nearby) and my son has allergies, he's still little, I'm hoping he will grow out of them but if not I will be worried about him going to nursery too.

The nursery will have a solid allergy risk assess but there is no harm in being extra careful.

When you have a child that could go into anaphylaxis you mainly worry about their health not what other people think. You learn to live with it but it's terrifying handing them over. OP is safeguarding her child as best as she can, that's not acting nuts

@HappyMeal564

It doesn't matter the reality

Perception is key, she'll be known as the difficult parent and tbh only using it for a week is pointless

Same allergy situation here, my sons nursery had a daily sheet of children who were in, if there was a child with an allergy that day all staff were briefed and given silicone wrist bands with the childs name and allergen on, obviously some days there was more than one wrist band.

Personally I provided all of my sons food, drinks, cups, plates etc as it was one less thing for me to be worried about.

I personally wouldn’t do the t-shirt as they will become recognisable by the teacher, so when its gone you’re losing that layer of security as they’re no longer showing their most identifiable feature, so more likely to be ‘lost in the crowd’.