To think that you're really lucky if you enjoy exercise?!

[bumblebee1987]

I will preface this by saying that I'm really fed up because I've been dieting and exercising since March and lost a very minimal amount of weight despite really trying, and have now plateaued for weeks, so this is probably more of a vent 😆

I hate exercise. I always have, every since school, I am rubbish at it, am not remotely competitive, and I just don't enjoy it. I have tried many many different types of exercise, it's all the same, I don't enjoy any of it. I don't enjoy watching sport, hearing about sport or being involved in sport in any way.

I go to the gym 3 times a week because I feel like I have to, because I am overweight and I need to sort myself out, but I hate it. I know I need to do it, but I don't enjoy it, and I think this is really unfortunate. My DH on the other hand, LOVES sport, his entire career is based in sport, he loves nothing more than going for a 5 hour bike ride or spending an hour or two in the gym, it's his happy place. Which is great because obviously it's really good for him!

I keep seeing fitness influencers saying how important it is that you find the sport that you love so that you will keep it up, but I really don't think there is one for me?! So I think I am basically stuck with forcing myself to do something I hate a few times a week, despite hating every second of it.

So am I being unreasonable to suggest that it's actually really lucky if you enjoy sport and exercise?! I am not talking about being good at it, I appreciate that being good at it takes a huge amount of dedication and not luck etc, but if you really enjoy it regardless of whether you're good at it or not, then that's really fortunate, right?!

I appreciate that this is very much a first world problem and is meant in a light-hearted way!

Maybe it was a follow on podcast by Giles Yeo then. I think it can mess up your metabolism. Let me see if I can find where I’ve read/heard it!

I still think you need some fibre in there. More veg (not just salad)

See to me, I'd sooner exercise than starve. And that's the mental trade off I make with myself. An hour of weights is easier than all day everyday being miserable and hangry, which I am on 1200 calories.

Low fat cottage cheese will have upf in. Anything ‘low fat’ will as they have to add emulsifiers and sugar to balance the removal of fat.

My gym have a new class which is basically hiit with a heart monitor. It's really good.
My gym is also really friendly and mostly women over 30. I'm finding I'm getting to know people- not necessarily friends but gym contacts which helps.
Finally does your gym assess your progress. I've put on 2kg since I started last year but it's all muscle gain so it might be worth checking!

You need to find something you love. I too hate exercise but I discovered badminton and fell in love! I like playing someone who is slightly better who makes me run round like a fool, it’s brilliant!

Try something different, the gym is-for me-utterly boring, I’d lack any motivation.

OP it really sounds like you want to make some kind of change which is a great start. I think you are eating far too little. Your body is probably holding on to what little you are giving it. Food is fuel, think high quality food rather than low calorie. Forget the calorie counting and you will stop obsessing how restrictive everything feels.

With regards to exercise, start small but be consistent - that is key. I know you say you don’t enjoy running but just using that as an example, go for a run/walk around your block and start so easy it’s impossible to fail. Walk for 2 minutes but then maybe jog for 10 seconds. Then build up those jogging times by 5 seconds until you’re at the point of comfortably being able to do 1 minute. Everyone around you is far too absorbed in their own lives to be focusing on what you’re doing. Put some sunglasses on if that helps. But aim to do it every day/every other day with no excuses. With consistency, you will get to the point where it begins to feel easier. And the goal is the endorphins you get, that feeling of accomplishment AFTER you finish. If you find it a struggle to run for 1 minute, be damn sure you celebrate when you get to the point of being able to run for 1 minute. You will get there, you just need to keep at it consistently.

I’m one of the annoying ones that loves exercise - sorry! I really love steady state cardio, including classes like combat and spinning (at home with an app) and I also love being outside running, walking or cycling and I swim in the sea daily on holiday. I didn’t always enjoy exercise, I remember hating pe at school, but I lost my dad young to a heart attack and I’ve always been terrified of the same thing happening to me, particularly since I had kids so I forced myself to move and over the years it’s become a huge part of my life.

Interestingly though, at my age (forties) all of the relevant advice says to minimise ssc (except walking) and to focus on lifting heavy weights and hiit, both of which I absolutely hate. I force myself to do 3 x weight sessions per week and a minimum of one hiit class. I truly dread each session and long to sack it off and run or do a spin class, but I do feel a huge sense of achievement and a bit of a high after each one (unfortunately not during) and crucially after years of exercising for fun but seeing no change in my body I’m seeing a huge difference in my shape which is keeping me going. In the first 6 weeks I lost no weight but 2 inches off my waist without changing my diet.

