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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bailing on kids party last minute

63 replies

Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 11:25

I'm going to try to keep this brief but wondering what others would make of this situation and if I'm being reasonable for STILL feeling abit sensitive about what happened over the weekend ...

My son turned 4 last week and had a birthday party in the park on Saturday. Quite small party, 6 kids, all good friends.
We sent the invite out one month in advance. Everyone said they'd come.

My "friend"- who also has a son whom mine is bffs with- responded to my reminder text mid week telling me she'd forgotten the party.

Pretty annoying as first of all, why am I sending reminder texts to an adult, and also we ALWAYS go to every one of their birthday parties. For context, this was the first friends invited birthday party my sons had (we usually just do family things)!

Anyway, after a full day she replies to say they'll be there. Friday night she texts again to say bad news- she has to work in the morning and they can't come to the party.

Now, if I'd known they weren't attending earlier, I could of invited someone else. Also, I'd told my son his best mate was going to be there so he was disappointed.

Day of the party, another friend cancelled with a flimsy excuse. Honestly, who does that to a kid?

My son felt these absences as the group was small to begin with, everyone accepted hence why I felt confident 6 kids would turn up and we planned accordingly.

My sons bff has his own birthday party this weekend. Honestly feel pissed off to see my "friend" but we will probably go for the sake of my son then bin off this friendship with the mum afterwards. Anyone else relate? Am I being too sensitive to be really annoyed with these adults cancelling so last minute?

Ugh

OP posts:
Milkand2sugarsplease · 05/09/2022 12:38

9years of children's parties has taught me that it's quite usual for a few drop outs along the way - some notified, others with no communication whatsoever. It's a PITA at the time but it's just one of those things and by the end of the party it's just not worth holding grudges about. At some point along the road of children's parties, there'll be one you need to pull out of for one reason or another.

ZekeZeke · 05/09/2022 12:39

WoooahNelly · 05/09/2022 12:34

@Fearnecuptea you forgot the 'hun' at the end

Show quote history

😂

Catapultaway · 05/09/2022 12:39

I don't get it, if it's a free party in the park why would notice have gave you time to invite someone else? Why wouldn't you have invited them in the first place.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2022 12:52

Party in the park? Surely it would have been better to invite 10 kids plus in case of drop outs. Children only eat a tiny amount of food at that age so I’m wondering why this wasn’t an option as the party venue was free. Tbh as it was a ‘free’ party, wasn’t it more of a meet up in the park? That’s less formal and from my thinking therefore seems more optional to drop out at the last minute. As for BFF, it’s unlikely your boys will be besties forever. They’re not even school age yet.

shazzybazzy34 · 05/09/2022 13:20

If it was a meetup at the park why would you only invite 6? I don't get that?

BuzzBuzzBuzzLightyearToTheRescue · 05/09/2022 13:25

Don’t make a thing of it.

two people didn’t show up to my daughters 5th birthday party. It wasn’t a big party and she did notice they were missing. She came to me during the party and asked why they weren’t there. I was absolutely breezy about it, oh I guess they must have just forgotten, that happens sometimes sort of thing. She didn’t mention it again and got on with enjoying her party.

if I had made out like it was something to be annoyed or upset about, she would have felt it and gone on and on about it for days.

They learn how to react to things from you

Soubriquet · 05/09/2022 13:28

We had this at my dad’s 4th birthday.

I invited 6 kids to a soft play party. Out of six….only one turned up. The other two were family. The excuses they gave was pathetic.

Luckily dd was having too much fun to care really.

Credit to the soft play though, they gave me 5 vouchers for dd to come and have free sessions to make up for the no shows.

shazzybazzy34 · 05/09/2022 13:29

Soubriquet · 05/09/2022 13:28

We had this at my dad’s 4th birthday.

I invited 6 kids to a soft play party. Out of six….only one turned up. The other two were family. The excuses they gave was pathetic.

Luckily dd was having too much fun to care really.

Credit to the soft play though, they gave me 5 vouchers for dd to come and have free sessions to make up for the no shows.

Awhh now that is shit, I can totally understand you being pissed off at that. Fair play to the soft play centre though!

Marvellousmadness · 05/09/2022 13:46

You are only thinking people who agreed with you hahha

Ok op time to get a grip
This is life
People cancel last minute
This is why you invite more people cuz 2 or 3 end up cancelling for whatever reason

If you wanna be petty you'll repay your friend with cancelling on the night before her kids party too 🤣

Stop saying bff.

BelleMarionette · 05/09/2022 13:52

This is pretty standard, and why I take RSVPs to be a guide only, and never do pay per child activities.

In future, you need to invite more children than you want to have, to allow for last minute drop outs.

One year I had around 50% not turn up, which was really galling. No contact either from the no shows, they just forgot.

ChocolateCroissantCafe · 05/09/2022 13:56

Hopefully they will forget soon enough or at least, remember but it won't stop their enjoyment. It's a shame when you get a few last minute drop outs on a small party though, at any age. My dc certainly had best friends at 4 and earlier, and is still good friends with them years later despite their social circles widening.

Original poster
Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 14:12

BelleMarionette · 05/09/2022 13:52

This is pretty standard, and why I take RSVPs to be a guide only, and never do pay per child activities.

In future, you need to invite more children than you want to have, to allow for last minute drop outs.

One year I had around 50% not turn up, which was really galling. No contact either from the no shows, they just forgot.

God 50%, I should count myself lucky by comparison!

Next year I'm just going to go the other way and invite the whole class.

