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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be accidentally pregnant at 41 by my hot but totally unreliable 53 yo boyfriend

86 replies

Ridiculouswoman · 02/09/2022 16:03

Yes, i know the answer is yes.

Really thought I was too old for this to happen.

No idea what to do so just living in denial for a bit.

Adulthood is a myth (in my house anyway).

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/09/2022 16:20

How odd that someone who's never been tempted to lower herself to the level of the great majority of other women and procreate still has such great insight into what it does to said great majority of other women, who are, of course, a homegeneous mass with no individuality.

And yes, other parents (not just mothers! there are fathers involved too) are far from the worst part of being a parent. They are often the people who keep a struggling new parent going, actually.

The menopause doesn't usually happen until a woman is over 50, so if OP was banking on no longer being able to get pregnant now she's over 40 she's been extremely naive.

Original poster
Ridiculouswoman · 02/09/2022 16:20

I was 100% set on being childfree but this feels a bit existential crossroads

Which i guess it is

He will be supportive in principle (and has older kids from a previous relationship who adore him)

OP posts:
youagainomg · 02/09/2022 16:20

I nearly joked when you referred to your sex buddy as a hot 53 year old 😂👏

IncessantNameChanger · 02/09/2022 16:20

41 isn't statistically old where I have live to have a baby.

Lots of mums don't interact with other parents either. It's not a reason to count out motherhood but I hope the shock wears off and you find a answer that works for you. Good luck

adriftabroad · 02/09/2022 16:21

I still dont get why it is a shock? Why?

PowerHits · 02/09/2022 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That's so unfair.

What if you'd had a sex life for twenty five years and a really regular cycle- you wouldn't be stupid to think it would never happen.

This is a real person with a dilemma and there's no need to be cruel and hurtful to her.

LobeliaBaggins · 02/09/2022 16:21

Why don't you put this in Relationships as you might get slaughtered on here and you probably don't need that now?

Happyhappyday · 02/09/2022 16:21

OP, if you’re asking if it’s ok to terminate, yes of course it is. If you don’t want a DC, don’t have a baby. That’s a good enough reason. You made a mistake, you are not obligated to pay for it for the rest of your life.

KTheGrey · 02/09/2022 16:24

Does feel like a bit of a Turning Point. Do you want to be a mother?

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 02/09/2022 16:24

OP, give yourself some time to think things through. If you were 100% set on a childfree existence, you can still have that. Or you can change your mind and take this other path.

If you do proceed with the pregnancy it sounds like you may well be a single parent. Are you planning to speak to him about it?

picklemewalnuts · 02/09/2022 16:24

You're being very unreasonable, obviously, to have a really hot 53 yr old boyfriend. I'm married to a really not hot 53 yr old.

Have a cup of tea and a bath, see how you feel later. Don't rush.

Well, rush to work out how long you have to make any decisions. But then sit back and mull on things, see how you feel.

This could be a truly happy accident, or it could be an inconvenience to sort out. You don't know yet.

Wouldloveanother · 02/09/2022 16:27

Ok well in your shoes my worries would be:

  1. He’s unreliable. Could you manage as a single mum?
  2. Health risks to you both, as both your ages are quite advanced, do you feel you could cope with disability etc should that happen?
  3. Realistically, should you both pass away, who would be your child’s family if they hadn’t started their own? YES I know 41 isn’t ancient, I’m talking more when they’re in their 30s. It sounds like the older siblings would have to pick up pieces, is that fair to them?
  4. How are things with money/housing/maternity leave?
adriftabroad · 02/09/2022 16:28

41/53? is not in the least bit shocking.

They are not in their 70s FGS.

whumpthereitis · 02/09/2022 16:29

Don’t feel like you have to have a baby because you’re pregnant. It is perfectly fine to decide it’s not for you and terminate (which is honestly what I would do, and have done, but obviously it’s your choice).

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 02/09/2022 16:32

adriftabroad · 02/09/2022 16:28

41/53? is not in the least bit shocking.

They are not in their 70s FGS.

your empathy is adrift.

The OP is allowed to be in shock even though she's 41.

please stop being such a pain in the arse.

adriftabroad · 02/09/2022 16:35

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 02/09/2022 16:32

your empathy is adrift.

The OP is allowed to be in shock even though she's 41.

please stop being such a pain in the arse.

Show quote history

It is not "out there" or "shocking". Not in the least.
How could you not think you could get pregnant at 41?
I have plenty of empathy, thanks.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 02/09/2022 16:35

adriftabroad · 02/09/2022 16:35

It is not "out there" or "shocking". Not in the least.
How could you not think you could get pregnant at 41?
I have plenty of empathy, thanks.

Show quote history

you're unpleasant and you're boring and you're adding nothing.

PowerHits · 02/09/2022 16:36

If she thinks it's shocking to her, it's shocking. It's no one else's place to tell her how she feels.

adriftabroad · 02/09/2022 16:36

OK then...

Chilesstanton · 02/09/2022 16:39

Lol you’re in for a rude awakening if you think that’s the worst part of mothering.

BrownStripePJ · 02/09/2022 16:39

If you don't want a baby... do not go through with the pregnancy. Good luck either way

raindon · 02/09/2022 16:46

Ridiculouswoman · 02/09/2022 16:20

I was 100% set on being childfree but this feels a bit existential crossroads

Which i guess it is

He will be supportive in principle (and has older kids from a previous relationship who adore him)

Yes it must be tough when you are faced with the decision. Do you have access to counselling?

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 16:51

Honestly I think the worst bit of mothering (and the reason I've never been tempted to do it) is having to interact with other mothers who are people you'd generally cross the road to avoid.

But not stay away from a website called Mumsnet?

Unanananana · 02/09/2022 16:57

Were you using actual contraception? Or just 'natural family planning parenthood'.

Sex can always equal a baby even if contraception is used. Its hardly a shock.

babyjellyfish · 02/09/2022 17:01

Ridiculouswoman · 02/09/2022 16:14

You're a delight, aren't you.

Honestly I think the worst bit of mothering (and the reason I've never been tempted to do it) is having to interact with other mothers who are people you'd generally cross the road to avoid.

It's certainly not statistically normal and obviously we tend to have some awareness of our own cyclical symptoms.

You cross the road to avoid mothers and then log on to Mumsnet, I assume?

😅

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