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Original poster

So hurt by insensitive comment?

73 replies

netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:11

I went out with three friends last night (I’m the only single one and they all live with their partners) and one of them said she’s sad to be going home to an empty house as her partner has been working away all week.

The other two agreed that yes it’s so hard to be in an empty house.

Them living alone for a couple of nights whilst me being alone in my house is permanent seems so insensitive.

I’ve been alone today and I just can’t stop crying. I knew I was at the edge of a deep depression again and this has just pushed me over.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 03/09/2022 23:10

I was 35, single, making the best of it but v lonely. I would have been hurt by a friend saying it's hard to go home to an empty house occasionally, when I had to do it every night

I hear you, absolutely x

Original poster
netflixs · 03/09/2022 23:10

Thank you everyone - don’t be too nice to me otherwise I’ll start crying again :

I just want change so badly and I guess other comments were said last night that hurt but it’s irrelevant because I’m not in the right state of mind.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 03/09/2022 23:12

How weird to say you are too old to meet someone and you turn out to be 35 🙄 so you think your friends comments are insensitive what about your own comments! I’m 34 next month and single lovely to know I’m too old to meet someone 😑

Original poster
netflixs · 03/09/2022 23:13

notanothertakeaway · 03/09/2022 23:10

I was 35, single, making the best of it but v lonely. I would have been hurt by a friend saying it's hard to go home to an empty house occasionally, when I had to do it every night

I hear you, absolutely x

Thank you. I hear you too.

I think it’s hurts more because two of them have never lived alone so potentially don’t understand but one did live alone for 3 maybe 4 years so she does know what it’s like.

I’m trying to make the best of it too. But it’s when I spend today alone and that comment spinning in my head it’s very hard.

OP posts:
STARCATCHER22 · 03/09/2022 23:16

I lived alone for 3 and a half years (including during the pandemic) and I would have found those comments quite insensitive too (and I have never suffered with depression).
I feel like a lot of PP are making out like it’s your depression that’s making you sensitive but I agree with you. Your friends going home to an empty house occasionally is VERY different to always going back to an empty home. People who can’t see that are clearly very lucky and have never felt lonely.

On the other hand, 35 is DEFINITELY not too old to find someone!!!

Caiti19 · 03/09/2022 23:18

35!?!? Good God, woman - you are in your prime!

Those same friends will be fantasising about an empty house in a few years if they go on to have children.

FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 03/09/2022 23:20

You're over reacting and must know that already. Your friend said she finds something difficult, she didn't rubbish anyone else's experiences or draw comparisons, she merely said she doesn't enjoy being alone.

user1499191107 · 03/09/2022 23:21

netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:56

35

Just to say that I married my (second) husband just before I turned 40, and we had our son when I was 46. You just never know what is ahead! Also, I'm sure your friends didn't mean to be unkind but I understand how it must have made you feel.

Frances0911 · 03/09/2022 23:23

I think it is insensitive if they know how you feel, even if it is just that you are lonely, but not necessarily aware of how bad your depression is. Good friends should be in touch with their friends feelings. So I do agree with you op, it's not something I'd say in front of a friend I knew did not have a partner and was lonely.

Original poster
netflixs · 03/09/2022 23:47

FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 03/09/2022 23:20

You're over reacting and must know that already. Your friend said she finds something difficult, she didn't rubbish anyone else's experiences or draw comparisons, she merely said she doesn't enjoy being alone.

She didn’t say that. She said being in an empty house.

Being facetious I know as it’s not the same thing but imagine for 10 nights out of the year you had to stay in a hostel and then get to return to your lovely home but it was horrible experience for you and no one invalidated that because that’s how you felt … but would you turn to a person who lived there permanently and say “I really hate living here”

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 03/09/2022 23:53

It is hard I think when you hear comments like that.
Not exactly the same but I'm a single parent and someone at work was chatting with someone else (both with partners) saying can you imagine being alone how awful it would be not have that support
And it hit me. It hit me that I don't have that support and that I'm so different.
So yes it is hard

anon12345anon · 03/09/2022 23:57

Oh man - you're having a shit day - poor you Flowers x

Your friends didn't mean anything by it, you sound a bit depressed, and when you're feeling low, you always think the worst Sad

Honestly, I truly get where you are x

But, without being insensitive, you made me laugh out loud when you said you were 35 and too old GrinGrin.... I'm 39 and have spent (/wasted!) most of my evening on Plenty of Fish!! Blush

Get out there....some of my friends don't approve of me being on dating sites, but I want a Man and some companionship! Enjoy it!! x

Original poster
netflixs · 04/09/2022 00:02

purpleme12 · 03/09/2022 23:53

It is hard I think when you hear comments like that.
Not exactly the same but I'm a single parent and someone at work was chatting with someone else (both with partners) saying can you imagine being alone how awful it would be not have that support
And it hit me. It hit me that I don't have that support and that I'm so different.
So yes it is hard

Seems worse and really insensitive. Also it’s ridiculous because as a parent you just have to do what you have to do whether that’s with or without a partner.

