Allergy at nursery

[WorthThe]

DD is 25 months and has an Anaphylactic allergy to dairy in all forms. It's really severe and she can react to trace amount and contact. It's been a bloody nightmare to tell you the truth.

She's starting at nursery soon and I'm incredibly anxious but think it's best for her. We've found a nursery we feel we can trust and the staff seem really switched on.

Even so, I've heard horror stories of kids being given the wrong food or milk when at nursery and DD is still too young to know to say "No".

I've had a t-shirt made up for the first day that says "Milk Allergy" in big pink letters. I was chuffed at the idea and think it's good for the staff (all 12 of them!) to know she's the kid with the allergy when they meet her.

Well, I told DH and he's just said he feels really uncomfortable with her wearing it and he said, and I quote "Jesus, don't do that to her. How could you plaster her medical needs all over the front of her?". I feel awful as I really don't see anything wrong with this.

AIBU to think the t-shirt is a good idea? I'm really questioning myself now.

I'd rather be known as the anxious parent than my child be, you know, dead.

@WorthThe I totally understand your concerns. My DS has been attending nursery since the same age as you, and his nursery are brilliant. Please talk to them to understand their processes and risk assessments.

ours has a ‘red plate’ system for allergies and they cook all foods separately. The food is then served away from other food and a key worker physically sits with our DS so that he can’t share food from other children's plates. We feel so reassured but it gave me reassurance asking the questions and understanding the measures they take.

you also need to understand their procedure in case the worst does happen and she does have a reaction, but hopefully this won’t happen. X

@nutellachurro she won't be seen as difficult. She'll be seen as a concerned parent. And if someone does think she's difficult, who cares, she's looking out for her child. Perhaps you don't have a child with life threatening allergies, if you don't I get that it's harder to get your head around until you're in it and living it

Ps, I think the t-shirt is a fab idea! As you say, you can never be too careful. Good luck OP x

I don't see the harm in sending her in wearing that shirt on the first day, when the staff don't know who she is yet. She and her peers are too young to read/understand the shirt, so it's fine. It's like going in for an operation to have your right leg cut off and writing on your left leg in a sharpie "NOT THIS ONE." Shouldn't need to do it, but it makes you feel better, and it doesn't make anything worse, so why not?

You'd be mad to do it on the first day of school when the children are more aware of everything, but for 25 months old? Sure.

I have allergies too, and I hate people talking about my allergies, but if my parents had done something like this before I was of the age of remembering stuff, it wouldn't have bothered me. Kids get bullied in school, not nursery, and a contact dairy allergy in a nursery sounds like a nightmare scenario, TBH. I see nothing wrong in trying to make it easier for everyone.

I do get your thinking. It's really hard to manage severe allergies, not helped by the sheer number of minor intolerances (or just parental preferences) they are dealing with. 40% of the kids at the nursery I was a trustee of had allergies on paper but most weren't serious and their parents didn't exclude the ingredient (eg sending in commercial birthday cake despite supposedly being dairy free) this I felt made the staff less vigilant, they needed to be reminded that some of the kids had life threatening allergies. We didn't have any incidences of needing an epipen whilst I was a trustee but I know they did subsequently when a youngster shared food they shouldn't.

I think this is a fantastic idea. I work in a preschool and have worked with children with severe allergies in the past. The staff, knowing they have a child with such a severe allergy in their care, will be on high alert about it but mistakes can still be made and when a mistake can cost a life, there's no reason to not be proactive about it.

I promise no one at my preschool would consider you "that parent".

Yes, as PPs have said I give Zero Shits about seeming anxious or highly strung. I'm understandably both anxious and highly strung given the situation.

If DD misses out on a party invite because of this, that's not a party we'd have wanted to go to anyway.

That's not the issue here.

I'm relieved to see most people think the t-shirt us a good idea and will be forging ahead with it!

@Simonjt Really valid point about the loss of security when the t-shirt is off and I'll have to look into it. I may do a stitched on warning, as PP suggested.

Even if some think it’s a little OTT I would go for it and embrace it. Her peers can’t read it so it’s not going to make anyone pick on her. I was OTT with my youngest (not allergy but other medical issues) and my DH always said I was worrying over nothing but as it turned out my being overly cautious 100% saved her life and I have no regrets. Now she’s at school I do try and make sure I don’t isolate her from her peers but as a baby/toddler who cares! Put the t shirt on.

A parent where I worked listed her son as allergic to chocolate because she didn't want him to eat chocolate. We don't serve meals and snacks are fruit and veg-based - we weren't exactly handing out mini mars bars at snack time! We had to take it extremely seriously though and so if a child at his lunch table had a chocolate-based treat, they had to be separated. It wasn't much fun for the boy in question. Some people just don't think.

I think it's a good idea and if it brings you comfort then why not. The other children won't judge!
I also like the idea of PP with the sewn on allergy badge.

I think they shirt is a great idea and if I saw a child wearing one at nursery I wouldn't think their parent is "whacko" but caring and thoughtful.

The other children won't know what it says and staff will have been briefed on her allergy.

As a mother of a toddler with various allergies I can see why you're doing it.

DD has had her allergy foods given to her twice at nursery! Lucky for them she's not anaphylactic but she does still have a severe reaction of instant vomiting, rashes and hives all over.

