To give up hope I'll ever meet someone?

[KeysUnlocked]

POF - met a guy last week who actually seemed keen, the chat was flowing, we met up, didn't give myself in on the first date (as I usually do ) blah blah...

2nd date last night, really good chat again...sex...then he messages today, all seems well.

For past 4 hours he's been on and off line on WhatsApp but no message - I know this sounds daft but every day it has been pretty constant messages.

He's 43, so not a kid, but I'm exactly right smack bang to where I was, pulling these walls up even further, AGAIN, wondering what the hell it is I'm doing wrong I'm fairly attractive, good job, independent etc., should I just face facts now that I will never meet someone who wants to be with me again? 😔😢😢😣 Feeling so fucking heartbroken and used again 😢😢

I think guys love the thrill of the chase. I used to hold back emotionally until I was sure they really liked me. Then dang, it happened again! :-(
SOME are nice. I married them. :-)

I'd say it varies. Sex on the first date doesn't immediately mark you out as a scarlet woman. But then if you're having regrets about it later on then perhaps don't do it.

^This is my rule of thumb for seeking a serious long term relationship. Start seeing a man/woman regularly and NO SEX for the first two months. Also discuss how you want a serious, long term relationship and make sure he/she wants that too. It tends to weed out the fuck boys imho.

Also if he sent the last message, then you’re ghosting him.

Yes, why not. You absolutely can have sex 1st/2nd date or similarly early on. Not saying you can’t. Just that if you do, you will be ducking your way through fuck boys to find a good egg. That’s still ok if you are eyes open and the casual sex is a bonus for you. But if it affects you and makes you feel worthless and unlovable and that you will never find anyone who actually loves you (and your OP does imply these are your feelings), then perhaps the casual sex is emotionally damaging you and youd be better off holding off on the sex until later.

OP I would say that you are online dating it is best to wait until you sleep with someone.

The reality is that a lot of the men you find on dating apps/websites are simply not looking for long-term relationships. They won't say that in their profile though because they know that would put off most women.

The best way to weed out the time-wasters is to take a bit of time to know the person before you sleep with them. Of course some can still ghost you later on but I think it definitely helps screening out some the casual sex seekers. It also helps weeding out the guys who are not really single (because it quickly becomes clear they can only meet on certain days/times).

When I was online dating usually the guy would disappear after 3 dates if I did not have sex with him as he could not be bothered to put on an act anymore and would just move on to someone else who might give them what he wanted quicker.

If its meant to be it will, no need to worry who text last. If you want to msg do - if no reply then not meant to be. Life's to short to play games,

Firstly, relax - it’s been a day! Give it a week before you panic about being dropped.

Secondly, if it turns out this doesn’t go further I’d recommend leaving it longer before sleeping with a man next time. Not a popular view, but waiting a month/six weeks and giving him time to get to know you first will show if he’s in it for a relationship or not.

You’re still pretty young at 43. Sometimes these things can take time. I think the trick is to have a mindset of enjoy yourself meeting people, dating and sex. If a relationship sprouts from one of these, then bonus!

What FrancescaContini said

If he messaged you last and you haven't messaged him today then he might think you are ghosting him.
I think men can sometimes be quite insecure too.
I'd say hi and then go get a bath or something so you're not looking for a reply.

I don't personally think that sleeping with someone quickly is a problem, you're an adult why wouldn't you if you feel comfortable with someone?

He could be just busy.

Any relationships I've had started with a friendship first.

It's hard to gauge something when the expectations are set.

OP:we message back and forward all day, that's our style. But since we had sex it's gone totally silent. What's up?

People who can't read: lots of people don't like messaging much, my husband and I hardly ever message each other! You sound needy <head tilt>

You're better off holding off on the sex for minimum a month, I think. You'll get a better type of guy.

Sorry? You’re saying we can’t read and you’ve totally misrepresented what the OP said. He didn’t go silent after sex.

”2nd date last night, really good chat again...sex...then he messages today, all seems well. For past 4 hours he's been on and off line on WhatsApp but no message.” And that he sent the last message, but OP hasn’t replied.

Its literally, she has a message from him that she hasn’t replied to and she’s wondering why he’s been online for 4hrs and not sent her another message.

How can you be ghosted if he was the last one to send a message?

Or have we misunderstood your posts and you were in fact the last one to message?

There’s double standards for men and women in dating. Men celebrate shagging someone on a first date, but they judge the woman for doing the same. It’s bullshit, but it’s still the case.

The only way to know is to hold fire for a bit and get to know them more. Which I think also comes under the game-playing umbrella, which is also bullshit. However, it weeds out the indiscriminate shaggers who will mess with your head.

Them? Plural? I’m not sure that’s as encouraging as you might have hoped. 😬

Oh OP, happens to the best of us! It’s shit though and I’m sorry you’re feeling down about it.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having sex if you want to, nothing to be judged over at all.

But, if you are finding it triggering when you are being rejected after being intimate with someone then it would be sensible to hold off being intimate. I’m not saying waiting 3 months but enough to suss out if their got any real intentions or just after a shag.
That might be a couple of dates, it might be a couple of weeks. There’s no set rule but whether we want to admit it or not, very few of us (women) can have sex and then not be bothered if we get a follow up or not.

it’s fine to enjoy sex and want to make the most of it but if it puts you in a shit place when things don’t work out then I’d personally hold off.

Ghosting is such a bullshit thing to do, it really is incredibly mean.

I don't think nice men are put off by someone having sex with them!

I don't think that OLD is necessarily the place to meet the most sincere guys op.

Can you get a hobby and try to meet people that way. Someone with a shared interest? Running, walking, travelling, martial arts, wood work, dance club or somesuch?

@Herejustforthisone
Lol, I suppose so! ;-)
The first one, we married too young, grew apart, good guy, still friends!
Second one had 11 happy years but drink dependent & he found some other woman to drink with.. third husband died. :-(

You say you message constantly and so that's evidence that he is now ghosting you.

But you haven't messaged him even though you normally do a lot. So are you ghosting him?

What was his last message and have you replied.

Why r u saying he has ghosted you?

Agree that stating busy and not expecting so much do quickly would help you. It does not sound like he has ghosted you.

You do sound a bit needy.

Well for those saying I sound 'needy', I should have listened to my gut as I found out this evening that he had given me a false surname!

MN can be so fucking cruel at times it's as though some of you have never been hirt

*hurt