I bet you’re doing an incredible job x

OP posts:
Original poster
netflixs · 04/09/2022 00:05

Thanks everyone - whether you’ve agreed or not everyone has been really respectful and I really appreciate the kindness.

OP posts:
CoffeeLover90 · 04/09/2022 00:12

netflixs · 04/09/2022 00:05

Thanks everyone - whether you’ve agreed or not everyone has been really respectful and I really appreciate the kindness.

I probably said things like this around single friends and now as a single parent I feel awful. They wouldn't have realised and it seems a silly thing to get upset over but it's a relevant feeling. I've heard simular. I've been asked 'when you going to start dating' kind of comments. Haha. Hilarious. I'm early thirties, mentally fucked up, physically far from model material and a very short list of baby sitters. And I've a deep distrust of men. I'd like a dog though.

HappyNumberEight · 04/09/2022 00:13

netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:56

35

You are claiming that 35 is too old to be in a relationship?

Cantstandbullshit · 04/09/2022 01:14

TheLostNights · 03/09/2022 23:09

I also thought you were going to say 75 or something. 35 is nothing!
I'm sorry they upset you. It was insensitive of them. Maybe secretly, some of them are jealous of you for having your own space. The grass is always greener as they say and no relationship is ever without it's issues. Pros and cons to most things x

Seriously? They must be jealous of her is what you got from her post?

Their comments had nothing to do with her or them being jealous of her, because she takes it that way due to her situation means she needs to address her situation, get help for her depression and take steps to try to find someone not expect everyone to police what they say because it may upset you.

Unless they said it intentionally to hurt her which is not the case here, then the work lies with her not them. She already acknowledged that she suffers from depression and that’s the first step now she needs to get help to work on it.

I know you’re trying to be nice but trying to blame them when it’s clearly not them does not help the poster in any way. It may help her feel better for a short time but the issue is still there and has not been addressed.

MeetthemoveratDover · 04/09/2022 01:44

My goodness you’re not even half way yet. My mum met someone in her 50s and got (re)married at 57.

TheLostNights · 04/09/2022 15:25

@Cantstandbullshit So can only coupled up people be the object of anyone's envy?
When I was single, friends and colleagues used to envy me my freedom. Why is that such an alien concept to you?

itsjustnotok · 04/09/2022 15:32

Thing is we all feel differently about our lives and there will be many times that someone has said something that’s upset me. Do you think she was trying to be offensive or was she simply stating how she feels? If this is how she feels then that’s how she feels, just as it is for you, just because the reasons differ doesn’t mean she’s in the wrong. It’s getting to the stage where people have to carefully consider other peoples entire life history and current living circumstances before opening their mouths because so many people seem to get upset.

Original poster
netflixs · 04/09/2022 15:58

itsjustnotok · 04/09/2022 15:32

Thing is we all feel differently about our lives and there will be many times that someone has said something that’s upset me. Do you think she was trying to be offensive or was she simply stating how she feels? If this is how she feels then that’s how she feels, just as it is for you, just because the reasons differ doesn’t mean she’s in the wrong. It’s getting to the stage where people have to carefully consider other peoples entire life history and current living circumstances before opening their mouths because so many people seem to get upset.

Firstly it was that everyone said it. It wasn’t just one person. It was the entire group.

And yeah why would you not be considerate before you open your mouth? Would you complain your work bonus was too small to someone who was struggling to find work?

Knowing if your friend you see semi regularly then you’d probably know who they lived with and wouldn’t need to know their entire life history.

OP posts:
Iwanttoliveonamountain · 04/09/2022 15:59

there are plenty of depressed people in marriages/ relationships.
Go and see your gp
and plan for the weekends
I loved my single life, married at 38, I was so young.

Fairyliz · 04/09/2022 16:03

netflixs · 03/09/2022 22:56

35

35!! You are still a young woman, thought you were going to say you were 80.
My cousin met her now husband at 64; you have years yet to met anyone.
Sorry you are feeling low but things can change.

ilyx · 04/09/2022 16:06

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 03/09/2022 22:24

I'm sorry you suffer from depression OP Flowers

But your friends have said nothing wrong.

Yes they have! It’s a very insensitive thing to say to OP knowing she’s on her own going to an empty house every night

BCBird · 04/09/2022 16:08

Hi
I really doubt there was any malice there. You said they are your friends.

I live alone.i have lived alone for 22 years and have spent most of that single. I have been happy most of the time. I did however struggle during the restrictions.
As for a relationship I agree with the others thst you are not too old. I had my first relationship at 47.
I think that you should concentrate on picking yourself up and feeling good about yourself. When you feel good then look to meet someone. 😁