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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bailing on kids party last minute

63 replies

Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 11:25

I'm going to try to keep this brief but wondering what others would make of this situation and if I'm being reasonable for STILL feeling abit sensitive about what happened over the weekend ...

My son turned 4 last week and had a birthday party in the park on Saturday. Quite small party, 6 kids, all good friends.
We sent the invite out one month in advance. Everyone said they'd come.

My "friend"- who also has a son whom mine is bffs with- responded to my reminder text mid week telling me she'd forgotten the party.

Pretty annoying as first of all, why am I sending reminder texts to an adult, and also we ALWAYS go to every one of their birthday parties. For context, this was the first friends invited birthday party my sons had (we usually just do family things)!

Anyway, after a full day she replies to say they'll be there. Friday night she texts again to say bad news- she has to work in the morning and they can't come to the party.

Now, if I'd known they weren't attending earlier, I could of invited someone else. Also, I'd told my son his best mate was going to be there so he was disappointed.

Day of the party, another friend cancelled with a flimsy excuse. Honestly, who does that to a kid?

My son felt these absences as the group was small to begin with, everyone accepted hence why I felt confident 6 kids would turn up and we planned accordingly.

My sons bff has his own birthday party this weekend. Honestly feel pissed off to see my "friend" but we will probably go for the sake of my son then bin off this friendship with the mum afterwards. Anyone else relate? Am I being too sensitive to be really annoyed with these adults cancelling so last minute?

Ugh

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 05/09/2022 11:49

YABVU.
You need to chill. Shit happens.
Your son is 4, did he have a good time at his party? That's the main thing.
Don't do tit for tat.

ZekeZeke · 05/09/2022 11:50

And stop with the BFF. He is 4 ffs.

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2022 11:53

They haven't been old enough to be friends for that long so it's likely they're not BFFs. My children are primary age and can barely remember their best friends from nursery age.

These things happen- sometimes life gets in the way. It's not great that they cancelled but it happens with parties. It gets worse when they're school age- some people just don't reply at all, things get forgotten etc.

10HailMarys · 05/09/2022 11:54

There are lots of reasons that people might need to cancel something last minute, and everyone forgets things occasionally. YABU. It's petty and childish to do stupid tit for tat stuff like this and it's precious of you to assume that just because your child's birthday is the most important thing in the world to you, it has to be the most important thing in the world to everyone else too.

hopeishere · 05/09/2022 11:56

It is annoying. I was very stressed when people dropped out of DS1's first party as he was excited about it and wanted lots of people there.

Hopefully everyone still had a good time.

Bananarama21 · 05/09/2022 11:57

Tbh it didn't cost you because it a party in the park so I don't understand why you said you would have invited someone else. Your son had fun.

Bananarama21 · 05/09/2022 11:59

Was the weather poor by any chance?

ErrolTheDragon · 05/09/2022 12:00

It's certainly not unreasonable you're annoyed at being rather messed around. But these things happen, other kids parties aren't the be all and end all (probably especially if they are in the holiday periods). Also, I think so many parties nowadays are quite large that each person may not realise it matters much if their own kid shows up or not.

Adults should have better manners but you need to take this sort of thing in your stride and set your DCs expectations in future that sometimes not everyone can show up

girlmom21 · 05/09/2022 12:01

I don't get why people say they can't have best friends at 4. Of course they can. Yeah probably not BFF's but absolutely best friends.

It's shit that people cancelled. She'd have known she was going to have work and whoever was looking after him could have brought him. Why didn't you offer to pick him up? Maybe that's what she was hinting at?

What was the second friends excuse?

WhatNoRaisins · 05/09/2022 12:02

I think try to focus your time and efforts on the people who add to your life rather than focussing your annoyance on those that let you down.

Narcheska · 05/09/2022 12:03

It’s shit YANBU to be out out they cancelled last minute especially as you always put in effort for them

I will say tho my experience of kids parties it’s pretty common for people not to rsvp or drop out last minute so going forward just steel yourself to the idea

SiblingDespair · 05/09/2022 12:04

It is annoying…. But you do need to get used to it because it happens a lot!

I always tell my dc that “hopefully X is coming” or “x number of people are hoping to come” and remind them that sometimes things don’t go as planned, people get ill or circumstances change.

I think if you prepare them that people may not come then they accept it easier and it’s a bonus if they all turn up.

ChicCroissant · 05/09/2022 12:05

Yes, it is annoying when people cancel last minute.

