To hate spending time with my almost two year old because he WON’T EAT?

[Hatemealtimes]

I know people will make suggestions and I don’t think there’s one I haven’t tried, making meal times relaxed and sociable, trying a variety of foods, even giving up on meal times and just a variety of healthy snacks. Booster seat, own table and chairs, high chair.

Nope. Getting nowhere. The mystery continues when he seems to eat really well at nursery.

He is looking rather thin.

I don’t know what to do.

If you're throwing it all away then you're putting too much on his plate OP. If he's full of beans he's fine. I like the idea of a walk and a picnic in the buggy.

My sister used to pile her plate with extra food and let my nephew help himself from the plate, that worked well.

Sorry, posted too soon, a starving child is not full of beans, they are listless, not growing, and actually losing weight.
If your son is growing, healthy, and not losing weight they are fine, just going through a phase of not eating much. You can have him checked over by a ped to be sure.

It's much more likely that eating has become so emotionally charged and stressful, or that he's exerting control over his body in one of the very few ways toddlers can. And rightly so.

I still think you need to take a step back and try to calm your worries, as all of this will be affecting the way he views food in the future.

Offer him 3 healthy meals a day, don't encourage him to eat more, don't congratulate him for eating, don't berate him for not eating. Sit down with him, enjoy your own food for him to see, ask if he's full, then take away plates. That's it. Healthy snacks a few times a day. That's all you can do.

Start to worry if he gets ill, has no energy, or actually loses weight. And do read ,' My Child Won't Eat'.

Good luck.

Surely your first point of call is to weight the kid before getting so worked up over his food intake

You could be worrying about nothing

I wonder if you are almost over-thinking it and your anxiety is rubbing off on him?

It sounds like you have tried a million different things. Do you think you have a routine, or do you keep doing different things that might be confusing him?

At nursery they probably do the same thing every day, like it or lump it.

I think if I were you I would just stick to a routine, whatever that routine is, and let him get used to 'this is how and when we eat at home'. Eventually he will get the idea.

He's probably feeling a bit all over the place and maybe not even sure what's expected. Maybe he just needs consistency, whatever your approach is.

Also I agree with people saying don't worry because he's not starving. Humans aren't wired to let themselves starve. He WILL eat if he really needs to.

Both of mine (especially my daughter) barely ate when they were 2. It really scared me. I felt like they were surviving on thin air. I just couldn't understand where they got their energy from as they were eating so few calories. I took my daughter to the doctor and he said they only worry if a child is "failing to thrive" which means they're not growing properly and are lacking in energy. He saw my daughter who was a little skinny but was tall for her age and absolutely full of beans and had no concerns. He said she was getting all ther nutrients she needed. She's now nearly 12, exceptionally tall, academically bright and just a very healthy girl. She eats really well and I have no concerns. It's very common for toddlers to behave like this and usually it's just a phase.

Have you asked if you can have a meal with him at nursery? You don't ask you don't get!
Just to be an observer, see how it happens

Have you said what he drinks?

This, OP.

You know him best and if you're concerned then see your GP to get him checked over and to get a dietician referral.

In the meantime make sure every meal has at least one "safe" food that you know he will almost 100% eat so that there isn't ever nothing for him, give him his main meal at the same time as a basic dessert such as fruit or yoghurt, and don't comment on how much or how little he eats. Don't stop his milk, he could use the calories and a 2yr old still needs around two cups of milk a day (roughly 16-20oz), introduce a good multivitamin also to cover any deficits.

It is fairly clear from you posts, and even from your title, that you are incredibly anxious about this (understandably, of course!), but what you don't seem to be accepting is that your son will be picking up on this, and this WILL be making him worse. You've said he's full of beans, so illness doesn't seem likely. Does he suffer with lots of colds or his tonsils or anything? That can depress their appetite a bit. Lots of small kids just have tiny appetites, as lots of sensible people here have pointed out, and I bet he can feel your anxiety putting pressure on him to eat and he's rebelling against it.
You need to back right off, quickly. Maybe as suggested before, don't make him have regimented mealtimes, just give him plates of food on the sofa or down where he's playing and go off and do something else. Take yourself out of the situation altogether. Give it a try for a good few weeks.

Definitely agree with the pp saying don't feed infront of the TV, don't start bad habits.

Although I am not saying don’t ask for a dietican appointment they aren’t miracle workers they can’t force a child to eat!

I have 2 kids that won’t eat. The eldest from about 12m used to clamp his mouth shut, dropped centiles, referred to peads etc. I had a food diary and some days it just said things like ‘yogurt lid’’.

