To hate spending time with my almost two year old because he WON’T EAT?

[Hatemealtimes]

I know people will make suggestions and I don’t think there’s one I haven’t tried, making meal times relaxed and sociable, trying a variety of foods, even giving up on meal times and just a variety of healthy snacks. Booster seat, own table and chairs, high chair.

Nope. Getting nowhere. The mystery continues when he seems to eat really well at nursery.

He is looking rather thin.

I don’t know what to do.

Yep - have tried to replicate nursery meals. I think it’s the other children eating with him he likes, we are evidently not the same.

Picnic style, put little bowls of snacks on a blanket on the floor while the TV is on, he has toys out etc, let him graze? Sorry if you've already tried this

And what to drink?

DD was never quite this bad but eating in front of the telly works well for us. Breakfast is sliced apple and banana - she kind of absentmindedly slips it in while playing Roblox.

She has various diagnoses. I've had to go Elsa (let it goooo) with homework, reading and times tables though for the rest of the family's sanity.

Your son probably just isn't that hungry - my sister was like that growing up - I remember getting three meals and a plate in cafes! She normalised her eating as she grew up.

Have you had him weighed and measured? Do you know if he's actually underweight? I apparently had a tiny appetite as a child and would skip lunch if I had even a tiny mid-morning snack.

I completely understand you want to try anything and everything but he's very little and if your trying all these different approaches it's possible either you're not giving it long enough or it's too many changes for anything to work.
It's a long game, it took a good 10 months to a year of ignoring and just serving up a variety of foods before I noticed a significant difference in DC's eating.

Water. I think I will arrange a bit of a health MOT for him, as he is looking thin and we really have tried these suggestions and none make any difference.

What does the HV say, is he actually underweight? A useful thing is to look at the intake of food over the entire week rather than focus on every meal. Is he lethargic or full of energy?

Oh he’s definitely full of beans!

The HV hasn’t seen him since his one year review at ten months, so nearly a year ago.

If your nursery is anything like DS’, then your DC will be eating a lot of food over the 3 days there (as you said he eats well there). DS is generally a good eater, but I’ve noticed he definitely doesn’t eat as much on the days straight after nursery because he just isn’t as hungry. As a PP pointed out, weekly trends are more important than individual meals. If he’s full on energy and meeting milestones, chances are he is eating enough, even if it looks minimal at home. I think you should definitely speak to a HV or a GP though, mostly so they can keep an eye on him and step in early if he stops having loads of energy. It’d be useful to get his height and weight done too x

A really easy/simple thing you can do right now is Follow Solid Starts on Instagram. They are incredible! Started by a woman who's son is an extremely picky eater, along with a team of professionals like paediatricians etc they have lots of free resources and I think some paid courses for specific things around baby/toddler eating. Helped me with weaning and my toddlers fussy stages so much!

There's a great book called "My Child Won't Eat" by Carlos Gonzalez which you might find helpful. He's a paediatrician and it is a very sensible book, not full of the usual rubbish suggestions to make food look like a face or pretend that broccoli in mashed potato is trees on a mountain etc.🙄
DD1 was an extreme picky eater and was eventually given an ARFID diagnosis. But that doesn't sound like your son.

I second this book. I think it will help you worry less.
Also, he is eating. He's alive. He's growing. He's healthy. It's OK to be skinny, that's his body type.
Sorry to sound harsh, but his poor relationship with food is down to him feeling your stress over it. I know it's so, so hard, but you have to find a way not to make him eat, because he is eating, but a way to stop worrying about it.
If he was starving himself he'd be in hospital on a drip. He's not.
Just keep offering healthy food and find a way to be less worried about it.

I completely feel your pain OP. I had a very similar experience with my now 5 year old DS. He went from in the 50th percentile when he was 1ish to about the 9th by the time he was 3. Eventually he got his appetite back and I now cannot feed him enough. I wish I could go back and relieve myself of the months of worrying I did! I think as long as the GP can’t see anything amiss then try not to worry.

It might not be relevant but he also started with a lot of stomach cramps which resulted in us restricting dairy and gluten for a few weeks. After that we started reintroducing everything and the cramps went away and his appetite came back in a big way. It was weird!

I never fail to be amazed what some dc manage to survive and grow on whilst others are seemingly bottomless pits. Although it's hard you really do need to relax a little. You mention all the things you've tried but the best thing is to stop trying. Offer small amounts then take a way - no fuss. A friends dd basically are nothing until age 4. Little nibbles of hot dog sausage and the odd frube. Now she's still limited and eats then goes ages without but she's much better. Will eat crumpets, chips, plain pasta, egg. The occasional lick of melon however she's the most energetic child I know. One girl I work with in school often goes the whole day not eating maybe a couple of times a week she'll try a strand of spaghetti or a small bite sized bit of sausage or 2. Another eats only plain crisps or chocolate biscuits in small amounts. The fact he's eating banana is good. Filling and dense in nutrition in small amounts. Along with some Rice Krispies and a bit of milk that's not at all bad. All the suggestions to make meal times fun are probably just putting a focus on it. Just have it as fuss free as possible. I don't think cooking together etc is the way to solve this one

Could you plan play dates a couple of days a week for lunchtime/dinnertime so he eats with another kid? Bit of a pain but then you can chill the other days that at least he'll eat dinner tomorrow?

Always carry a banana with you in case he's hungry.

Keep tabs on 'snacking' in case it's filling him up before a meal and discouraging him to eat.

Eating with other children who are really good eaters sometimes helps too. It encourages the less adventurous to try different/new foods too.

Lots of exercise before meal time (e.g a swimming lesson timed at the end of the day. Swimming seems to make them ravenous)

Keep checking in with your GP.

I came here to recommend Solid Starts as well. Great resources for all sorts of feeding issues but especially for extreme picky eaters.

Why dont you ask nursery if you can secretly observe a meal time, so you can see what (if anything) they are doing differently.

If you think it really is just having other dc around, how about having a friend over for lunch or dinner on most of his non nursery days until he grows out of this phase

Don’t have any suggestions but just wanted to say my 2 year old is exactly the same at the moment . Hoping it’s just a phase!! Has always been a really good eater but recently at home he refuses most things. Still eats well at nursery at yours (in fact they say he’s their best eater and sometimes has 3 portions!) but at home just says no to everything. Only thing he eats a lot of at home is pasta in tomato sauce and fruit, but some days even refuses that. He’s on the slim side too so I do worry a bit but nothing I can except offer food regularly and hope he eventually will eat!!

• still eats well at nursery like yours

today he’s only eaten a nibble of toast, a little bit of banana and a satsuma

@Lifeisrelentless - same here. I honestly don’t know what to do. He’s just eaten maybe four or five bits of pasta for his dinner. That’s it. Four or five bits of pasta. Maybe two of mash and peas. One spoonful of Rice Krispies and a quarter of a banana.

There is a raft of absolutely dreadful advice on this thread, there always is. Don’t let him eat in front of the tv, let him graze etc…

Ask for a dietician referral and look at Solid Starts. If you can afford it, pay for the guide and if not email them and they’ll give free access no questions asked. They also provide support by email if you get the guide. Solid Starts honestly changed our lives, with support from an NHS dietician.

What did they actually do, if you don’t mind me asking? It’s not fussy eating, I could understand that, it’s just refusal to eat anything much at all.

Like now he had ‘lunch’ at 12 and dinner 530. Surely he’d be really hungry??