Kids collision at playground and pissed of mum

[Civitavecchia]

DS is 3 yo and started a new play group few weeks ago. I am trying to become friend with< some of the other mums because we moved recently in the area. Unsure if it is relevant but i come from abroad.

DCs and I joined a group of mums and kids, all playing at the playground. Age 0 to 10 yo i would say.
It was clear that one of the mum was often the center of attention in conversation. I have "seen" her already, she is part of several commitees at our village which are related to school, kids, events etc. Let's call her A.

DS was playing with other kids on the slide. Up and down and up and down using the "correct path".
I was a bit blocked because i was breast feeding baby DC but i was keeping an eye on him.
I realized that A's baby (maybe 18 months old? Unsure) climbed on the bottom of the slide and he was standing there at the end of the slide. A did not notice, she was talking. My DS climbed the stairs, reached the top of the slide. Before i had the time to yell something he started to slide and he completely crashed on A's baby. The baby of course fell on the floor and started crying. He cried for a while.

A was so pissed of at my son and at me. I sent my DS to say sorry, i ask her how her DS was when he stopped crying but she was sooo pissed off she basically gave me her back for the rest of the time. And then she started making strange conversation around how playground should be a safe place for all ages, how without good education kids do not behave etc. It was never directed to me but you know what i mean.

It was so akward and i have the feeling this could be a problem with the other mums because she really seems to be involved with everyone and everything.

The evening, DH was so pissed off when i told him because he thinks it was A's fault. She should have supervised her kid better. And that she is just a bully. And if she continues i should say something.

What do you think?

Not your fault and definitely not your son’s fault. Don’t be pissed off at you both.

She should have been supervising her child better especially if he’s an 18 month old toddling about with no danger awareness. He could have gone in front of a swing which would have been worse.

The playground is perfectly safe for all ages of the children. No adaptations need to be made to suit her baby. All she needs to do is supervise him and then he won’t get hurt. Simple.

A three year old can easily misjudge these things…so let’s focus on the adult who was not doing a good job of supervising her toddler in a playground where accidents can happen. People like her who are ignorant and lacking in social graces tend to twist the narrative and attempt to deflect attention away from their failings - the best thing is to remain calm and unfazed by her rudeness, once you’ve apologised and checked no-one was hurt. Don’t feed the dram llama, it’s what they crave.

Who the fuck doesn't supervise their tiny toddler like a hawk at the play park?!

Honestly, she was probably trying to save face by shifting the blame to you. Her child being hurt due to her lack of supervision doesn't fit her look does it? Plus we all know the unspoken rule that when a mum is breastfeeding you help out her mobile kids/keep a loose eye on them.

I'd keep well away from her, keep an eye for parents who see through her nonsense and there you'll find the decent friends.

I'd give her a piece of my mind next time. Tell her that if she wants it to be a safe space then she should be doing her job as a mother and supervising her children. Ensuring that they aren't standing blocking equipment that children are coming down etc.

Definitely her fault. She was too busy chatting to pay attention to her child and teach him not to climb up/stand at the bottom of the slide.
A playground accident that happens all the time though. But she sounds awful and definitely not someone you want to attempt a friendship with. Try find somewhere else to go with friendlier people.

Apologise for what exactly?

"I'm sorry you cant be arsed to supervise your very young child and that my 3 year old acts like a 3 year old."

Probably because he's 3. They're hardly known for being sensible and attentive.

"I'm sorry you cant be arsed to supervise your very young child and that my 3 year old acts like a 3 year old."

But her 18 month old was acting like an 18 month old so that justification doesn't work. Both parents need to take responsibility for their own children.

Mum should absolutely have been shadowing at 18 month old at the park, especially with a lot of older kids around, rather than holding court with her mates.
But by the same token your 3 yo has demonstrated he's not quite ready to be unsupervised on a playground either.

One of those situations where both of you and none of you are at fault here.

If she starts bad mouthing you to others then tell them what really happened, that she was neglectful in not watching her child and on not teaching his how to use a slide properly. It often needs someone to stand up to the queen bee for the rest to feel better, the OP could make life very unpleasant for her.

She's an arsehole. Her kid shouldn't have been at the bottom. I would see her point if he had just slide down and your kid went barrelling into the back of him. Next time speak up for yourself.

In my experience of playgrounds most parents follow the very young toddlers around the playground because they haven’t the sense to stay out of danger.
She can go on all she likes but at end of day most parents know you can’t let an 18month old loose in a playground as they have a knack for heading straight for danger.
If it’s a small village OP you will find other parents get sick of her over time and you will eventually get to know people better.