Incredibly stressful, miserable, meal times an absolute battle. He’s 4 now, eats most of the time.

Also have a 2 year old. He doesn’t eat either, but I refuse to stress so much this time. He sometimes will go back to a meal if he thinks I can’t see (if the dog doesn’t get there first).

it will be ok-it just doesn’t feel great at the time. X

If asking a question and having loads of experienced parents coming in to share their own experiences and reassure you over a week his intake is fine - is gaslighting.

Then yes it is.

And so are 95% of the threads on MN where other parents try to reassure each other then.

You sound incredibly anxious, defensive and highly strung.

I think you'd be better off seeing the GP for yourself as well as your son if you're worried about him.

And let us know if the GP thinks a child full of energy is undernourished and failing to thrive. If we're all wrong we need to know it.

My ds had periods where he didn't eat.. you are worried he picks up on it.

With my ds i used to take him to McDonalds litterally didn't care if he ate it or not as i didn't think it was nutritionally beneficial.. He would eat eat some more often than not. I think it just showed he picked up on my stress

Another thing i found counter productive was cutting snacks it was like he would just forget about eating.

Another thing i did as a childminder sometimes we hahings children wouldn't eat at home.. eg bread.. send them with bread from my house.. this is cm's bread.. and started eating bread at home. It doesn't always work.. another child ( sensory issues with food ) loved a childs meal at my house. Sent it home.. He threw it across the table- landed on siblings plate and both refused tea.

Yes - what does he eat at nursery? Why does he eat more there? Ask the nursery staff what they do! Beg for tips. Maybe he likes eating with kids his own age? Maybe he's full after nursery so doesn't need as much tea?

But surely if he's full of beans and has energy, then he's getting enough to eat?

Make an appt with your hv and discuss it with them.

As others have said if he is full of beans he is eating enough to tide him over

please don’t worry tho know it’s hard not to

you say he eats at nursery.

any chance you can up his days just for a few weeks or do morning and lunch and pick up after

or get friends and their children over for a play and lunch /tea the days you are home

have meals together. Don’t make a fuss over eating and then when he stops or even if doesn’t eat ask if had enough and take away when you have finished

and get an activity like colouring /sand /jigsaws etx

no drama

children do pick up on parents emotions

Do you know how much he eats at nursery? My DC diary would say "ate chicken, rice, and sweetcorn, had some fruit, had some toast" when really what DC was doing was having a tiny taste of some of it, dropping some onto the floor, and shoving some of it onto other children's plates.

This! I'm not sure how but I would double check. I've definitely known nurseries to exaggerate what's actually been eaten!
I sympathise as my eldest was like this, but it was a sensory thing. As she got older she could explain that she didn't like the sensation of being full so she'd barely eat. How well can your son communicate, can he explain?
You could try a play therapist? I recommend Healing Hearts play therapist on FB, it's not just for things like trauma, play therapy can be useful for this sort of situation too!

As he is fine at nursery but not with you, then the problem is not with food as such.

You say you have tried being calm, then you say you are worried to death. I am just being honest when I say it is likely that he is picking up on your stress. Give him his food and make absolutely NO comment about how much he is eating/ has eaten good or bad. When he is done take it away. No comment AT ALL. This will probably takes months of trying.

Keep a diary as others have said, and speak to HV. I suspect you need to work on staying calm. And do not discuss eating/ food in front of you son AT ALL. Good luck. It sounds stressful and not easy for you.

My 3rd child doesn’t really eat anything at home but has 3 meals a day at nursery 4 days a week and drinks plenty milk at home. I can’t really be bothered to fuss about it - I’ve got too many other things to worry about. He’s not going to starve to death.

My grandmother was a HV so this is old school advice (she’s in her 90’s now), but she always says that instead of thinking of what the child’s eaten over a 24hr period (as we would as adults), think about it over a 2 week period as that’s the period they regulate themselves over. Only relevant for small kids up to about 3 apparently. Good luck, it is stressful.

Agree find our what they actually eat at nursery

as another poster said they say are well or xyz but often on floor or didn’t eat much

Have a DBro who was like this. I remember being told not to comment or watch him eat as it would put him off. He was a skinny thing too. Took him a couple of years to grow out of it. He’s 6” and ravenous now as an adult.

This amount sounds normal to me too. Of course some toddlers eat more but some really do have tiny appetites at that age. First point of call should be the GP or health visitor to get his height and weight measured. If he's normal weight then you may be worrying about nothing. If he's underweight the GP should be able to refer to a dietician.