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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids collision at playground and pissed of mum

91 replies

Civitavecchia · 02/09/2022 11:02

DS is 3 yo and started a new play group few weeks ago. I am trying to become friend with< some of the other mums because we moved recently in the area. Unsure if it is relevant but i come from abroad.

DCs and I joined a group of mums and kids, all playing at the playground. Age 0 to 10 yo i would say.
It was clear that one of the mum was often the center of attention in conversation. I have "seen" her already, she is part of several commitees at our village which are related to school, kids, events etc. Let's call her A.

DS was playing with other kids on the slide. Up and down and up and down using the "correct path".
I was a bit blocked because i was breast feeding baby DC but i was keeping an eye on him.
I realized that A's baby (maybe 18 months old? Unsure) climbed on the bottom of the slide and he was standing there at the end of the slide. A did not notice, she was talking. My DS climbed the stairs, reached the top of the slide. Before i had the time to yell something he started to slide and he completely crashed on A's baby. The baby of course fell on the floor and started crying. He cried for a while.

A was so pissed of at my son and at me. I sent my DS to say sorry, i ask her how her DS was when he stopped crying but she was sooo pissed off she basically gave me her back for the rest of the time. And then she started making strange conversation around how playground should be a safe place for all ages, how without good education kids do not behave etc. It was never directed to me but you know what i mean.

It was so akward and i have the feeling this could be a problem with the other mums because she really seems to be involved with everyone and everything.

The evening, DH was so pissed off when i told him because he thinks it was A's fault. She should have supervised her kid better. And that she is just a bully. And if she continues i should say something.

What do you think?

OP posts:
3peassuit · 02/09/2022 12:44

18 month olds have no sense of danger which is why you keep your eyes on them at the playground. Your DS should have checked the slide was clear but he is 3 and 3 year olds don’t always remember. If this woman is making a drama out of a small playground incident, she’s probably pissed off a lot of other parents over trivial things too.

catandcoffee · 02/09/2022 12:46

I'd look for friendship further afield OP.

Whiskeypowers · 02/09/2022 12:48

So basically she was too busy holding court to keep an eye on her 18 month old. That’s her parenting fail.

small village or not do not pander or genuflect to this woman in any way shape or form because of this. She will be even worse if you do.

DrPaw · 02/09/2022 12:59

Poor you OP she sounds awful. There is someone a bit like this in our village too. It took a while but I have found a group of friends who are much more like me and also think this woman is a dick 😂. Hopefully after a while you will find some friends too, I’m sure there must be some nice mums too.

pimlicoanna · 02/09/2022 13:05

She should have been looking after her baby and been close enough to move them to safety. Not your problem

CoffeeLover90 · 02/09/2022 13:31

I'm laughing at her comment that playgrounds should be safe. They're anything but,I have scars to prove it. Playground rules are to stay out of the crash zones, that includes the bottom of the slide and within hitting distance of the swings. Not the little ones fault, he's too young to understand that. I'd say it was the mums responsibility to move him out of the way but also not her fault that she was distracted for a moment. If the other mums have any sense they'd know these things happen and won't hold it against you. I hope your family settle into your new home well and make some decent friends there.

figmaofmyimagination · 02/09/2022 13:33

zingally · 02/09/2022 11:55

Mum should absolutely have been shadowing at 18 month old at the park, especially with a lot of older kids around, rather than holding court with her mates.
But by the same token your 3 yo has demonstrated he's not quite ready to be unsupervised on a playground either.

One of those situations where both of you and none of you are at fault here.

I agree with this.

If she gets pissed off that easily then something else will happen soon enough, so just try not to let it bother you and hopefully next time her mood will be directed at someone else!

Mariposista · 02/09/2022 13:40

Don’t worry about it OP. She is obviously a pathetic excuse of a mother with far too much time on her hands. Kids get bumps and bruises. Need a blood transfusion? no? Ok wet paper towel and get on with it.

UnagiForLife · 02/09/2022 13:42

Absolutely YANBU the child standing at the bottom of a slide is at fault and if they are too young to know better then the person supervising them is at fault. I’m sure anyone with any common sense would know that so the other mums who witnessed it will know what’s what. Don’t worry just be friendly and try and let it slide but if she makes more comments about safety in parks make a comment about young children needing to be supervised closely and then they will be safe for everyone.

LimboLass · 02/09/2022 13:42

She should not have left an 18th month old unsupervised.

End of.

picklemewalnuts · 02/09/2022 13:55

Forget it- the other mums won't blame you. It needn't stop you making friends.

She will have been feeling guilty because she failed to watch her child. If the other women share more than one brain cell, they know it's not your fault.

UnagiForLife · 02/09/2022 13:55

I know it’s to late now but I would have been consoling my child after that incident and very loudly and pointedly saying there there that child shouldn’t have been standing at the bottom of the slide.

Wheresthebeach · 02/09/2022 14:01

Smile and carry on. Chat happily to the other Mums and pretend you don't notice A's behaviour. It will blow over esp if you don't feed the drama.

AmyDudley · 02/09/2022 14:01

Playground accident - she should have supervied her child - ho lets thier 18mnth old roam around unupervised with 3 year oldss on playground equipment, - I bet he' always getting bashed by the slide, hit by a kid on a swing etc etc. Poor child.
If she wasn't so busy telling everyone how great she is. she'd have kept her child safe.

