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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So hurt by insensitive comment?

73 replies

netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:11

I went out with three friends last night (I’m the only single one and they all live with their partners) and one of them said she’s sad to be going home to an empty house as her partner has been working away all week.

The other two agreed that yes it’s so hard to be in an empty house.

Them living alone for a couple of nights whilst me being alone in my house is permanent seems so insensitive.

I’ve been alone today and I just can’t stop crying. I knew I was at the edge of a deep depression again and this has just pushed me over.

OP posts:
Swimmingpoolsally · 03/09/2022 22:12

I’m sorry you’re so unwell op. Have you spoken to your doctor?

PopPopPopP · 03/09/2022 22:17

Hi OP.

Sorry you are feeling sad :(

It might sound harsh, but I do think you are over reacting to the comment. I don't think your friends will have meant to offend you. I find it really.hard sleeping alone without my husband. Before I was married I found living alone was great. I loved it. But I've got used to him being there and struggle to sleep.if he's.not.

When I was single I wouldn't have been offended by someone saying they can't sleep when their partner isn't there.

I think maybe you have other stuff going on(?) Is your reaction more about feeling sad you don't have a partner? What can you do to resolve this?

How can you look after yourself tonight?

Cut your friends some slack, pamper yourself and try to resolve what's going on for you ,💐💐

Original poster
netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:22

Thank you, I think it’s the way it was worded as in going home to an empty house rather than missing a specific person being there.

I’d love a partner but I’m too old to be with anyone now.

OP posts:
MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 03/09/2022 22:24

I'm sorry you suffer from depression OP Flowers

But your friends have said nothing wrong.

Ponoka7 · 03/09/2022 22:26

You're never too old. It's good that you've recognised that your depression is building. Work on that. You're friends were making observations and would be upset if they knew how they had made you feel.

Caroffee · 03/09/2022 22:31

Difficult. They're not being deliberately insensitive but it will make you feel more lonely in comparison. I was out with a work crowd last night and all the women have been with their OHs since teenage years and have kids. It's all they talk about. Last night's topic was reminiscing about how they met their partners. I'm the sad singleton. The only thing which made me feel better were the men who were out as they are all single too.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2022 22:33

I’d love a partner but I’m too old to be with anyone now.

That's ridiculous. Unless you're dead, you're not too old for a relationship.

RosieCockle · 03/09/2022 22:39

How old are you?

Facecream · 03/09/2022 22:42

I fucking wish I could come home to an empty house sometimes- sorry OP. I think it’s how it was phrased rather than trying to exclude you: more along the lines of something already present is missing so it feels weird.
Would you like a relationship?

MumofSpud · 03/09/2022 22:49

How old are you?
Even then it doesn't matter !

blockpavingismynightmare · 03/09/2022 22:51

We need to know how old you are OP. I bet you are not old at all but overthinking everything because you are in a rut

SunnyD44 · 03/09/2022 22:55

YANBU every couple I know love it when their partners are away and get the house to themselves.

However, they didn’t mean it to upset you and are probably worried about the change.

How old are you?

You’re never too old to be in a relationship but I wouldn’t give up living alone for anyone as I love my own space.

Original poster
netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:56

35

OP posts:
chillidoritto · 03/09/2022 23:01

You are 100% NOT too old!

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 03/09/2022 23:03

Oh God I thought you were going to say you were in your 70s or something?

Even then, my Dad was 82 when he started dating his girlfriend. He's 90 now and they do everything together.

figmaofmyimagination · 03/09/2022 23:03

You’re not too old to find love at ALL, but I do think your friends’ comments were insensitive and I’m really sorry you’re feeling so low. 💐

FantasylandEnthusiast · 03/09/2022 23:04

35 is nowhere near too old, honestly you're reaching due to being in a bad place mentally.
I don't think they've done anything wrong here, but I do think you need to reach out for support Flowers

PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2022 23:05

When you’re feeling down, it’s easy to take things personally that weren’t meant that way. It might be worth a chat to your gp about feeling depressed.

StaunchMomma · 03/09/2022 23:05

I think you're probably feeling this a bit more than you would if you weren't depressed, in honesty.

I don't think it was a dig, maybe a bit insensitive but I'd take it as them meaning it's weirdly quiet when you're not used to having the house to yourself. If they're anything like me, they'll also do that whole 'checking under the bed for murderers' thing, even though their other halves probably couldn't 'save them' from a moderately irritated squirrel!

Try to chalk this one up to them not thinking and you not feeling like yourself at the moment BUT maybe also think about how, going forward, you could assertively point out when/if comments are a little insensitive.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2022 23:05

35?! For fuck's sake, your life has barely begun.

ChagSameachDoreen · 03/09/2022 23:07

This will be one of those threads where the OP shuts down every suggestion with reasons why she couldn't possibly to XYZ to improve her life.

Hankunamatata · 03/09/2022 23:07

Everyone's allowed to have their own emotions. Your friends allowed to be sad about going home to an empty house. Would u rather they edited their emotions around you?

Cabsnotlint · 03/09/2022 23:08

Download a dating app. Speak to your friends about how your feeling!

TheLostNights · 03/09/2022 23:09

I also thought you were going to say 75 or something. 35 is nothing!
I'm sorry they upset you. It was insensitive of them. Maybe secretly, some of them are jealous of you for having your own space. The grass is always greener as they say and no relationship is ever without it's issues. Pros and cons to most things x

Undecidedandtorn · 03/09/2022 23:10

I'm 51 and just met someone a few weeks ago. It's possible I promise