I do include a couple of steady cardio sessions per week just for the joy of it but I’m having to accept that the things that I love don’t serve me well at this age, which has been difficult.

The other thing I would say having seen your typical daily food intake is that you aren’t getting enough protein or calories. While I sort of agree with cico, I have always found that if I focus on eating enough protein and plenty of fruit and veg everything else falls into place without counting. I’m 5ft 2 and eat no less that 1500 calories per day but that’s often as high as 2000. I also eat olive oil, full fat milk, Greek yogurt, cream and rye sourdough bread as well as potatoes. The only thing I don’t eat is added sugar for similar reasons to you - it’s easier for me to avoid than limit - but I honestly don’t feel deprived as I replace with fruit and Greek yogurt or even strawberries and cream. Your diet seems miserable and it doesn’t have to be like that. You can eat more as long as you stick to whole foods and weight train.

I completely agree the gym is incredibly boring! I even hate people talking about it! Not so much the weights but the cardio.

I've seen you mentioning trying adult ballet, which I think is a good idea. I've never done it, but it sounds fun. I do aerial stuff here (leedsaerialarts.co.uk/). I imagine it has a sort of similar feel to ballet. You might not live close enough, but could have a look if there's something similar near you.

I used to do a martial art - is that something you've considered? Or boxing? There are women only boxing classes which might be a bit less intimidating.

If food is a coping mechanism for you, then your mind will try to make you give up attempts to change things. Because it's a defense mechanism that has the objective of 'helping' you feel safe and secure, when you are stressed you get this strong urge to go back to spontaneous eating. And let's face it, life is always stressful to some degree.
You said you stopped the regime when you moved house. Because the stress of doing both was too much, what does that tell you? It tells you how much you rely on food/eating patterns for emotional support.

Look at how much your self worth tied into all of this. Walking with your dog seemed to help, that's because it was relieving stress and exercising in a way that did not make you think of your appearance or your self image. The 'function' was walking your lovely dog, not the control of food/weight/self image so your system didn't turn on you and try to persuade you it's pointless as a way of getting you to stop.

Cycling outdoors is an example where you are focused on cycling not losing weight, because your mind/brain won't think you are taking away it's method of coping. Exercise with other functions will be easier to stick at.
Don't underestimate how much your thoughts and beliefs influence your behavior and self worth. So therapy can help or at the very least self help books, look at binge eating disorder books because your mindset might have similarities.

Right, I've decided to overhaul my diet. I've spent hours today reading stuff and trying to figure out what I should eat, and this is my meal plan for tomorrow-

Breakfast- Chia seed pudding made with 15g chia seeds, 12g flax seeds, 200ml coconut milk, 100g raspberries and 100g banana

Snack- 2x rice cake with 15g natural peanut butter

Lunch- Mini wrap with lettuce and chicken, carrot and a mini hummus pot

Snack- 30g Cashew nuts

Dinner- Salmon fillet with corn on the cob, broccoli and cabbage

I have worked out all of the measurements and all of that should equal 1467kcal.

Does that all look good?! It looks like a lot of nuts and seeds?! But that's good isn't it? If it doesn't look good, what should I be adding?

I don't think you have to love it, I think it has to be worth the tradeoff. I only love swimming. Probably because I've been trained since childhood so I have proper form. I don't love Pilates or Yoga. I do it because I'm hypermobile and for me a weak core = crippling back pain. People said I'd learn to love yoga. I never did. It was boring when I started and its boring now (sorry yoga lovers, just me opinion obviously). But I consider it worth the trade for a HUGE reduction in pain.

Have you tried any martial arts?

I hated PE and still hate any team sports. I love jujitsu (previously did judo, too competitive). There is a social side but it's quite gentle, you usually have a fixed person you work with. You learn to adapt techniques depending on other people's body shapes/flexibility. There is a syllabus to follow and when you do gradings you get a nice sense of achievement.

I had to shop around to find a club that was more about having fun than competing, but it's been well worth it.

Also if you want to explore your dislike of sports, how attitudes in school may have affected you, and how you can address that: Women in Sport has done some interesting research www.womeninsport.org/

Not read the thread.
The key is to find a form of exercise you enjoy. When you hear the word 'exercise' you probably have visions of miserable PE classes in school, or running, or going to a gym. Or all that Peleton stuff you do at home, or Joe Wicks on Youtube.

Brisk walking is exercise. Do you have any friends that you could recruit to join you? Both set a step target, and stick to it?

Personally, I like to compete with myself, and I like gaming. VR fitness has been perfect for me. It is playing a game that is fun, but you burn calories at the same time. You can also meet with friends online and do it together.