I honestly wouldn't worry about other Mums thinking badly of you. I certainly wouldn't make any more of it at all, or make any snide comments about supervision, or anything like that. Just carry on a if it never happened.
I can pretty much guarantee you that many other Mums will find her bullying and intimidating and will have had run ins with her in the past. You won't be the first person she has picked on - she' asserting her 'authority' because you are new. I bet there are quite few people in her entourage who are scared of her so try to keep on her right side.
I'd also keep a look out for groups that her child is too young for so you can meet some mums without her bossing everyone around.

Mot of all I would try to put it out of your head, she wanted to upset you - don't let her succeed.

Summerfun54321 · 02/09/2022 14:02

Both of you were distracted doing other things when you should have been watching your children closely. Her son got hurt and she was upset and reacted. Don’t read too much into it, she could be exhausted and on the edge. I cried at a playgroup once when my DD was hit with a toy, I was just knackered and that was my gut reaction.

AmyDudley · 02/09/2022 14:02

apologies for typos - having problem ith my s and w - have to press really hard on them !

SwapPlaces · 02/09/2022 14:03

If your child was 8/9/10 then yes she might have a point expecting your child to wait - but a 3 year old? She is being really ridiculous.

It’s an infuriating situation for you because it feels no win but if the other parents there had or have children older than 3 they will fully understand that your child is but a toddler himself.

Katsufatsu · 02/09/2022 14:09

It's not nice at all but honestly, she's probably just a bit of a cunt and others probably feel the same. You'll work it out in time and find some mums that are on the same page. It takes a little while to find them but once you have, playdates will be a whole lot easier.

Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2022 14:11

She should have been watching an 18mo mixed with older children, especially ones of an age not to be great at decision making themselves. When she saw her child approaching a common crash point, she should have drawn close and been prepared to intervene if needed.

Sunnyqueen · 02/09/2022 14:14

All As fault she is a twat.

WeightoftheWorld · 02/09/2022 14:15

I agree that a typical 3 yo should know not to go down the slide if someone is sat at the bottom, and my DD, whilst far from perfect, has thankfully learnt that rule early and well, and has never gone to go down the slide when someone's been at the bottom once she understood the 'rule'. However, at 3, even though she wouldn't do that, she'd do plenty of other undesirable things, and it's a bit more difficult to supervise them as closely, because you do need to give them some independence for play too. This is definitely made more difficult when you have a baby, especially one that needs breastfeeding - as I found out this past year myself. I do think you need to try your best to supervise eldest and prevent incidents like this happening as far as possible. I would often walk around whilst breastfeeding DC2 if I needed to do so in order to keep DC1 in eye sight. It was annoying and uncomfortable but it was necessary.

All of that being said - if one person is at fault here, it's A's mother. An 18 month old shouldn't be out of sight at any time in a playground and realistically should be quite physically close to a parent too, so they don't do things like bolt in front of the swings and so on. A's mother's behaviour is absolutely ridiculous. I note your comment that you are from abroad, and new to the area, so she probably did feel you were an easy target. Definitely a nasty piece of work, ignore her but don't let her stop you from going about your business with your children. If she does say or do something similar again I would respond, because she might stop if she realises you aren't just going to sit back and take it.

BuggerationFlavouredCrisps · 02/09/2022 14:16

MinnieMouseclubhouse · 02/09/2022 11:10

She is clearly overreacting and bing a bitch but I do think it's unreasonable to blame the incident entirely on her. Yes, she should be supervising her baby, but so should you be supervising your son (or at least have drummed in to him that he doesn't go down the slide until it's clear).

I think you should wait till the dust has settled and then apologise - not because it's all your fault, but because she is clearly someone that you want to stay on the right side of!

You can’t be serious? 😱

We’re you bullied as a child or is it a fear of being excluded from the herd?

Otherwise, I can’t fathom why you’d teach your children that pandering to the bullies is in any way, a reasonable solution?

Always stand up for your own children when they’re wrongly accused of any misdemeanour and in this case, I’d be pointing out to A that a 3 year old isn’t as capable as an adult of adequately risk assessing potential dangers on a Playground slide.

I moved to a new country when DS was 4 and if you invite other children and their parents for play dates and provide decent refreshments for both, you’ll soon make new friends. You just need to get stuck in but don’t ever let them think you’re a pushover. That way madness lies!

bofski14 · 02/09/2022 14:30

A is a C.

mamabear715 · 02/09/2022 14:30

@Civitavecchia
Your DH is absolutely correct.
I like him!
She presumably wasn't breast feeding & should have kept an eye on her child. You have nothing to blame yourself or your baby for, & at 3 yrs old, in my mind, he IS still a baby.
I think the other mums there will have already forgotten the incident, & that Bullymum - as other posters have said - blamed you for her lack of judgement. Actually I can't stand her & I don't even know her. I've come across those types before. Those of us who are sensible let the queen bee types get on with it. If they are busy 'organising', less for the rest of us to do! The others are the type who will fawn over her to be included in her little gang. OP, you don't WANT to be!

Thinkingblonde · 02/09/2022 14:43

Don’t blame your 3 year old,, he most likely climbed up the stairs, manoeuvred himself onto the slide by this time he was commuted to coming down it and then couldn’t stop.
Entirely A’s fault for not watching her 18 month old. It’s her job to keep him safe, not a three year olds.
If she continues with the snarky comments, Tell her she should have been supervising her own child.