When my eldest was 2.5 years old he was at the top of a slide when a mum encouraged her child about age 18 months to climb on the bottom the slide that DS was about to slide down. He went down the slide before I could stop him and hit her. The mum was glaring at me so i picked up DS said "ohh dear did that little girl climb up the slide when you were sliding down it that's why we dont climb up slides".

The mum should have been watching her 18 month old to ensure he wasn't at the bottom of a kids slide. Your DS did nothing wrong nor did you. I suspect most people around thought the same.

Nope. Still not buying that. 18 month olds need constant supervision, 3 year olds not so much. It would have taken 2 seconds for the mother to move the kid out of the way if she could be bothered but obviously expects everything to stop for her until shes ready.

If it were me I'd blame myself for not keeping a proper eye. After all, even if op had been watching her child like a hawk he still may have paid her no mind and gone down anyway. Young kids arent known for thier critical thinking and listening skills.

shes deflecting-an 18month old cant be left alone theyve got no awareness of danger-what happens when the next time he walks in front of the swings or something else that is dangerous

These things happen all the time on playgrounds, they're places toddlers learn to socialise, risk assess and work things out. I doubt A was injured at all and the incident only got a reaction because they cried for a while. Ignore the passive aggressive snide remarks, if the woman doesn't understand how children play and learn and wants to interfere constantly and cast guilt and blame - which is what she's trying to do then keep your distance - I guarantee others have also sussed her out.

You should teach your child to always wait until the slide is free before he comes down. A lot of kids, especially small ones, will sit on the slide for a little bit after sliding.

I'm saying this but I wouldn't have that silly excessive reaction 🤷🏻‍♀️ they're little kids

Mum should have been watching 18 month old, and 3 YO should have known there was a baby at the bottom of the slide and not went down it.

But all in all it was a playground accident where noone and everyone was at fault.

I agree.

If anyones at fault it’s As mum as playing at the bottom of a slide was going to end in tears.

You should have said to her - why she would allow her child to play at the bottom of a slide when it’s an accident waiting to happen.

The only way it would have been more your child’s fault was if A had only just slid down and he was taking his time moving.

But these things will happen.

She should have been watching the 18 month old

not sure that would play out well for OP's school gate status gping forward though.

my dc went to a playgroup a bit like this one sounds. tbh they're probably all the same, very Motherland!

I'd make a big deal about actively and vocally 'supervising' my child next time "because its important to keep an eye on little ones" tinkly laugh "just check no ones at the bottom of the slide if their mummy's not looking darling" as you walk away.
Ooh and compliment the other mums kids etc.Just show you're a massively attentive mum and if you are bf ask another mum to watch your child as you wouldn't want him to bump in to another kid if their mummy "isn't able to watch them"

Agree with all of this.

An 18 month old needs constant supervision at a playground, they’re still a toddling baby basically - she’s in the wrong for not paying attention to her own kid and that’s probably why she over reacted, she knows she should have been supervising instead of chatting and is taking it out on you and your son.

Some people are unfortunately like that.

I would just ignore her from now on - I don’t see why you should have to find a different playground as mentioned in the thread.

If she brings the incident up again, the pettiness in me would mention how she should have been watching her own child instead of talking.

Thank you everyone. i felt so bad after the play date, exactly because what you are saying....this is just normal playground life and this type of things happens a lot while kids are playing! We could have forgotten everything in 1 split second, but it became such a big deal.
After the accident i told to DS to apologize and i reminded him why it is important to check before sliding.

It is difficult to "avoid" her, as mentioned she is in every single organization comiteee for children activities, school events etc. Looking at the bright sides our kids are not in the same year. But still, we live a small village...
I want to make sure this thing is forgotten .

Oh god, sounds like high school drama

So it looks like her parents didn't teach her that you never let your 18m old stand unsupervised at the bottom of the slide.

She sounds very, very unpleasant. I hate confrontations like this so I feel for you. It would stress me out as well especially if she is queen bee in the village. If she continues being rude it might be worth saying something very, very politely and in front of other people (so they can see how reasonable you are) along the lines.

You both should have been watching your DCs.
I get that she's a Queen B and her reaction seems ott but that doesn't change the fact that most parents would be annoyed/upset if their DC was hurt especially if the other DC involved was older. She sounds like the type who doesn't welcome new people but tries to put them in their place. You can't win with her. Just be glad she's shown you who she is.
But, also, you need to work out how to watch your DS better. It could just as easily have been someone bumping him off the top of the slide.