But there is something about this that comes across as you being friends with the adults concerned and wanting them there for that reason - you talk about ending the friendship with the mum after their party at the weekend - so that may be why you are not getting much sympathy here, OP.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/09/2022 12:06

I would be annoyed too, but please don't blow this out of proportion. At every single one of DS(7)'s birthday parties we have lost a handful of attendees at short notice, for a range of reasons. DS has never cared as long as he gets cake, and it definitely is not worth falling out with people over.

vroom321 · 05/09/2022 12:08

What were the plans? They probably didn't fancy sitting in a park for two hours? I think if you were paying per head it might be different?

NoDairyNoProblem · 05/09/2022 12:09

Bananarama21 · 05/09/2022 11:57

Tbh it didn't cost you because it a party in the park so I don't understand why you said you would have invited someone else. Your son had fun.

This.

Yes it’s crap when people drop out last minute but you could have asked someone else regardless.

KosherDill · 05/09/2022 12:12

Why would your son be upset at the absences unless someone planted in his mind the seeds of umbrage?

This is another good example of why birthdays should be family-only for young kids. Expecting people to revolve their lives around a fete for a kid who won't even remember it is so tiresome.

Original poster
Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 12:16

No it was nice weather all weekend.

I know it was a free party but does that remove the requirement for manners? That's quite an assumption there that we have the money to afford anything else. Typical mn responses, only paid parties are valid...

My son definitely has best friends, he's always banging on about them. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who constantly hears mention of best friends.

Yes, the mum is my friend first, but our sons became super close.

Totally understand valid reasons not to attend, if you're sick or give a decent amount of notice for cancelling but made up excuses last minute? No, not the best.

SO, thanks everyone for your replies- the ones who understand anyway! I'll just have to send invites to a wider group next time and prepare myself for a 33% non attendance rate!
I won't be telling me son in future either who is/isn't attending to save on the disappointment.

OP posts:
GoAround · 05/09/2022 12:17

Lesson learned, because there’s always one that does this! That’s why I tend to do family only, then move on to whole class parties. When you’ve got a big gaggle it then isn’t a big deal that someone has a flaky excuse, someone else is ridiculously late etc. It’s just a waste of energy to get hung up on it.

ZekeZeke · 05/09/2022 12:19

Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 12:16

No it was nice weather all weekend.

I know it was a free party but does that remove the requirement for manners? That's quite an assumption there that we have the money to afford anything else. Typical mn responses, only paid parties are valid...

My son definitely has best friends, he's always banging on about them. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who constantly hears mention of best friends.

Yes, the mum is my friend first, but our sons became super close.

Totally understand valid reasons not to attend, if you're sick or give a decent amount of notice for cancelling but made up excuses last minute? No, not the best.

SO, thanks everyone for your replies- the ones who understand anyway! I'll just have to send invites to a wider group next time and prepare myself for a 33% non attendance rate!
I won't be telling me son in future either who is/isn't attending to save on the disappointment.

So, you are only thanking people who agreed with you!
Nice

CarmenBizet · 05/09/2022 12:21

YANBU. So fucking rude. I don’t allow people who treat others like that in my life. That’d be the last time I extend an invitation to them. Sorry this happened OP.

Original poster
Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 12:21

Are you ok ZekeZeke?!

OP posts:
BadNomad · 05/09/2022 12:29

Rude would be not turning up. She and the other cancelation did have the manners to let you know, even if you don't believe their excuses were good enough. These things will happen. Some people have a lot going on in their lives. A 4-year-old's birthday party will be low down on most people's priorities.

WoooahNelly · 05/09/2022 12:34

Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 12:21

Are you ok ZekeZeke?!

@Fearnecuptea you forgot the 'hun' at the end

Mamamia7962 · 05/09/2022 12:38

I can see how you would find this annoying especially as it was a small party so more obvious if children couldn't come.

Parties in the summer holidays are always difficult because you're not at the school gate to remind people and sometimes parents get a better offer, ie being asked by family if they want to go away last minute etc.

I have a child whose birthday falls in the summer holidays. I used to invite quite a few children because it was inevitable that some always dropped out. Some didn't bother to reply, I even had one parent who phoned me the morning of one party to say her child would definitely be there and confirm times etc, then didn't turn up. She never did offer an explanation why.

As my child got older we found it much easier and more enjoyable to take them and a friend out for the day and they much preferred this option.