So hurt by insensitive comment?

[netflixs]

I went out with three friends last night (I’m the only single one and they all live with their partners) and one of them said she’s sad to be going home to an empty house as her partner has been working away all week.

The other two agreed that yes it’s so hard to be in an empty house.

Them living alone for a couple of nights whilst me being alone in my house is permanent seems so insensitive.

I’ve been alone today and I just can’t stop crying. I knew I was at the edge of a deep depression again and this has just pushed me over.

The people saying to her “go and see your GP” as if she’s mentally ill because she hates being single. I was single years and I didn’t like either and was happier in a relationship. It’s human nature to want to be in a relationship and not want to be alone, it’s why most people are in one.

You aren’t too old OP! So many people get divorced and remarried in middle age, you’re still young.

I'd feel a bit sorry for women who thought that being in the house on yr own definitely meant loneliness!!

Such a needy way to live life

@J0y

People need to stop shaming the OP as if she’s abnormal. It’s human nature to want to be in a relationship and not be alone. Being single in your twenties is one thing, but as you get older you can’t hang out with your mates all day as people are busy with their own families.

Funny how supermodels and female celebrities rarely “choose” to spend their life single if it’s so great.

@ilyx It’s because OP said she was at the edge of deep depression at the moment, not because she’s single

I'm not shaming op, If I'm shaming anybody (not something I aim to do) it's the friends.

I do think being single in your 30s can be v uncertain. People treat it like an illness that will be cured by meeting somebody.
There's a waiting room feeling.

Hi Op!
Sorry you are struggling with depression and I can 100% understand why these comments by your friends would upset you. Although they didn’t do anything wrong and their feelings are valid - I do understand why you would feel this way. I wouldn’t say your friends are being insensitive to be honest but you are human and your feelings are valid that you feel this way.

You are not too old at 35 - not even close. I know many people who haven’t met their future partners way past 40/50

I hope you’re OK x

Some people are very happy to live alone - others are not. Everyone's experience is different, but certainly having a partner won't suddenly make your life better. Perhaps you need to ask yourself why you think it will?

It is a cliche, but nonetheless true, that you need to be content with your own company in order to be ready to live with someone else. If you believe that you are suffering with depression, then taking care of your own health is the priority.
And as others have said, age is irrelevant - some people meet a partner at 50/60/70 etc etc.

What did you say? 'Welcome to my world'? That's what I would have robe snd hopefully they would have realised they actually were being a bit insensitive.
I was widowed when my kids were little (I didn't meet my husband until I was 39 by the way). It's unbelievable the stupid things people say. From 'oh I know how you feel my husband works away during the week', to 'oh you are so brave I couldn't manage without my husband'. No you absolutely don't and yes of course you could because you have to.
I do not have a new partner and it has been 13 years now. I am quite content and love being on my own, but I get the 'why don't you start dating again' - as if there are dozens of men looking to date a middle aged (I'm now 60) woman with two kids (one still in school).

I think your friends were really thoughtless to make those comments.

I hope you find what you are looking for very soon. You are so very far from being too old.

I hope you will find someone lovely who appreciates you.

Oh for goodness sake, 35 and you have already written yourself off.

35 isn’t ‘too old’ FFS. 😆 The irony is that you saying it is will now bake done older readers feel sad.

Well I’m sure reading that made her feel better

But I am content with my own company? Doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel lonely sometimes or feel a bit stung when I’m in a conversation with three people and they say how awful my lifestyle can be - even if meant with zero malice.

People in relationships aren’t happy 24/7 and the possible fleeting moments they are unhappy doesn’t mean that they aren’t content in that relationship.

Also thanks again everyone, I’ve had a better day today:

This.

I've never thought about it that way before but it's so true!

Fwiw I'm single out of choice (although adult ds lives here - he's only just turned 18!)

And I know I'd always chose an "empty house" because I like the independence I'd developed and my choice when to be around people!

I’m glad you’ve had a better day. Please look into getting some antidepressants or something. It’s horrible feeling how you do and I hope you feel better soon. I also agree with everyone else. You’re still a young woman. Even some people in their 80s find new partners! Mostly this is when a partner or spouse has died and they want / need company.

see what you did up there ^^ too old to be with anyone (at 35🙄 ), I am assuming you didn't mean to offend anyone over the age of 35 here, especially anyone over 35 who might like to meet someone but you probably have. Your friends made remarks about themselves and how they feel, and i am sure they didn't mean to offend, as I am sure you didn't either. Easy happen

I was in your situation. Lived alone long term single. Colleagues piped up how awful it was that her fiancé was working away. She he felt like she was single and hated it, how depressing it was and sad, someone else chipped in etc. This is 12 plus years ago so it really must have resonated. It really rankled me and another older colleague mid fifties piped up very dignified and said "it really isn't anything like being single" and pissed on her chips but yes I 100 agree with you. It hurts as no one really understand. Or very few do and you don't meet these understanders day to day. It embarrassing to. Well I found it that

There is a lot of patronising "sorry you are so unwell/ depressed" unwanted diagnosis on this thread. I don't think you are I just think you are lonely. I met my now husband at 35 on OLD. It not perfect at all. But the indescribable pain of loneliness is extinguished.

What they did is crass and insensitive.

Similar when a size 10 say they are "having a feeling fat day" and you are size 20.

Or when a colleague describes the ordeal and the monthly tears when it took four months to conceive and you are infertile.

Solidarity to you OP.

^There is a lot of patronising "sorry you are so unwell/ depressed" unwanted diagnosis on this thread. I don't think you are I just think you are lonely.*

The op herself has said she in on the edge of a deep depression. That’s where those comments are coming from. It’s not patronising to suggest that someone who thinks they are depressed seeks advice for whether they might benefit from some help. It’s out of order to tell her she’s just lonely. You can’t know that.

I'm sorry you are feeling sad but it sounds like you are oversensitive. It isn't unreasonable to say that it feels sad going back to an empty house especially if you are used to having somebody in it. A more secure and happy person would not necessarily be bothered by this comment because they might prefer their own space. I hope you get the help that you need.

I didn't meet my husband till I was 38, OP. You are not too old! But you need to start liking yourself before you can hope for anyone to fall in love with you. I thought I'd be on my own for the rest of my life, just like you do. Things can and will change for you.

Did your friends not even acknowledge that you are alone at home? It's a bit mean of them to not say sorry, at least.

It's good that you recognise your illness is creeping up on you again, though, OP. Please act on this; go and see your GP about getting help to feel brighter. Be that some kind of talking therapy or anti-depressant medication, you need to make that first step.

You're never too old to be with someone.