OP posts:
SheeWeee · 05/09/2022 14:16

CarmenBizet · 05/09/2022 12:21

YANBU. So fucking rude. I don’t allow people who treat others like that in my life. That’d be the last time I extend an invitation to them. Sorry this happened OP.

This is so may people don't have any friends. This kind of self absorbed bullshit.

MrsToadflax · 05/09/2022 14:19

OP I have found that children's parties can be a whole other level of hell! I am someone that keeps our commitments once they are made. Only cancelling if DC are genuinely ill and I assumed everyone was the same. Having held a few parties now, I've learnt people often can't be arsed, don't think about the impact on the birthday child or the money you've spent on food, party bags etc. The amount of last minute messages I had asking can they bring a sibling (invites clearly said no siblings), can they come later, can they check who else is coming to make sure their child has friends going etc! Honestly, I've been astounded, as I never message the organiser again once I've agreed to go. If I know it's not our kind of party I immediately decline, so the host can invite others or doesn't spend money on party bag gifts etc. Just put it down to experience and I agree, keep things vague with your DC to avoid disappointment.

Mountainhike · 05/09/2022 14:19

Similar thing happened to me. Invited 7 kids . Everyone said they were coming, 2 didn’t show up. It was in a soft play centre with food after, booked and paid for by me.

girl A decided at the last minute that she didn’t want to go to my DD party.Her mum rang her friends mum to let girl B know. Girl B was already on route to the party, but then decided she wouldn’t go either if girl A wasn’t going, so they turned the car around and went home.

Girl B’s mum explained & apologised on Monday morning at the school gates. I saw girl A’s mum in the afternoon. Said she would’ve let me know if only she had time. She didn’t realise I’d been talking to girl Bs mum.

(She had plenty of time to call girl Bs mum and put her off coming)

The thing is My DD is such a sweet, lovely girl and is really friendly with both girls. They would’ve been made very welcome and would’ve had loads of fun If they had come. I felt really sad for my DD.

familyissues12345 · 05/09/2022 14:20

My son's best mate at 4 is still his best mate at nearly 14! Smile

However, I think you're being a bit unreasonable, it probably couldn't be helped that she was now working. Could you have offered to look after her son whilst she worked so he could still attend?

GreenGreenGrassBlue · 05/09/2022 14:22

#chill

melj1213 · 05/09/2022 14:26

I think YABU - why only invite 6 people in the first place if it was so important for nobody to drop out? It was a party in the park not a £40per head activity so it's not like it would have cost significantly more if you'd invited 10-12 kids instead of just 6.

As for your friend, there's any number of situations that could have meant a last minute schedule change at work - someone could have called on sick, she could have totally forgotten about a shift swap she had agreed to until the night before when someone said something to her and reminded her (I work in retail and the summer holidays are rife with people swapping shifts to cover shortfalls in childcare so supervisors will often message/remind people the day before any swapped shifts so they don't just not turn up), there could have been a miscommunication of the schedule etc - which meant she was relying on someone else for childcare and then probably didn't want to have to impose further by having them have to go to a birthday party too.

When you knew she was working, did you offer to pick her kid up so they could still attend? If not then you can't complain that she didn't put your kids party as the priority over her own family's need.

darkbluenails · 05/09/2022 14:53

Years ago my friend and her little girl didn't turn up to my sons birthday party. When I asked why they hadn't made it, she said they say yes to every invitation then decide on the day whether they'll go or not. Totally bizarre!

shazzybazzy34 · 05/09/2022 15:11

Mountainhike · 05/09/2022 14:19

Similar thing happened to me. Invited 7 kids . Everyone said they were coming, 2 didn’t show up. It was in a soft play centre with food after, booked and paid for by me.

girl A decided at the last minute that she didn’t want to go to my DD party.Her mum rang her friends mum to let girl B know. Girl B was already on route to the party, but then decided she wouldn’t go either if girl A wasn’t going, so they turned the car around and went home.

Girl B’s mum explained & apologised on Monday morning at the school gates. I saw girl A’s mum in the afternoon. Said she would’ve let me know if only she had time. She didn’t realise I’d been talking to girl Bs mum.

(She had plenty of time to call girl Bs mum and put her off coming)

The thing is My DD is such a sweet, lovely girl and is really friendly with both girls. They would’ve been made very welcome and would’ve had loads of fun If they had come. I felt really sad for my DD.

That is bloody lousy.

sweetsalted · 05/09/2022 15:15

yabu, shit happens, things pop up. Why did you only invite 6 to a free park party?

Ameanstreakamilewide · 05/09/2022 15:51

I hate organising kids parties.

I invited half a dozen kids from my son's class to his recent birthday party and only 1 parent actually responded.

How bloody rude is that??

Ameanstreakamilewide · 05/09/2022 15:55

sweetsalted · 05/09/2022 15:15

yabu, shit happens, things pop up. Why did you only invite 6 to a free park party?

That's plainly not the point. Should the OP have hedged her bets and invited more kids?
She obviously invited the children that her son prefers.

Original poster
Fearnecuptea · 05/09/2022 15:57

sweetsalted · 05/09/2022 15:15

yabu, shit happens, things pop up. Why did you only invite 6 to a free park party?

I'm wondering the same thing now!

OP posts:
Jules912 · 05/09/2022 15:58

DD's last party 2 people dropped out on the day, one had norovirus, the other had Covid. Even though it was pay per child I was quite happy they didn't come!
Far less ideal was the party of DS's when I had several people who hadn't RSVP'd plus a couple of siblings turn up!

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