If you decide to do 5:2, start with a couple of non-fast days (maintenance calories) to give your metabolism a boost. Make sure you eat all your calories, or it won't work as well as it should. There needs to be a big difference between your fast days and non-fast days to keep your metabolism working.

Eat 800 calories on your fast days (not 500 as some people do, you don't lose weight any faster and it's torture) and try to space out your fast days with a non-fast day or two in between. I do Mondays and Thursdays.

Give yourself a couple of weeks without weighing for your body to get used to it. You may stay the same weight or even gain a couple of pounds in water weight to start with because of the extra food. Or you might start losing right away!

All the best, and enjoy eating nice food again (even cake!). 1200 calories really is miserable!

@Sparklythings1 your post is the best thing I’ve read! So true, you get out what you put in. Congratulations on your running achievements- I have just started running again and I’m loving it (and hating it!) but to see the numbers improve in one month is such motivation. Good luck in your training for the marathon

@Cantdoitallperfectly aw thank you, it’s meant in the least harsh way possible but so many people write themselves off by saying they ‘can’t’ when they actually have no idea if they could or not!

Yes you've worked out a better eating plan.

You'll be passing wind for a few days, increase your protein intake too.

Looks great. I would add more veggies though. Fills you up, lots of nutrients and very few calories. Also add pulses. I often have a soup with onions courgettes, potato and beans for lunch. Or a big bag of spinach with onion and chickpeas. Very filling, nutritious and low in calorie. Lentils are really good as well. The trick is to eat good sized meals that are filling.

Also drink plenty of water. The first few days you’ll spend a lot of time going to the toilet and then your body gets used to it

Given that you say you have so much anxiety, have you tried yoga? You may find it boring at first, and it doesn't maybe burn many calories on paper. Find a good teacher/ class where you can go along with the breathing -- deep in- and especially outbreaths. Deep breathing (with an emphasis on breathing out) can help regulate your anxiety. There's lots of stuff online too.

Can you walk? Just go out for a really long walk. I enjoy that.

Walking’s nice but I don’t think there’s any point in pretending it does much other than being literally better than nothing.

I'm sure others have addressed this but OP, this literally isn't possible. Unless you're 4ft something tall and already very slim and active?

Your body cannot create energy out of nothing so if you're eating at a deficit you will lose weight. If you're not losing weight and not gaining then you're eating at maintenance. You will be underestimating your calories, so maybe try drop your calorie target some more with the knowledge that as you're underestimating them you'll eat more than that but be in a deficit. Or learn to properly count. Everything counts. Oil in your cooking, sugar in drinks, tiny snacks, everything.

I promise you you're not the sole person who is able to maintain their weight on a calorie deficit, if that were possible there'd be people in concentration camps who somehow managed to stay fat! I guarantee if you were put in a sanitised environment and only fed 1200 cals per day you would drop weight. Or if you went on a show like secret eaters you'd quickly figure out why you're eating at maintenance!

That’s bollocks. Walking is seriously underestimated. I lost a stone in the first month of lockdown because I went from 40 min walks to 2 hour plus walks.

I would dislike all the things you've tried, except swimming. I like outdoor swimming. I've never been sporty, or co-ordinated but I've discovered I love outdoor activity that isn't for the sake of exercise.

I don't think I have social anxiety but I need time to be on the sidelines of a group until I feel comfortable.

I've also found that doing things I hold myself back from is the shortest route to getting comfortable. It's terrifying beforehand but I know I'll feel like a complete goddess afterwards for doing it.

I've seen people attend activities and say to the group leader or post in the Facebook group that they're shy or feel anxious and that they're not being rude if they're quiet or don't manage to talk to people being a very effective coping mechanism. I've can make everyone feel more understanding and comfortable of them being how they need to be.

@bumblebee1987 do you drink tea/coffee? I calculated that I use up 50 calories with each drink! Adds up over the day.

But I can feel your pain - I was doing the same as you and didn't lose an ounce. Then I realised that whilst I was eating 'properly' and honestly for 5 days, on the other 2 I was picking and nibbling (because I had done long bike rides) and ended up undoing my entire week's effort by overeating. I thought I was having 25g cashew nuts but in reality was having 12 instead of 5 which weighted 80g! That sort of thing. As far as exercise goes, I have always enjoyed it but nowadays its more a chore but that's down to other factors in my day to day life. It was a shock to calculate that when I was running, the max I would burn is 100 calories a mile. now I cycle and its 30-40 cals a mile depending on how hilly and fast the route it. That's a lot of miles to earn a takeaway.