It's an anxious experience OP, so I feel your pain. I would personally really try to drive it home to them that it is an incredibly severe allergy. You have to be harsh and on it, even if it makes you unpopular at times I have found. People often don't realise that an allergy isn't just a preference. I've had numerous people treat it lightly, and have had to be sharp with nursery when they've messed up a second time after I have given clear information.

Hi Op,

I’ve worked in nurseries in the past.

Definitely put her in the Tshirt, in fact buy a few variations of it and make it her uniform at least for the first few weeks / months depending on how often she goes
It is genius and the most important thing is that everyone knows ; children will learn as they go through nursery that ‘X can’t have dairy’ and it will become their norm, as it should. This will just be treated as fact and nothing more, as most things are by children

Its life threatening, not a dietary preference & whilst all good nurseries have proper policies and risk assessments in place, the people working in them are human and humans make mistakes.
Anything to help prevent that happening can only be a good thing

I hope she settles in and has a great time

I'm sure you have already thought of this but could you ask the nursery to not allow milk on the days your DD is in? My twins didn't go to nursery (so maybe it's completely different) but they did go to preschool and a child had a life threatening dairy allergy in their class. On the day he was in there was no dairy in the whole place. The kids were all given oat milk. None of the parents minded given the serious risk to the child.
It's as serious as a nut allergy and nuts aren't allowed in any school or nursery setting

But failing that I'd definitely put her in the t shirt. And then make sure she has a bracelet or something after that. Good luck. I'd be very nervous too.

Please don’t do this. That’s really not good for your child.
I work in a really good nursery and if it’s anything like mine plans will already be in place, food will be on colour coded plates and staff will care.

I think wearing the tshirt for the first few weeks isn’t a bad idea. After that I would maybe calm it down. Have you got an epi pen or allergy medication etc? Then you can pop it in a bag like this so it’s on show and another reminder that it’s a tshirt?

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1250080319/personalised-allergy-bag-personalised?gbraid=0AAAAADutTMfkrYPlzKgqmc1ZXU0u6cPGJ&gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_e-bags_and_purses-cosmetic_and_toiletry_storage-other&utm_custom1=k_CjwKCAjwvNaYBhA3EiwACgndgueI2VLVETVP8tIFqckvh8HgnN13OqW67k3Fk10_Fcay98fz5N9F1hoCOdYQAvD_BwE_k&utm_content=go_12601540967_119967007636_508728716303_pla-315187808119_m__1250080319engb_501897690&utm_custom2=12601540967&gbraid=0AAAAADutTMfkrYPlzKgqmc1ZXU0u6cPGJ&gclid=CjwKCAjwvNaYBhA3EiwACgndgueI2VLVETVP8tIFqckvh8HgnN13OqW67k3Fk10_Fcay98fz5N9F1hoCOdYQAvD_BwE

Uff I find it hard to read comments that imply you are being ott or highly strung - it makes me feel defensive on your behalf!! For what it's worth I don't think you sound highly strung at all. In fact you sound like you are making brave and well thought out choices to give your daughter a childhood that isn't held back. So whst if her T-shirt is a little different

Even if it doesn't end up being necessary the t shirt doesn't sound to me like it could do any harm? She's two - no other kids is going to care. Other parents who think you are crazy for watching out this much are not people you need your life..and if nursery think you are gonna be 'that' parent then honestly they may not be the right nursery in that case.

Perhaps you can give the staff a heads up of your idea when you meet them..just say I thought it might be easier for you guys if she wore this T-Shirt just for the first day..what do you guys think? I'd definitely check with them what measures they have in place to make sure all new or temporary staff are familiar with her needs.

Good luck!

.

Do you know what, it doesn't matter what the Op does, how laid back she is, how she communicates her child's LIFE THREATENING allergies, some other people will view her as being nuts. That's the life of a mum with a child with allergies unfortunately - not helped by popular culture that portrays kids with inhalers, epipens, allergies as some how weak and attention seeking, and paints the mums as the over protective helicopter parent.

If a t shirt helps keep her child safe who cares if she's seen as 'that parent' or 'highly strung', the Op knows she's going to be perceived as that regardless.

The Op knows how one small mistake or slip up could cost her child her life, she's no doubt seen that with her own eyes. Someone rolling their eyes at her behind her back is not going to matter to the Op because the stakes are so high.

I work in child care. At an old place we had a child who was anaphylactic to dairy DM me for questions.

When I was a young nursery nurse I once gave a dairy-free child milk.

Luckily it was a child with an 'allergy' rather than actually allergic.

I think the t-shirt sounds like a good idea.

When parents are 'highly strung' over important things like their child's health or safety, or getting appropriate care for SEN - it focuses the staff's attention. The nursery is more careful in dealing with a child/parent who's going to kick off if things aren't right.

In a good nursery you really won't need the t shirt. Make sure you have one that is used to dealing with it. There's a really high rate of cmpa under the age of five now - most nurseries will be handling at least one other child.
My daughter both have cmpa and egg allergy and carry epi pens. We've only had one slip up and it was handled really well, piriton was given within seconds of exposure and the reaction was limited to hives.
I know it's scary letting you. But when she's older eg school a t shirt like that isn't an option. You need to make sure your comfortable that the nursery you've chosen has proper protocols in place.
Hang in there. It is a nightmare. But it gets easier (or you get used to it anyway).
Check our The Allergy Team, they have some great advice on mental health