To be accidentally pregnant at 41 by my hot but totally unreliable 53 yo boyfriend

[Ridiculouswoman]

Yes, i know the answer is yes.

Really thought I was too old for this to happen.

No idea what to do so just living in denial for a bit.

Adulthood is a myth (in my house anyway).

I had my last at 39 - I don't mean to be harsh but you must know if you have periods you can get pregnant?

I am a (hot) 52 year old woman who still has periods - I know I could still get pregnant

But it must be a shock so take time to process it - you have options and you have a partner - good luck

Threads like this make me want to scream (childless not by choice) but it’s my own fault for clicking on them.

Good luck with your decision and get some blooming birth control.

Guess i think i should try it out

That's the thing about Motherhood, you can't "try it out" and decide it's not for you. If you were set on remaining childfree then you need to think very carefully about whether any of the factors that influenced that decision have actually changed, because this isn't some sort of 'sign'. Well, it's a sign that if you have unprotected sex or have a contraception failure you can end up pregnant at 41 but that's it. There will be lots of posters along to tell you that "you only regret the children you don't have" and other clichés but if you spend enough time on these boards you'll find out that's not true. I'm not saying you shouldn't have the baby, only you can decide what's right for you, I just think its important to go into it with your eyes open.

Not sure if congratulations or commiserations are best suited.

If you do decide to go ahead remember mother's are real people too there is no need to cross the road.

This is the bitchiest thread I've ever read on MN. Just here for the lols!

Pfft, we can do way better than this. Just wait for the Christmas Eve box threads.

Does he earn 6 figures too?

Hm, thanks to the nice people. Obviously I know not all mothers are terrifying (some of my best friends are mums etc) but as i think this thread proves motherhood forces you into contact with people you would otherwise never encounter, simply because of that one shared trait. At my age I'd pretty much been enjoying my narrow horizons in which no one really ever calls me thick or threatens me with dark allusions about how bad it's going to be. Surely every mother "tries out" motherhood since you can't know what it will be like in advance. People approach things in different ways.

He doesnt earn 6 figures, no, we're non rich. (Do our best, like)

I do not think i would be doing Christmas eve boxes i know i know.

I love my kids.

The early years are easy. However, I find teenage years as an older mum difficult. Not because I'm tired etc, but because my (menopause) anxiety is now through the roof with teenagers who want to be out and about!

If I knew then what I know now I'd probably not have had the kids, although I wouldn't be without them now!

Not sure you or your boyfriend sound mature enough to be parents, to be honest…

I’d like a hot 53 yr old boyfriend <misses point>.

How far along are you op? Have you got time to think about the situation?

I mean no, you don’t ‘try out’ motherhood, you do it or you don’t, you can’t really try it as once you’re in the thick of it you can’t really go ‘not for me!’ without scarring a little person.

I’m not a the kind of mum you seem to fear becoming in that I have very few friends who are mums and those who are were friends years before and just happen to be mums. I don’t join the WhatsApp groups and put in for group presents for teachers and stand around the school gates like so many I pass each day do. Never done elf on the shelf or Christmas Eve boxes.
That’s just because it’s not for me though, I don’t judge those who do, I couldn’t care less how people live their lives, whatever makes them happy and not harm anyone.

My God though, do I love my kids. They’re funny bright little pain in the arses. Life is much, much harder but it’s also amazing watching them grow and pick up my weird little quirks, they’re the best when they’re not wrecking the place and leaving their toys everywhere for me to stand on.

If you’re considering a termination you have up until 10 weeks to take EMA, some places do postal medication, its 23+6 for a surgical termination if you choose to go ahead with one. Abortion Talk is a good charity to talk to if you do want any advice that is impartial, don’t bother with most others, they’re very pro-life. You can access counselling service through most providers too.
If you’re unsure I’d probably start a pregnancy multivitamin just whilst you figure it out. I hope you find the best solution for you, my inbox is open if you need a chat.

