To hate spending time with my almost two year old because he WON’T EAT?

[Hatemealtimes]

I know people will make suggestions and I don’t think there’s one I haven’t tried, making meal times relaxed and sociable, trying a variety of foods, even giving up on meal times and just a variety of healthy snacks. Booster seat, own table and chairs, high chair.

Nope. Getting nowhere. The mystery continues when he seems to eat really well at nursery.

He is looking rather thin.

I don’t know what to do.

Spread out your focus on what he eats over 7-10 days, not over 24hrs. Ask nursery to keep a running list over a few weeks. It’s really not unusual for a 2 year old to be this fussy.

I know what he has at nursery but he isn’t a fussy eater. I get that, this isn’t fussiness it’s just refusal to eat anything.

Unless he is actually underweight - you would need a doctor to check - don't worry - sone children seem to survive and thrive on very little indeed

Looking rather thin is what children should look like - you should be able to see ribs for example

Usual advice on eating issues in toddlers is look at their food intake over a week, not a day.

So if he eats well at nursery then it’s actually not unusual to have a much lighter intake of food day.

It’s a pattern. Try not to worry. If he genuinely is eating well at nursery, then a day of a few bits of pasta, potato and cereal (carbs) a few bits of banana and peas (fruit/veg) and some sausage (protein) is OK.

My old GP (long gone, bless him) told me & others as first time mums that if our offspring ate a few biccies & drank a glass of squash in a day, it was enough.
I have seven kids & not one of them has starved!
Try to REALLY chill out.. even if you don't say anything, I'm sure your little one can FEEL you staring at him!

Is that true for toddlers though, midge? I don’t know …. I’m probably worrying about nothing! He is very drooly so hoping some of it is teeth. But I do find mealtimes so stressful, will he eat, if so, how much (not much) and then do I hold firm and not offer him anything until next mealtime or not? (Neither have worked.)

I’m not staring at him!

And everyone is insisting that it’s fine because he eats well at nursery - well no, it’s not really, is it?

If you ate nothing for four days and a normal diet for three you’d soon become very thin.

Many people fast and that's exactly what they do and are fine

Is he actually underweight

That's something many are asking and you've not responded to

Is the child actually underweight ?

Perhaps if you provided his age height and weight someone could look it up on the NHS website for you

Unless the child is underweight there is no problem

I don’t know, because we haven’t been able to weigh him. He does look on the slender side but as a PP said children are supposed to look slim. It’s so hard.

He did stand on the bathroom scales the other day but they are faulty (I know everyone wants to think that about their scales but ours honestly are!) and they said 1 stone 9lbs. So he is quite underweight.

This is the one you need: solidstarts.com/guides/reverse-picky-eating/

It is a virtual course about reversing picky eating written by world leading paediatric specialists. One of the modules in it is food refusal. It shows you strategies on how to interest your child in food, how to prevent the problem getting worse etc… Although food refusal/fussy eating is pretty common in toddlers how you handle it can shape how the eat in the future or whether the pickiness stays. Even just having a scroll of their Instagram feed might give you some ideas to help.

Hmm but he isn’t really a picky eater. When he’s on form he’ll eat most things and he certainly eats a variety of things at nursery.

He’s not ‘eating nothing’ though.

He’s eating less than you think he should.

But we’re actually really terrible at assessing how much food small kids really need - it is quite likely he is eating adequately.

Write down everything he eats and drinks for 10 days. Ask nursery to do their meals. It’s probably more than you think, honestly.

Have you tried putting food in a Tupperware box, sticking him in his buggy and just going for a walk?

No talking to him at all.

Just see what he does or doesn't do in a different environment when he cannot see you or interact with you and food isn't usually given at that time.

Other than that if he'll have milk I'd just let him drink that and not worry about it.

Just serve meals and wait until he decides to eat one day. He's eating at nursery so he can and will if he wants to.

All nurseries do @NoSquirrels or should at any rate.

I mean, how do you think I know what he eats at nursery? I’m just wondering why you keep repeating this advice despite the fact I’ve already done it on the thread. What do you think I’ll gain by Monday - ate cereal, pear, sausage casserole and yoghurt, crumpets and apple - Tuesday - ate one bite of pasta

And the thing is - if I am overreacting and I may wel be, that’s fine. Solidarity is helpful. Repeatedly telling me to do something I’ve already done just isn’t.

But he doesn't appear to be refusing.

He is eating.

You've told us he's eating.

Does he refuse when you encourage him to eat more?

Honestly, seriously, the portions he had today wouldn’t keep a rabbit alive. I know people say this to be illustrative but I’ve just thrown his dinner away, it looked as if no one had touched it.

It does feel as if we’ve gone badly wrong somewhere and I’m not sure where or how.

Op, this is the problem. You keep saying he won't eat anything. Because you're worried. But he is eating. He's eating enough to keep him growing and healthy and alive.
You need to take a step back, or you risk messing up his relationship with food by worrying and stressing him.

I feel like I’m being gaslit here 😂

’my child isn’t eating anything like enough food’
’yes he is.’

OK then 😂

Sorry - didn’t realise you had formally tracked a diary over 10 days. I’m not trying to be annoying! It’s just that usually we have these sort of worries - ‘DC is hardly eating and I’m worried’ without actually formally doing the thing of writing it all down and properly looking back at it. Like reverse dieting, where you swear you hardly eat anything but forget about that apple/biscuit/end of kids toast or whatever. Nurseries give a general - ate well, beans on toast for lunch - sort of recording but if they know you’re worried they might observe more closely to give proper quantities etc.

Food intake in toddlers is really hard to a) not get hung up on and b) really understand how much or little they genuinely need. Most kids won’t starve themselves. So first step is always going to be trying to dispassionately observe. Which I get is really hard.

DD was slightly older, but worse than your DS. She was thin and got dental cavities because she was malnourished. With her she would not eat because she was afraid of vomiting.

We paid to see a specialist private dietitian. She said it was about giving DD control. She had to have a special toddler plate which was divided into sections. She worked with DD to make a list of foods she liked. It was a very short list. At home, DD then had to be offered these foods at meals, and choose how many she had in each section on the plate - eg, 2 cherry tomatoes. This got her back into eating. It was helpful that DD had agreed this with the dietitian - it meant that we were both doing what the dietitian said, rather than it being a power struggle between me and DD. We then saw the dietitian again, and DD got a present from her for doing so well.

I know this is different from your DS, but - if he will eat at nursery - is it possible this is about him wanting to control his eating at home?

“Four or five bits of pasta. Maybe two of mash and peas. One spoonful of Rice Krispies and a quarter of a banana.”

that sounds fine for a meal for a two year old. I also had a thin-looking baby/toddler who was very active and never interested in food. I worried about it constantly. He’s now 12 and is still thin but is very strong, average height and eats more than we do. I agree with other posters - it sounds like the only thing you need to fix is how stressed you are about this.

I understand that's what it feels like.

You say he's healthy and full of beans, if slim. A starving child is not full of b