To not want to get involved?

[Nc865335778]

DP and I have been invited to a family members party this upcoming weekend.
Family member has messaged me tonight saying they've also invited X (another relative).
They said in the message they've invited X but not their partner (they don't like X's partner). They've also told X that DP & I will pick X up on our way to the party.

DP is really annoyed about this for several reasons.
One is that it isn't up to the family member to tell X that we will pick them up. DP says that's cheeky and dictating what we do.
Also, DP said it isn't fair that we go to X's house to pick them up knowing their partner isn't invited as it's leaving them out.

I completely understand where DP is coming from and agree. But DP wants me to message family member to tell them that it's inappropriate that they've involved us in something that has nothing to do with us. (As in not inviting X's partner but telling X we will go to their house to collect them).

I don't want to get involved at all.
Sometimes I can be quite passive.
DP says we already are involved, thanks to family member so I should message them expressing this.

What would you do?

Have you ever actually stood up for your dp?

It reads that he's more offended about being shoehorned into a dispute between X & the host, which is a perfectly reasonable reaction.

If OP does not want to be involved in this batshittery, she's going to need to communicate that to the host relative.
The only other alternative is to go along with it.

Her H is right, & as it's her batshit relative, it's she who needs to reply.
Whether she sends a bland "the pick up doesn't work for us, no can do"
or the more honest
"WTF? No I will not be collecting X while rudely excluding their partner, stop embroiling me in your mindgames"
is entirely her choice.

DP has been excluded before by this family member in different ways which has been upsetting in the past. So the relationship between them is quite strained.

Did you stand up for him then?
Why are you letting them treat someone else the same way?

"DP has been excluded before by this family member in different ways which has been upsetting in the past. So the relationship between them is quite strained."

I think the question here is why isn't your relationship with them more strained?

Did they apologise for their behaviour?

I mean, your DP has a dynamic in your family that they don’t like. That includes enabling of strange childish behaviour from you.

I’d pay good money not to be invited to a lot of things on my husband and my own side of the family personally, but it’s not about that. It’s about a pattern of behaviour that once it’s been noticed feels more disgusting every time. I wouldn’t want any part of it if I was him, I wouldn’t go to a party that repeats a dynamic I didn’t respect.
As for you, I’d think about what side of character you are showing while you want to placate everyone. I would say that’s an unattainable goal.