What a vile bunch of people. Smug, judgy, nasty and hateful. OP sounds like a normal person. So sorry for her to gave accidently wandered into a room of woman haters. Christ I can't believe what I have just read

Holy fuck why is OP getting dragged?!

OP what is it you want?
If you're considering staying pregnant do you have good support systems in place?
Could you cope being a single mum?
41 isn't old, I'm mid 30s and many of my friends are trying only now to get pregnant.

Good luck with whatever you choose but please know many wonderful people are parents.

Oh and good for you and bf for being a hot couple! 🔥 😁❤

This is a disgusting thing to say to someone

OP, I would find it to be a shock too. How do you feel about it though? Is this your first pregnancy? Does actually being pregnant make you feel different about than you did when having a baby was just a theoretical?

Motherhood is hard and I think you really need to want it for it to be a fulfilling experience for you and to raise happy children.

The way you put it here makes it sound like you booked the wrong holiday or some other trivial matter. It's not, it's life changing.

Please please think about it very carefully. And 41 is not very old at all. When I had mine many years ago I was 30 and I was the youngest in my NCT group.

Good luck whatever you decide to do but please think carefully before

In fairness the OP is getting dragged because her tone of voice is very flippant in a serious situation.

OP, being realistic, the 53 year old is very unlikely to want a child with you. He's got his children, they're grown up, he's now in a different phase of life. No one knows what your relationship status is, but you don't make it sound very serious.

You also have not actively sought to be a parent in 20 years of being an adult (and give the impression that you believe it's beneath you). Tbh I don't really feel this is a great start for this baby if you were to go ahead, where neither parent really wants them.

I don't think you want to be a parent in your heart of hearts, and trust me, being a single parent, is hard and relentless. Most parents get a break, you won't, which might make you hate being a parent even if you may have enjoyed it otherwise.

I think you know what you're going to do. It's much better to do it early.

Nope, probably not, but the worst parts just come as part of being a parent and I got over those once I was out the other side. What I never got over though was the vile way other mothers treated me for no reason other than I was younger. For me having to interact with the witches other mothers were definitely up there with the worse parts.

@Ridiculouswoman congratulations on your pregnancy .

Please ignore the horrible comments on this thread.

Do you have friends and family who can help you when your baby is small and who are supportive generally? I think a support network will make all the difference. Good luck 💛.

[Some ageist comments on this thread about 53 year olds 🙄]

as i think this thread proves motherhood forces you into contact with people you would otherwise never encounter, simply because of that one shared trait.

You were forced to create this thread?

I'm getting strong "not like other girls" vibes from your posts, OP. I don't think you're too old for a baby, at all, but I do think you're much too old for that adolescent shite.

If you do decide to proceed with this pregnancy, I have two small pieces of advice:

1. Stop seeing the primary focus as the other mothers you'll meet. It really is a bit more complicated than that.

2. Try talking to them when you meet them. You probably won't form an amazing bond with everyone but most new mums are keen to be on good terms with other parents and some of them are even rather good company. But it's true you won't get the best of them if you barge into a baby group declaring how awful it is having to associate with other parents, which is essentially what you're doing now.

I definitely think people are reacting to the way Op has worded things as there is a sense of flippancy as another poster said.

Those of us lucky enough to have the kids that we tried very hard to get and were desperate for, find life blooming hard on a daily basis, so it’s not an easy decision to make.
Good luck Op u have got some soul searching to do. Don’t be guided about interacting with other mums but think about how u can bring up a child. What values do u have? What time do u have for them? do u have space in your life? Are u ready to be stuck in the house?
good luck!

What a truly horrible thing to say.

OP, I was 40 when I had my DD who is now 7 months. It’s wonderful but also relentless. I would really struggle without a super supportive (47 year old) husband. ,Uou will say goodbye to long, languorous mornings I bed and spontaneous evenings out. But you also say hello to giggles, cuddles, joy and a little one for whom you are the world.

If you plan on keeping it, I’d get the Harmony pre natal testing so you know where you are with disabilities. But try to imagine how you’d feel if you miscarried tomorrow, would you feel sad or relieved?