To RSVP again to wedding to say No - Cost of Living

[Confuseddotcom2022]

Originally invited to an abroad wedding back in 2020, planned for 2021 but was bumped to 2023 due to them having a baby as well as covid restrictions.
Attended their very instagram gender reveal and baby shower, providing gifts and 'joining in' even though the hosts barely spoke or acknowledged us. There was about 50 people there!
Fast forward and they've removed plus ones and family from the wedding invites due to the rising costs. Given that they've made no effort with us over the past 3 years, other than for us to go to their 2 parties, is it unreasonable to now decline the invite? We, like most people, will suffer from the rise in living costs. The cost of going for 4 days would still be in the region of 2grand!
I guess due to the lack of effort from them to see us, we are planning on phasing the friendship out anyway. Fortunately we got a full refund for the previously booked hotel, but are on the fence about going at all now.

And wait until the wedding has actually happened before sending gifts, they might split up or die before it happens

Just decline, saying that unfortunately you're no longer able to attend. You don't need to say anything further. To be honest, if they're already scaling things back regarding plus ones and families they'll probably be secretly grateful. Circumstances now are very different to when this was originally planned for everyone.

“We are no longer able to attend….. have a wonderful day…” etc. etc.

I wouldn’t even think twice about it!

Dear Bride & Groom, hope you are both well. We've had almost no contact over the last three years so I'm sure you'll understand that we've now decided not to come to your wedding in 2023. Of course it goes without saying we hope you have a wonderful day and a very happy life together, with love ..."

Really really don't say this! Just decline and send your well wishes, you don't need to give a reason - after all the date has changed several times, so it could be cost of living, it could be because you hate them or it could just be that you have other plans on that date. I promise you the reason makes no difference to them at all, they just need to know numbers

I am at a loss to understand what the actual problem is here.

You don't want to go, so you decline politely with no "sorry", or long explanations, and wish them well. Done.

I have just done this very thing. My lovely neighbour's daughter will be married up country in a remote wedding venue early next year. Three hour journey, no accommodation in the venue, we won't know anyone apart from Mum and Dad of the Bride.

I spoke with the daughter, explained that we would not be able to make it, but hope they have a wonderful time. Will give a nice present and card nearer the day. No worries at all, I told them early and they can now give our places to closer friends/family.

Like a pp, I decline all weddings and parties now. Too much faff and I'm getting older and less tolerant of all the hoo haa that goes with them, not to mention the expense of it all either.

Quite !

No idea why people are suggesting being rude or passive aggressive.

Just send a note to say you will no longer be able to attend. You don't need to go into reasons.
If they contact you and ask why, then you only need to say that your lives are very different from when the original plan was made, and you can no longer make it.

That truthfully covers all the things that have changed, including the fact that you are no longer as close, but also including the cost of living rising so much, but also including the fact you now have a baby (or toddler by the time of the wedding). You don't need to start listing things - just use the cover all 'life has changed' if they phone and ask. If they don't, then just the 'no longer able to attend' is all that is needed.

You don’t like them, you don’t want to go - I can’t see a reason why you wouldn’t cancel? If they are scaling back, they would probably appreciate you not going so the people who really want to be there can attend instead.

What sort of MN troll thinks this would be an appropriate message to send under any circumstances?

I know, right

that message was comedy passive aggressive

am sure OP did not take it seriously 😁

Just decline, don't say cost of living though,

Just decline but don’t go into loads of reasons why, you don’t need to.

Sounds like they definitely want people there in the role of audience member. Definitely decline. You don’t need to give a reason.

You don't like them and it seems pretty mutual apart from when they want a gift.

Just say no

Polite decline and wish them well.
Do it sooner rather than later. At least it gives them time to cancel the place or offer it to someone else.

OP, please go ahead and strike the first blow against the absolute craziness of 21st century weddings. Someone has to take a stand - I just don't know how:

• couples have the cheek to expect people to fork out 4 figures just to attend their over-blown nuptials
• most ordinary mortals afford it

MN is full of people agonising about how they can afford to attend ridiculous hen parties (which many won't enjoy) and weddings of people who seem to think they are royalty or billionaire celebrities.

God no, I wouldn’t go. £2K to attend a wedding? Heck, no.